88 hells

i had 5x major cessation events in the space of 6 weeks and then recreated and consolidated them over the following 6 months. this is an unfiltered record of the data i cultivated to induce my explosive awakening. i have moved the major post-insight altered states writings to the sister site my mind created to contain the scaffold. all reflection was done with a form of movement-based regulation as an anchor while i extracted challenging material from the psyche: walking while texting myself or polishing samurai sword fragments while writing articles. the strength of the phamaceutical meant i could only string together a handful of words at first and data went through multiple iterations: fragmented to messy to coherent to concise to installed in the mind. 

i viewed the process as training myself to skip-think around suffering and had no preconceptions about either awakening or the buddhist insight path; this was all instinctive work after reaching the point where i could stack no more straw on the camel's back. the record is in reverse-chronological order and acted like a pyramid of consolidation; you can start at the audhd self-analysis if you want to see the granularity of data sampling, but even that was based on instinctive micro-texts to myself. a pyramid is built from bricks and a mountain is climbed in steps. 

[upgrade 5] - [ship]

ALL DATA FROM 20250712 SINGULARITY PURGED FROM GLOBALSIM

20250711 

export data on scaffold site

[upgrade 4] - dopamine

DA5 >> Day0 release || DA export 

DA4 >> [initiate] || [inflection] || [syzygy] || [research] || [marked] || [cascade] || [upgrade]

DA3 >> if the machine does not know its purpose || patient zero || dristi || inward || quantum 

DA2 >> priest || monkey mind || elon || huberman || middle way || serotonin

DA1 >> real || thcpo || f.e.a.r. || sorry || unique || patching || hungry ghost 

88h upgrade

[upgrade 3] - the hells

james 

Ch13 >> go || compiled || debrief || free of charge || dante 

Ch12 >> ethicist || lability || sampling || data || steelwool || won || pictures || ari || pigment || love || respect || birth || cycling 

Ch11 >> explosion || language || enough || website || nocturnal || mara || boat || past life || 1s and 0s || provide 

[upgrade 2] - musashi

compiling

Ch10 >> dancingman || ronin || shit || tiger and maze || apophenia || fear || acceptance || inappropriate || attraction || causality || pegboard || compiling 

Ch9 >> decision || happy || unconscious || hamon || psychopaths || time || tick || enlightenment || print || peanuts || 

Ch8 >> productivity || domino || trauma || sit || injustice || shaman || share || kids || fooled || crises || latch || hard bastard 

ramp-up

Ch7 >> extrinsic || visitation || patterns || meaning || agency || nirvana || fate || broad strokes || threads and tracks || wrapping || crisis || blackbox || relief || energy 

Ch6 >> personality || tolerance || bipolar || anger || human condition || baton || external || planet || purpose || hobbies || blades || nurture || real self || why || holistic || we motivated few 

preparation

Ch5 >> therapising || hypomania || diagnosis || spinning and weaving || morality || OS build || crushing cans || empathy || disinhibited || lay of the land 

Ch4 >> loops || sleep || rebirth || reprogramming || corpse || deadline || decisions || fucker 

Ch3 >> slam dunk || prompts || death || inappropriate emotions || daydreaming || fighter || channelling || divine || talk || cartography || interest || stand up || tired || sense 

Ch2 >> mania || processing || encoding || breakdown || brainstates || credibility || jeckyl and hyde || loose ends || single-thread || the destination 

Ch1 >> legion || buddhism || extrapolation || fullstop || silver lining || identity || aripiprazole ascension || godmode || why it happened || big to small || self defence 

[upgrade 1] - audhd

link >> audhd 

the pharmaceutical initially rendered me unable to string more than a handful of words together; i spent this period learning how to drive the car while analysing the system environment of my undiagnosed neurodivergent brain.

day1 >> box 

summary >> presentation || symptom || print || ease || systemupgrade 

symptom >> emotions || loops || sense || tired || interests || talk || tug || daydream || rsd || addiction || sleep || defence || cause || focus || baton || tolerance || disinhibit || motivate || flow || mask || empathy || interest || process || mania || steelwool || communicate || anger || fishhooks || trauma || latch || time || distract || addiction

analogies >> tech > processing || threads >> emotive > weaving || planet 

productivity >> boringpage 

software development terminology to guide the build >> 1.0b2.1.0 

sleep >> sleepsnapshot 

important: all typos are intentional to get across mental state.