under construction
one for the mental-healthy-people; will detail oscillation patterns
what I believe happened is that I started the process of de-selfing semi-intentionally through artistic methods after quitting alcohol, retiring early, hitting ironman world champs level fitness and finding all of the above to be dissatisfactory. i found a suicide corpse on a bike ride and developed ptsd. a net-doctor prescribed valproate without a diagnosis; this halted neuroplasticity and held me depressed for 6 months. I was prescribed guanfacine for suspected adhd, again without a diagnosis, and then requested aripiprazole for asd, because my depression was nudging suicidality.
aripiprazole elevated my dopaminergic tone and accelerated the deconditioning all the way to 'non-dual' phenomenology overnight and held me in my [scaffold] for 2+ months while I removed a lot of traumatic conditioning of life. i escaped the drugs and proceeded to reverse-engineer the mechanics of enlightenment (resonance) while spending the next 6 months gradually rebuilding my psyche around this non-dual modality. the subjective duration of this period was circa 15 years due to changes in neuromodulator profile and i now exhibit zero symptoms of adhd or ptsd and am without identifiable suffering.
1 - explosive awakening
this is where i was given aripiprazole which unleashed a flood of insight that had been retarded by the previous valproate prescription. i was not formally diagnosed with anything, but the words bipolar, ADHD and ASD were thrown around as excuses for giving me these drugs. this entire period was spent in my [scaffold] and i achieved a great deal of trauma deconditioning but was decoupled from reality for the duration
2 - assimilation and grounding
a new prescription of valproate (w/o diagnosis) held me in a confused state and made me suicidal; i escaped this drug and proceeded to assimilate the experience and find parallels with the theravāda buddhist maps. i then reverse-engineered the mechanism of enlightenment from the MoA of the drugs, my history as a biohacking undiagnosed-neurodivergent athlete, and the phenomenology of insight practices. i used this to remove a great deal more trauma from my mind.
3 - validating the mechanism of enlightenment
having successfully encountered nibbana again through exercise and meditative techniques i reasoned that it was a case of elevated dopamine and multi-modal re-encoding. i proceeded to test this hypothesis with a controlled experiment utilising cold-exposure. this resulted in 1 week decoupled from reality and rapid deconditioning of all ‘hard trauma’ from my violent schoolhood and the suicide-corpse ptsd. i achieved the version of non-duality commonly called ‘arahant-adjacent’ or ‘post-path’, but this was not my goal.
4 - extracting the mechanism from the dogma
my goal was to extract these tools so that anyone could use them, and to save people being pushed into suicide by the current dsm system. i proceeded to induce an intentional encounter with nibbana in order to solidify my understanding of the neurochemical underpinnings and the role of the scaffold. this resulted in me both creating a new, technologically-sound interpretation of the buddhist teachings and consolidating the understanding of how we can shape our neural networks at will. i also removed the deep layers of conditioning from my parental relationships. my folks are loving people and i love them back, but conditioning is conditioning and i needed it gone.