Good morning! 4am but I’ve had 7 hours and here we are. I booked a flight to Phuket last night; will go solo for 10 days. Phuket is where this last 10 year segment of ‘getting your shit together’ started so it seems fitting it should end there. Plus weed is legal so I’m just going to get high, visit the old haunts, and make knives. Yes. I have bought baggage allowance so I can carry my whetstones with me.
These knives are the missing link. And this blog; curling out profundities to a crowd of nothing every morning. At least it feels like someone is listening, and this is mostly a way for me to process anyway. External memory and all that.
But yeah the art is fantastic but it’s also exhausting. I used it as a great way to expunge things from my psyche but kind of hit the ‘this is where I should be’ line with Jambo and my brain pushed me elsewhere. But it was gentle this time, because medication. And I’ve managed to come back, which is a great relief, because I really did not want to kill it.
Anyway the art is exporting and adhd and great but it’s not something you want to do when you’re quietly nurturing. The art is about tearing down, opening up, cracking open, death. The knives are about feeding, polishing, nurturing, growth. It was… like clockwork my brain impulse-bought this meteor and within a day of rubbing it was like ‘I need to get serious here’ and found a way to make it compatible with my adhd and productivity addiction. Furiously rubbing a meteor just won’t keep me entertained for long enough, but restoring centuries-old steel? Yep.
And now I’m back at the art a little I feel like I will just use it when I have something I want to say. First year I just made and made but I was learning the skills and it was also my soothing at the time; I had nothing else. Prior to this it was exercise, and before that alcohol. Before that? Fighting and wanking probably I don’t know. Upgraded problems apart from booze which was a lie.
Anyway the knives are recovery and growth. And I’m going to take them with me. Just need to figure out the airports but if checked they should be fine.
Not much profundity to curl out this morning and that’s a-ok. I have an art piece incoming about the destruction to relationships caused by this internal struggle. I wonder if anyone’s reading this and realises that the entire website was made as a way to meet them in the middle? Plenty of effort, see. Just atypical effort.
Anyway off I go while the epoxy is in its malleable window and the kids are in bed.
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