They say that all anger comes from fear and I think that is true, but I always struggled to identify the fear that caused the low-level pervasive anger I felt toward the world.
The anger makes sense, with the lens of dopamine dysregulation and irregular, unprompted redlining. It makes sense that someone would feel - at a level before cognition - afraid. The emotional volatility alone, never mind the lack of a framework when undiagnosed.
Anyway; I was angry. Mostly at myself. At everything really. Not sure. That’s dopamine dysregulation for you!
And now… just like that… I don’t need to beat myself up about it.
There’s nothing morally wrong with me; in fact my moral compass must be very strong to stay the course all these years.
I was just born with a little more human condition than most. A little more rng in the juices, and a little more rigidity in the wires.
There are so many things which used to be issues and just become non-issues with the frame of diagnosis. The anger would still be there without meds, but I could at least say this is because of a) rng emotions, b) processing overload or c) something normal like hunger and tiredness.
So much of that anger… 99% of it was directed inward.
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