My brain convinced me it’s morning again. Dopamine. Amazing stuff. Not at all like the simplistic desire/pleasure narrative we have. These night times. With the frogs singing. The peace. Nothing moving. These times are golden and there is a little bit of Mr Hyde going on here but hey - this is data.
The ethical implications of altering brain chemistry. Thing is, someone is going to do it; we need it to be someone who can stay the course. But can anyone stay the course when dopamine is involved? They can’t. It’s inherently impossible.
Depending on my dopamine levels I have felt invincible or tiny, sure, but it’s deeper than that. You cannot think without dopamine.
So each time I’ve had a ‘dosing issue’ I have also had an incredibly profound and difficult few days of emotional recall and lability. I am better able to recall and alter my memories and feelings. Right now I’m probably starting to look at ‘self’ and what it means to be. This kind of question feels answerable with dopamine, and the meaning of life felt coherent (and still makes sense: to find meaning).
Well you find meaning through dopamine so according to that logic, dopamine = life? It sure is. Dopamine is also the meaning of life. And it is the secret to being able to grasp your memories and wrangle them into some coherent form, I think.
The light bar I set to go off at bedtime just went off, and I just got up after 4 hours sleep. So strange. I’m going to use the word hypermotivated for this state because that’s what it is, but not in a jittery sense. It’s more a hyper-labile hyper-clear state. A state where someone would be incredibly receptive to brainwashing or suggestion.
And this is why I can’t rush this.
This is why I need to train myself to be an ethicist before doing anything.
And even then, I’ll need 3 layers of redundancy for myself too.
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