exploding spiderwebs

I am neither a neuroscientist nor a poet so please bear with my mixed metaphors.

Insight is something that happens all the time and it is how human beings think. This is why the [printjob] is always in reverse, and why my entire website, started by the aripiprazole prescription 6 months ago, was already finished from the moment it began.

This is a thought process which is exaggerated for neurodivergent folks, because we tend to pick up on the micro-details more. When we are told we obsess about a microexpression or part of a face, it is merely that we are extracting more information from the compression-algorithm of the person we are interacting with than others might. When we are told that we are overthinking, it’s just because we compiled more data to think about. We are highly sensitive, and we pick up on more ‘hidden meaning’ than most. We extract the French revolution from the curl of your lip.

So the way I think this works is we absorb information packets from people and things around us. It could be a face or it could be a book or it could be the smell of your dog’s carroty fart laminating the inside of your nostril.

This then floats along as a lego-block and gets stuck in the spiderweb of our mind. The ever-folding calzone; the bread that is always being kneaded. These information packets are collected and folded and collected and folded and we don’t necessarily know what they are until we hit an insight moment.

Insight moments can be small or large. For a normal brain they would be the equivalent of reading a face, but for a neurodivergent brain they might be more like the theory of relativity or explosive enlightenment.

For the time being though we collect these packets and they go into our folded-calzone neural network and they sit there as blockages. The datastream (brainwaves? wavetheory?) is fed through this mess of spider-web-calzone-lego-block-monstrosity. This causes is the ‘suffering’ of which the Buddha spoke.

An insight is when the spider web is snapped open, the lego blocks go a-flying, and we gather them up to build a tower, which in turn becomes the next spider rhizome calzone.

The most obvious time this happens is when we sleep and wake. I just had a nap and this little nugget was there, ready to go, because my calzone has just been re-opened after forming around the lego-block tower I made from the theory of enlightenment.

6 months ago I suddenly woke up non-dual. Aripiprazole had flung my entire web open and all the contents were in the air; I was frantically trying to try to catch them and rebuild them into a coherent worldview.

As this was going on I was given valproate and a duff narrative which delayed the process. The valproate made the dough of the web brittle and hard, while the narrative made me put the blocks back in the wrong place.

Anyway I’m going off topic a little here. This is just coming out of me like one of the aforementioned spiderweb-plosions so apologies if it is rough around the edges. This is why autistic people butt in during conversations: their spider web has just exploded and they have the answer but it’s all in pieces and they need to export these pieces to get them back into working memory so that they can build them into a coherent structure. I wrote about this [somewhere].

So this is the unzip process.

This is awakening or enlightenment or eureka. This is what I felt when my mind was a pizza dough and bubbling away while I was driving; where it was waves swaying like the ocean and I was in the bath using vocalisation techniques to fold the algorithm back into my skull.

This all ties back into the [howhumansthink] realisation I had during the [bodhitree-protocol], but takes it a little further. It explains mania and morning clarity, why morning pages are so efficient for dealing with issues like trauma and artistic blocks, and why artists like myself just start making things without knowing what they will look like when they are done. It explains Temple Grandin’s thought processes, where essays and ideas would fall out fully-formed. It explains why children (and adults) are so keen to show you half-finished projects, and why you should encourage them rather than sneer for them to finish before sharing.

So what happens is these little lego-blocks, which are data packets that we have been harvesting from the other nodes around us in the GLBAL BRAIN, come flying out and we need to wrangle them into a manageable format so that we can rebuild them into a coherent worldview.

This occurs as pressured speech, writing, art, dance, movement and activity. Bouncing around the room with energy and clarity. It can be chaotic unless someone has the sustained attentional capacity to control it, and even then it can feel very chaotic and turbulent to the individual. See the NP insight cycle for details.

This is what they call a ‘fruition’ in buddhism, but the definition they use now is bastardised and dogmatised and should be ignored. Any fruition is a legitimate fruition; they just don’t want you to have one which differs from their own indoctrination. They want to make sure that the lego blocks which fly out of your psyche are the ones that *they* planted there, but we all know that’s not how psyches work.

So anyway the web explodes and the blocks are gathered through writing or art or action. You then start to weave them together into a coherent structure. I am the weaver, remember? We are all the weaver. Towers are always built from the bottom up, but they are designed from the top down. Spidey spidey.

So the data you just exported is within the [sandbox] or the development environment of your [scaffold]. This is usually dreams, but when you have large insight it is the waking world. You can use writing and art to help it bridge the two, so that you weave it into a worldview more rapidly and efficiently.

In this sense, both the intense altered states which come with insight practices, and the condition commonly labelled ‘mania’ by the psychiatric industry, are one and the same. They can both be guided toward more happiness, stability and wellbeing for the individual, or they can be manipulated to make the individual have a lifetime pathology, depending on the narrative which is reinforced.

So if you are in a religious environment you will likely wind up becoming more religious. If you are tested by your world and stay calm then you will become more calm. If you become reactive then you will become more reactive. This is the window for deconditioning (or re-conditioning) and it should not be wasted.

And this is how humans learn and grow. We go through this process all the time. This current piece is the initial explosion of these lego-blocks, now I have a better handle on my GLOBAL BRAIN theory, but over time these pieces will go back into the churn and I will be able to wrangle them into something more coherent, and so on and so forth.

This is what I was calling ‘churn memory’ or cmem at the outset, and what the Buddha called formations. They become tight and convoluted if we are not able to bleed them off regularly with movement, regulation, focus, meditation and creative pursuits. 

This is why I felt all the goddamned sand-tunnels in my mind when I started aripiprazole and had to go through the 88 hells to get them out. Even they they weren’t all gone; not until the end of the [bodhitree-protocol].

And this is gonna look crazy to most people. Probably those scientists most of all; the people who study a rock and declare ‘there is no mountain’. But this is how we think and learn and I know it is because I HAVE FELT IT in my own brain. ‘Oh but you can’t feel thoughts james’. Yes you can. Ask any advanced meditator. You can feel your thoughts. You just can’t usually feel them in such a coarse manner as I did because you’re not usually put on the dopaminergic-express by aripiprazole.

Anyway..

When someone goes manic and feels like Jesus and starts creating things, you need to LET THEM DO IT and guide it to be safe and happy and constructive because they have just exploded their painful ball of self and the contents of the calzone are flying out so that they can be wrangled into a new worldview. 

If you give them neuroplasticity-suppressing drugs (or alcohol) then they will be left with a half-closed calzone and a broken and fragmented view of the world. If you give them a bullshit narrative of ‘you are broken’ then they will build their brand new lego tower around the idea ‘I am broken’ and may well wind up killing themselves.

Scientific references for this paper are zero and fuck you because the Buddha had zero references too. Ha.

Seriously though can some open minded scientists please start feeding back into this mess of a theory-of-mind so that I can refine it? I only care about the truth and I’ve worked with enough PhD plonkers to know they aren’t particularly good at the ‘big picture’ stuff. They’re great at looking at the world through a microscope but they need guidance. The WORST idea if you are building a company is to get a room full of PhDs and expect them to do anything but check each other’s fucking h-index and sit around reading papers to confirm knowledge they already have.

Anyway - lah di dah. Nobody’s gonna listen to this are they? Because of citations and credentials. Whatever. This is a first draft. This is a legopiece flying out of my mind after a nap, and it will form part of a tower further down the road; just wait and see.

/jb202512061548

(stream of consciousness)