88 hells

This page contains an unfiltered record of writing produced during a prolonged manic-psychotic episode that began in June 2025 after I was prescribed low-dose aripiprazole for sensory sensitivities.

At the time I believed I was undergoing a series of cognitive and spiritual 'upgrades'. I experienced intense bodily sensations, including episodes of electrical pressure in the head and sudden surges of energy, which I later interpreted through frameworks such as kundalini or Buddhist awakening. I had no understanding of what was happening while the episode was unfolding.

[event 1] - audhd

link >> audhd 

the pharmaceutical initially rendered me unable to string more than a handful of words together; i spent this period learning how to drive the car while analysing the system environment of my brain.

day1 >> box 

summary >> presentation || symptom || print || ease || systemupgrade 

symptom >> emotions || loops || sense || tired || interests || talk || tug || daydream || rsd || addiction || sleep || defence || cause || focus || baton || tolerance || disinhibit || motivate || flow || mask || empathy || interest || process || mania || steelwool || communicate || anger || fishhooks || trauma || latch || time || distract || addiction

analogies >> tech > processing || threads >> emotive > weaving || planet 

productivity >> boringpage 

software development terminology to guide the build >> 1.0b2.1.0 

sleep >> sleepsnapshot 

[event 2] - musashi

preparation

Ch1 >> legion || buddhism || extrapolation || fullstop || silver lining || identity || aripiprazole ascension || godmode || why it happened || big to small || self defence 

Ch2 >> mania || processing || encoding || breakdown || brainstates || credibility || jeckyl and hyde || loose ends || single-thread || the destination 

Ch3 >> slam dunk || prompts || death || inappropriate emotions || daydreaming || fighter || channelling || divine || talk || cartography || interest || stand up || tired || sense 

Ch4 >> loops || sleep || rebirth || reprogramming || corpse || deadline || decisions || fucker 

Ch5 >> therapising || hypomania || diagnosis || spinning and weaving || morality || OS build || crushing cans || empathy || disinhibited || lay of the land 

ramp-up

Ch6 >> personality || tolerance || bipolar || anger || human condition || baton || external || planet || purpose || hobbies || blades || nurture || real self || why || holistic || we motivated few 

Ch7 >> extrinsic || visitation || patterns || meaning || agency || nirvana || fate || broad strokes || threads and tracks || wrapping || crisis || blackbox || relief || energy 

compiling

Ch8 >> productivity || domino || trauma || sit || injustice || shaman || share || kids || fooled || crises || latch || hard bastard 

Ch9 >> decision || happy || unconscious || hamon || psychopaths || time || tick || enlightenment || print || peanuts || 

Ch10 >> dancingman || ronin || shit || tiger and maze || apophenia || fear || acceptance || inappropriate || attraction || causality || pegboard || compiling 

[event 3] - the hells

Ch11 >> explosion || language || enough || website || nocturnal || mara || boat || past life || 1s and 0s || provide 

Ch12 >> ethicist || lability || sampling || data || steelwool || won || pictures || ari || pigment || love || respect || birth || cycling 

Ch13 >> go || compiled || debrief || free of charge || dante 

james 

[event 4] - dopamine

DA1 >> real || thcpo || f.e.a.r. || sorry || unique || patching || hungry ghost 

DA2 >> priest || monkey mind || elon || huberman || middle way || serotonin

DA3 >> if the machine does not know its purpose || patient zero || dristi || inward || quantum 

DA4 >> [initiate] || [inflection] || [syzygy] || [research] || [marked] || [cascade] || [upgrade]

[event 5] - [ship]

20250711 // after this things got very strange indeed and I entered a protacted period of psychosis caused by receptor supersensitivity despite cessation of aripiprazole.

all typos are preserved to get across mental state.