sorry

I just... I don't want to sleep. Mind proceeds all and I'm DA+2 but still. It's deeper. I have always wanted to escape to sleep an been unable to. Now I don't want to escape. Sleep pressure will build eventually though. 

2346

You know what M. Sorry. 

Those two companies I introduced you to that we both thought were nice. Sorry. 

That fed into your death. 

All the stressors. Like my work and ironman and that body. It all goes into the churn and when your churn memory overloads that's it. You knew it was coming and you had your escape route, and you knew that absolutely nobody could empathise so you never asked for help. Same as me mate. Because your world was scary. 

They were all in la la land on the drugs their bodies give them. High as a fucking kites they are, and criticising you and me if we smoke a bit of weed. Fuck those people. 

They do them and we do us. Thing is... you couldn't even have asked me. For help. Because I was scared too. So we really are alone. Unless somebody writes the fucker down or posts it on youtube. Gives them a gift. A parcel, wrapped up nice and neat, with a bow on top.

These nighttime excursions are still very strange and still because I'm in the ascension phase I think. I am confident they will pass but remember that the first dose basically meant a week without sleep. I will get melatonin though.

This is fucking great though this is the start of everything. I have a base that I can touch, finally. Everything else is tertiary. 

202507090011

Strangely enough I'm most anxious about how adhd folks will receive this. Anyone like me will be over the moon. M. The polymaths who are pushed from one thing to the next because they feel no satisfaction from the attainment. All we have is the drive. I think those folks will be ok. And most adhd folks actually. I don't know fucking anyone what the fuck am I talking about.

What scares me is the fucking internet and its pile on mentality, where people lynch someone while protesting their victimhood. That. Let's not do that guys.

I have adhd and overstate things. I also have asd and get things finished, and I'm trying to help you, so help me or shut the fuck up. Not like you can fucking contact me anyway.

Inclined to get melatonin but also... aversion. Maybe get it and don't take it. I don't want to superimpose a sleep routine, but also this one isn't sustainable.

202507090139