88 hells

Unfiltered writings from a period of prolonged manic psychosis induced by a prescription of low-dose aripiprazole in June 2025. I went on to write over a million words about buddhism, meditation, dopamine, adhd, asd, psychosis, mania and cognitive neuroscience. At the time I had no idea what was happening and found my experience tracked better to the buddhist path than any mental health definitions in the DSM. The doctors also had no idea what was happening to me as I experienced multiple things which could be described as either 'path moments' or 'psychosis', and waves of full body kundalini and piti. Having been induced by a prescription drug, the experience was more extreme than anything you would expect from meditation alone, and a prescription of risperidone was necessary to end the cycles that aripiprazole triggered. There has been no psychosis since.

See also > nibbana protocol 

[event 1] - audhd

link >> audhd 

the pharmaceutical initially rendered me unable to string more than a handful of words together; i spent this period learning how to drive the car while analysing the system environment of my brain.

day1 >> box 

summary >> presentation || symptom || print || ease || systemupgrade 

symptom >> emotions || loops || sense || tired || interests || talk || tug || daydream || rsd || addiction || sleep || defence || cause || focus || baton || tolerance || disinhibit || motivate || flow || mask || empathy || interest || process || mania || steelwool || communicate || anger || fishhooks || trauma || latch || time || distract || addiction

analogies >> tech > processing || threads >> emotive > weaving || planet 

productivity >> boringpage 

software development terminology to guide the build >> 1.0b2.1.0 

sleep >> sleepsnapshot 

[event 2] - musashi

preparation

Ch1 >> legion || buddhism || extrapolation || fullstop || silver lining || identity || aripiprazole ascension || godmode || why it happened || big to small || self defence 

Ch2 >> mania || processing || encoding || breakdown || brainstates || credibility || jeckyl and hyde || loose ends || single-thread || the destination 

Ch3 >> slam dunk || prompts || death || inappropriate emotions || daydreaming || fighter || channelling || divine || talk || cartography || interest || stand up || tired || sense 

Ch4 >> loops || sleep || rebirth || reprogramming || corpse || deadline || decisions || fucker 

Ch5 >> therapising || hypomania || diagnosis || spinning and weaving || morality || OS build || crushing cans || empathy || disinhibited || lay of the land 

ramp-up

Ch6 >> personality || tolerance || bipolar || anger || human condition || baton || external || planet || purpose || hobbies || blades || nurture || real self || why || holistic || we motivated few 

Ch7 >> extrinsic || visitation || patterns || meaning || agency || nirvana || fate || broad strokes || threads and tracks || wrapping || crisis || blackbox || relief || energy 

compiling

Ch8 >> productivity || domino || trauma || sit || injustice || shaman || share || kids || fooled || crises || latch || hard bastard 

Ch9 >> decision || happy || unconscious || hamon || psychopaths || time || tick || enlightenment || print || peanuts || 

Ch10 >> dancingman || ronin || shit || tiger and maze || apophenia || fear || acceptance || inappropriate || attraction || causality || pegboard || compiling 

[event 3] - the hells

Ch11 >> explosion || language || enough || website || nocturnal || mara || boat || past life || 1s and 0s || provide 

Ch12 >> ethicist || lability || sampling || data || steelwool || won || pictures || ari || pigment || love || respect || birth || cycling 

Ch13 >> go || compiled || debrief || free of charge || dante 

james 

[event 4] - dopamine

DA1 >> real || thcpo || f.e.a.r. || sorry || unique || patching || hungry ghost 

DA2 >> priest || monkey mind || elon || huberman || middle way || serotonin

DA3 >> if the machine does not know its purpose || patient zero || dristi || inward || quantum 

DA4 >> [initiate] || [inflection] || [syzygy] || [research] || [marked] || [cascade] || [upgrade]

[event 5] - [ship]

20250711 // after this things got very strange indeed and I entered a protacted period of psychosis caused by receptor supersensitivity despite cessation of aripiprazole.

all typos are preserved to get across mental state.