distract

So with the combo of asd and adhd I can get very easily distracted and then latch onto the distraction. I can also hyperfocus to the point where you can shout my name with spittle flying in my face and I will not register a thing.

The hyperfocus/distractability narrative is an unusual one. If you distract me and I get flustered, you’ll know, so I’ll focus on the internal distractibility.

Daydreaming. What a silly word. This is not daydreaming. This is also a defence mechanism or a form of self-medication, albeit one I don’t control.

It's not a kind of easy distractibility, but more a frantic searching, without a clear goal. The mind just needs to be moving, always. The mind tends to stay better focused on task when the body is moving in a repetitive manner; cycling, running, polishing knives, rubbing a meteor.

Anyway this is the DMN being active while the TPN works. It can bring creativity, sure, but usually just results in procrastination and rumination.

My daydreaming was *planning*. Always, always planning every single minute of every single day. A spare second? What’s the optimal order to pick up salt and chopsticks and… you get the idea. My brain always needed to be occupied, because the alternative was too uncomfortable. Always. For 42 years.

And the ironic thing is that when you do try to daydream, you’re unable to. You get distracted from the task. Even if the task is daydreaming. Or distracting yourself from something. Loop!

I also have sensory issues which mean that once my cheekbones have latched onto something, there’s no letting go of it. Or there wasn’t, until medication. And then if I got angry about it and into a loop... not fun.