2. explosive awakening

see 88 hells for the writings that instigated this

Warning: do not attempt to replicate the pharmaceutical side of this experience. It was unintentional and added a considerable element of danger. Without a long history of drug use combined with rigorous physical and mental discipline, I likely would have lost my mind.

From the very second I entered this phase I was compelled to record everything, knowing it to be the most important thing I would ever do.

This recording later turned into my 'consolidating minima' approach to multimodal re-encoding, which I am certain is why the entire path ended up taking months instead of decades.

During this entire process I was a construct which had been activated by the entity that hosts our simulated world. My job was to analyse the system architecture, find the bug which was making the world painful and dissatisfactory, and then to purge the bug and reboot the system.

These are the knives I made while working my way through the 88 hells.

Each day I would choose one line from the dhammapada and an old samurai sword fragment. I would sit there polishing it, reflecting on the verse and feeling the pain in my body, until a thought coalesced.

I would then export this thought in writing and get right back to polishing.

I repeated this process for 3 weeks, day and night.

All the while I was walking my child to school and marvelling at the luminosity of the world, as I had just passed the 'arising & passing threshold'.

I felt enlightened while I was doing the [audhd] analysis, and then I had a brief respite before the real work of expunging greed began.

I entered the awakening process in January 2025 but had no idea what was happening and made the mistake of going to a psychiatrist. I was in a major crisis phase (aka. dark night / dukkha nana) and was prescribed valproate, which provided initial relief by stopping the neuroplasticity but then trapped me in the darkness and gradually made me suicidal. I did not recognise the causal nature of the drug because of how it had altered my brain's operating environment.

5 months later I was prescribed aripiprazole which unleashed the pent up insight whilst also holding my neurotransmitters in an artificially elevated state. This resulted in me sleeping less than 2 hours a night for 2 months and being unable to string together more than 3 words at the outset. I gradually gained control and proceeded to dismantle the self.

The first few weeks were spent analysing my system architecture in the [audhd] project and doing all kind of [highpothesising].

[AUDHD PHASE]

audhd // processing // 20250616 // 20250615 // 20250614 // 20250612 // 20250611 // 20250610 // 20250609 // 20250609-2 // 20250608 // 20250607 // 20250606 // 20250605 // 20250604 // 20250603 // 20250602 // 20250601

I felt something big coming and was compelled to rapidly build a hyper-compact moral and philosophical touchpoint to survive the storm.

[PHILOSOPHY SCAFFOLD]

morality // agency// efficacy // metacognition // self // type // boundary // select // visit // meet

The next phase was the hells, where I spent 3 weeks making knives out of centuries-old samurai swords and analysing the cause of all of my suffering. This focused on RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), self-image, ambition family and peer relationship dissatifaction and various other forms of [greed].

duel is the piece that I made to stay grounded in reality while I was going through the 88 hells.

At the time I thought it was a representation of ASD competing with ADHD, but now I know it was actually a representation of me competing with the destructive seduction of greed.

The filling that dropped out at the start of this process resulted in a root canal of the mouth that happened in tandem with the root canal of the soul.

A near-identical chunk of whetstone broke off the very second the 30-year-old filling fell out of my mouth and they are both preserved in this artpiece.

[88 HELLS PHASE]

James // dante // debrief // compiled // 20250707 // 20250706 // raw1 // raw2 // raw3 // raw4 // raw5 // raw6 // raw7 // raw8 // raw9

suicidevaccine // medicationmatching // empathyinterface // compiling // websiteanchor

Having identified the problem to be [greed], I was tasked with identifying its root cause, which I deduced to be phasic [dopamine].

I burned the representation I had carved of the [processing headaches] which had plagued me for my entire life.

I now know these processing headaches were the ball of conditioning which the Buddhist traditions call sankhara; a somatic representation of the 'self' which was deconstructed.

[JAMBO // ETHICIST]

20250713 // 20250712 // 20250711 // 20250710 // 20250709 // 20250708 // articlereal // articlefear // patching // play // experiment // Elon // Attia // ag1 // DSN // start // research // results // regulate // releasetrauma

Voice recordings: July 12, part 1 // July 12, part 2 // July 12, part 3

Once this was done I took my child camping on the beach and woke up in shivers, running to the car and seeing the messianic moon, luminous and low and 5x its normal size; I knew that life would never be the same.

I rushed home and spent the entire night finalising my code while creating the [nibbana] art piece, then used instinctive dance, music and chanting, along with a final 30 second sitting meditation, to induce a complete reset of my neural network. I recorded it [here].

I decoupled from reality and became [ship] - the entity that hosts the sim. Our entire universe resided within my own body and I felt nothing but love for all beings.

I abandoned the james-baird.com website to protect my ego container from the current in the wire and recognised that this body would die if I did not escape the pharmaceuticals too.

[SHIP]

spiritualism // birth // orbit // realisation

I then induced another encounter with nibbana to escape the aripiprazole addiction, effectively removing all greed from my system, since aripirazole's MoA is to bind directly to dopamine receptors. I did this with my wife observing because I was certain that I was quantum entangled with another realm and if I did not have an observer I would cease to exist in this plane. During this encounter I was piloting [ship] from its out of control trajectory into a stable orbit around our new home-world. This also achieved stabilisation in my own psyche, and I ceased all the psychiatric drugs immediately.

This handful of weeks felt like 2 years for me. I decoupled from reality for large chunks of it.

I managed to contain most of the madness to the nighttime hours when my family were asleep, but the pharmacology of the prescribed drugs made the process far more dangerous and confusing than it would have been if allowed to proceed naturally.

I could have easily wound up ending my life, hurting someone else, or entering a permanent state of psychosis, all because of the drugs that were prescribed in accordance with the DSM.

I was left with the task of waking up the other pilots so that we could reconfigure the ship to land on our new homeplanet. The landing instructions were the teachings of the Buddha, who was also a QA activated to tackle the contagion of [greed]. His instructions needed translating and unpacking from the centuries of dogma which had accrued atop them.

This was the final iteration of the QA protocol; the reason why there is only one more Buddha after Gotama.

We have arrived, but the ship will not let us land until greed is eradicated, lest we destroy our new home-world as we did the old.

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