print

I think what is happening is my mind is spooling off 42 years of data that was gathered in the steel wool all this time.

So these words seem to bubble up without rhyme or reason. I will be working a blade and out of nowhere an emotion will hit, I’ll process the blade, process the emotion, it leaves the body.

The words are the same thing, I think. I think they are the volitional action that I learned over the years. The steel wool. That eventually became so tangled and chaotic that I imploded.

Well taking the megadose of aripiprazole seems to have smashed the steel wool. I actually saw it happen while messed up; a pendulum smashing my learned behaviours / mask.

So I think it shattered the dam and now the flow is open, but the memory is still small and processing still bad. So I need to stim with a repetetive motion that occupies my reward scentre but doesn’t require active processing; this enables the brain to be in TPN mode and process emotions in an ancillary manner. I think.

Anyway this shit is coming out thick and fast and if I don’t cathc it now it’s gone forever. And some of it is valuable. Some of it is shite. Thats’s why I imploded. But some is fucking gold and will help people.

So yeah I think I’m finally doing my print job and I have about 4 pages backed up at all times.

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