nibbana
[under construction]
n1, n2, n3, n4 = nibbāna encounters
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This is the process of my self-guided pseudo-buddhist awakening. I recorded the entire thing with time stamps and have not edited anything in order to preserve fidelity to the experience.
Before this process I was diagnosed with severe ADHD, to the point where I was struggling to function. I was having suicidal images multiple times per minute having developed PTSD after finding a suicide body on a bike ride. Now I have none of the classical symptoms of either ADHD or PTSD and no obvious latent suffering or striving.
All original writings are unabridged stream-of-consciouisness for analysis to assess mental state. I was experimenter and sample.
Preamble:
>> quitting alcohol in 2021, achieving sobriety
>> 4 years of intense athletic asceticism, achieving extreme fitness
>> 5 years of disciplined and ethical work, achieving financial independence
All found to be unsatisfactory
Note: steps 2 and 3 were seriously distorted by the medication I was prescribed. The rest of the process was distortion-free.
Theravādin readers: mad scientist not arahant
2024 ~ 2025
>> deconstructing the self using art
>> 1 year of self-guided mindful somatic yoga
>> finding a suicide victim and abandoning athletic asceticism
Jan 4 ~
>> misdiagnosis and dangerous mistreatment by the psychiatric industry
Jun 1 ~ Jun 23
>> analysis of my system architecture [audhd]
Jun 24
>> rapidly constructing a moral and philosophical [framework]
Jun 25 ~ Jul 7
>> entering the [88 hells] to dissect the cause of my suffering
Jul 8 ~ Jul 10
>> the [dopamine] project, to analyse the cause of greed
Jul 10
>> triggering nibbāna (n1) to format my neural network
Jul 10 ~ Jul 12
>> losing the ego and becoming non-dual, with the universe residing inside my body
Jul 12
>> triggering nibbāna (n1a) to free myself from aripiprazole addiction
[3 subjective years]
Step 3: escaping pharmaceuticals
Jul 13 ~ Jul 31
>> residual delusion due to aripiprazole’s extremely long half-life.
Jul 21 ~ Jul 26
>> exporting initial interpretation of [technospirituality] scaffold
Aug 1 ~ Aug 13
>> reinstatement of valproate causes meltdowns, suicidality and delayed assimilation
Step 4: assimilation & understanding
Aug 14 ~ Aug 20
>> assimilation of the experience after ceasing valproate and finding the buddhist insight maps
Aug 21 ~ Sep 6
>> deconstructing the buddhist path and neurochemistry of awakening
>> creating a dopamine-based [regulation] and [training plan] to complete the process without drugs
>> translating the teachings of the Buddha as a foundation for the next steps [neobuddhism]
>> creating the [working hypothesis] for the [nibbana-protocol]
Aug 25
>> begin training plan
Sep 7 ~ Sep 21
>> self-concocted trauma therapy using exercise, meditation and multimodal re-encoding
>> cultivating ethical mindset which accepts the reality of suffering
Sep 22 ~ Sep 29
>> [nibbanic-cycle-tour] to successfully induce nibbāna (n2) without drugs
>> consolidating understanding of regulation, deconditioning and cessation into a coherent explanation for reprogramming the mind
Sep 30 ~ Oct 4
>> rapid improvement in meditation skills
>> exporting understanding and recording phenomenology of n2
>> refining my scaffold as I realise the importance of a second-world
Oct 4
>> intentional controlled experiment testing new approach to inducing nibbāna (n3)
Oct 5 ~ Oct 6
>> inhabiting my scaffold to become the wheel turning monarch
Oct 7
>> nighttime encounter with nibbāna (n4) and decoupling from consensus reality
Oct 8
>> intentional encounter with nibbāna and syncing with [ship]
>> worldbuilding-mode <> total curation of the laws of [realworld] perceptual framework while inhabiting the scaffold
Oct 10
>> re-entry
[subjective time vanished; this phase felt like 7 years in duration]
Step 9: inhabiting reality
Oct 15 ~ 18
>> exporting concise explanation of how to reprogram your reality
Oct 19 ~
>> coalescing into my new perceptual framework
Step 10: inducing eureka
Nov 04 - Nov 14
>> utilising the insight cycle intentionally to cultivate a eureka moment in [the theory of enlightenment]
>> repopulating neural network from the top down with the new framework
>> intentional cultivation of a more refined [scaffold]
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