Now I’ve started writing and texting myself I can’t stop. The relief from offloading memory. I honestly believe that this is what modern society needs. Society is like the macro of J1; seeking the next thrill to fill the void but not realising that each splash in the pool removes a little more water.
These academics sharing research on dopamine without context. Irresponsible. How many deaths.
Anyway.
I need to see if what happened was real.
My doctor messed up and needs replacing. He had good intentions but he didn’t own his mistake and that’s a flag.
I need to get a proper MRI done of my brain and ask a team of neuroscientists to review it.
I need to take a month to completely stabilise on these meds and catch up on some missed sleep.
I need to carry on processing my life, the minutiae. Everything to now was the broad strokes.
I need to take it easy and let my mind play, frolic. It has been too serious for too long. The work needed doing and I needed to do it all at once but that was… time dilation and increased emotional access made it feel like 2 years in a world that was 20 times as emotionally charged as before.
But so much nicer.
Anyway.
I need to take it easy, basically. And I think 2mg is a good dose for me to do so. I needed to get up here because the 1 and the 1.5mg were too activating for me. I was building business plans and changing the world.
I still want to do these things but in order to be able to do so, I need to be able to be more considered.
There is truth in what happened and a real dopaminergic effect which can obviously be utilised for some very deep realignment in the audhd brain. But how much is replicable?
Would this have saved Mikhail? And the millions others? How many others?
But we live in a world of venture capitalists and balance sheets and scale and exit. My plan most certainly is to scale and exit, though not in the traditional sense of getting fat and dying.
In order to do so I need to build a business plan and pitch deck. And in order to do that I need to rest. I need to make sure I’m impervious to greed because if this works it’s billions and I want it to be free.
So now we are sat on the 2mg shelf, looking down at the weave, but I am going to leave it alone for a while. I have never been able to step back and 1mg just made the weaving more fun, while 2mg makes it more optional.
I think I will likely use different doses of ari depending on what phase I am in for work and creativity. I finally have a way to put on the brakes… but it take a lot of work to get there so the rests have to be long to be worth it. How will the perception of time during these titration phases change?
Why has nobody reported this?
Because this drug is only really used on children and nonverbals.
It really isn’t very nice though so it’s not a drug of abuse. It’s like a reverse-comedown as opposed to a come-up or I don’t know; it is something you need to get through to come out the other side. I don’t know what it is; a tunnel to a new self. I have never known anything like it.
I hope I can share this with people somehow. But even if not, AI for brain chemistry stabilisers sounds like a winner.
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