steel wool

This is something I only became aware of after medication with guanfacine and even then, only truly became aware of after aripiprazole.

I describe the feeling of memory overload as ‘steel wool’. It feels like a ball of steel wool, with each thread being a rule, spinning ever faster inside my skull, behind the cheekbones. Pulling inward, like an ice skater, threatening to explode, like a nail bomb.

This is a sign I need to start spinning; I don’t always know what the process is that caused it. Some big life events can be processed while on a walk, for example, and suddenly you feel overload.

I find that rubbing this meteor I have helps me to coax the threads into something more legible. Words don’t come out, but after a short while the feeling of overload passes and all is good again. Somewhere along the line, something will come out.

I never had any idea this was happening; I functioned on adrenaline and overclocking. No wonder I burned out all the time.

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