So people have been like ‘you cray cray’ for throwing around words like nirvana. Can’t say I blame them. It’s not in their vocab.
The language of Buddhism was literally created for this kind of experience. And even then the definition of nirvana just means ‘extinguishing of desire’, which is what this was. My cravings just fell away. The withdrawal I was born with ended.
So I’m gonna go on using buddhist terms. Scientific terms would have sounded crazy in their day too. Language is a tool and nothing more.
I’m also pretty sure the buddha had audhd. Ha! There! I said it!
Why?
Suffering.
Dukkha.
The wheel of rebirth every second.
Attachment
Etc
There are too many parallels; just in their day they didn’t have the tools we have now.
Religious epiphany-like states are some kind of brain chemistry state. It’s that simple. Dopamine and serotonin and being in a church and you think it’s god. But it’s not god; it’s chemistry. For me the main doubt of this was how great I felt, until I realised it was probably delayed processing of a hell of a lot of meditation.
I had an interesting, painful, unpleasant, and probably essential experience with a loved one about 1 week into treatment. They wouldn’t stop pushing and I was in a loop; I could feel the steel wool spinning faster. I was asking them to stop because I knew something was coming but didn't know what.
And then a kind of pendulum swung into the wool and shattered it, with fragments drifting away in water. I think this was volitional action (the rules of engagement) and the pendulum was my ADHD / brain going ‘no’.
I now kinda think that meditation (to that degree; with the aim of nirvana) is quite literally to punish yourself so much that your brain’s defence mechanism kicks in and removes dopaminergic encoding for…. Everything.
To clarify: I don’t think I’m enlightened. I think I’m human instead of hungry ghost. But the world is full of hungry ghosts right now, and if this medicine can turn them human… well… there’s no choice involved.
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