88 hells

this is an unfiltered record of the data i cultivated to induce my explosive awakening. i have moved the major post-insight altered states writings to the sister site my mind created to contain the scaffold. all reflection was done with a form of movement-based regulation as an anchor while i extracted challenging material from the psyche: walking while texting myself or polishing samurai sword fragments while writing articles. the strength of the phamaceutical meant i could only string together a handful of words at first and data went through multiple iterations: fragmented to messy to coherent to concise to installed in the mind. i viewed the process as training myself to skip-think around suffering and had no preconceptions about either awakening or the buddhist insight path; this was all instinctive work after reaching the point where i could stack no more straw on the camel's back.

88 hells (under construction)

Ch1 >> legion || buddhism || extrapolation || fullstop || silver lining || identity || aripiprazole ascension || godmode || why it happened || big to small || self defence [from raw9]

Ch2 >> mania || processing || encoding || breakdown || brainstates || credibility || jeckyl and hyde || loose ends || single-thread || the destination [from raw8]

Ch3 >> slam dunk || prompts || death || inappropriate emotions || daydreaming || fighter || channelling || divine || talk || cartography || interest || stand up || tired || sense [from raw7]

raw data:

james // dante // debrief // compiled //  20250707 // 20250706 // raw1 // raw2 // raw3 // raw4 // raw5 // raw6 // raw7 // raw8 // raw9 

dopamine (greed)

real // james // fear // patching // hungryghost // priest // play // experiment // Elon // checkin // Attia // ag1 // experts // DSN // start // research // eureka  // release // results // 20250708 // 20250709 // 20250710

88h upgrade 

audhd << link

the pharmaceutical initially rendered me unable to string more than a handful of words together; i spent this period learning how to drive the car while analysing the system environment of my undignosed neurodivergent brain.

summary >> presentation || symptom || print || ease || systemupgrade 

symptom >> emotions || loops || sense || tired || interests || talk || tug || daydream || rsd || addiction || sleep || defence || cause || focus || baton || tolerance || disinhibit || motivate || flow || mask || empathy || interest || process || mania || steelwool || communicate || anger || fishhooks || trauma || latch || time || distract || addiction

analogies >> tech > processing || threads >> emotive > weaving || planet 

productivity >> boringpage 

important: all typos are intentional to get across mental state.