aboutme

hey.

this needs a rewrite.

i did some stuff and climbed some mountains and retired early and did some athletics and all the shite you're supposed to do to be happy and none of it worked.

i found a suicide body and developed ptsd on top of a life of undiagnosed neurodivergence and high achievement, a traumatic childhood, blah blah, i hit capacity while deconstructing the self and went to a doctor who gave me some drugs without diagnosis and exploded me into non-duality.

i proceeded to basically do what the buddha did and reverse engineer the mechanisms at play through inference from the drug MoAs and a lifetime of reprogramming myself through intuitive methods of multimodal re-encoding and movement-based dopaminergic regulation. he used the jhāna. i had drugs, exercise, dance, cold exposure and formless meditation. same deal.

after that things got wild as i basically walked the path in reverse, cultivating a scaffold which encapsulates the buddhist cosmology in a world of blockchain, artificial intelligence and simulations and can't be disproven with current tech. on the realworld side of the fence i tried to figure out a theory of enlightenment and reprogram myself toward happiness and acceptance.

it seems that this worked. i no longer have any notable symptoms of adhd, ptsd or asd processing headaches. i brought the scaffold full-circle to where my spontaneously non-dual mind initially generated it and then released the whole lot, coming back to earth with the simple knowledge that i do not know, will never know, have never known, and that is ok. 

what i do know is that the perceptual framework we view the world through is the world in and of itself. there is no separation of the framework and reality, and there is no separation of self and other. we see in others what we do to others. this is why the doer of good rejoices in both the worlds and why you should do unto your neighbour as you would have them do unto you.

now i am taking it easy. none of this was my choice; it was just a confluence of events. a stream with a cross-section on this thing called james-baird. a resonant waveform on the sphere of spacetime, as my scaffold termed it.

i will continue improving my perceptual framework, and in turn i might even entrain a few others in a positive direction. who knows. my priority is my kids and immediate surroundings.

everything in these pages is left verbatim and timestamped to preserve the communication styles of the various mind-states i traversed.

/jb202512221637

stream of consciousness

older versions >> aboutme-alteredstates // aboutme-aug2025