My brain seems to need deadlines to plan back from. This isn’t even conscious, though maybe it was at some point.
It will target something - Xmas or a race or a holiday - and it will start to plan back, break things down into chunks. The year becomes the month becomes the week, the day, the hour, the minute.
Then I weave, and all the pieces feel so impossibly tangled I have no idea how it can ever work out… but somehow it does. The impulsive side throws in an extra project when it sees any slight opening, but the quiet one has been planning and things almost always work out.
Why is this? Why the deadlines? I just had a deadline thrown into question and it threw all these threads in the air; previously I’d have pretended it didn’t bother me and I would ‘roll with the punches’ but really… I’m autistic and it bothers me. I had planned back from that.
I guess this is to do with the dopamine response I get from a plan coming together. I enjoy processes and improvement, and there is no better evidence for a good process than everything just magically coalescing the night before the deadline.
It’s stressful though and I am happy the impulsive side is tamped down a bit now.
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