So I’m pretty confident my autism was caused by my adhd. Everything that is ‘different’ about me can be tracked back to dopamine dysregulation.
So initially we have the time cells which are not getting proper data, so the events of life cannot be sequenced and encoded correctly, which causes identity issues.
The time cells also mean that our body-emotions are out of sync with our mind-emotion. It can mean we feel two things at once: compassion and rage, happiness and fear.
Time cells then mean that the data that’s coming through is in smaller chunks than most brains, so the brain doesn’t need to developer physical memory for more than 8mb or whatever.
What this then means is that in order to function in society you need to optimise your rules as much as possible. You have 8mb of ram so cant be taking the long way round.
This results in the overconnectedness in my brain, the skip thought, the freezing, the mental noise. It’s also where any genius or insanity I have may lie.
So adhd means that my circuitry optimised for speed. And adhd also means that I seek extremes.
I had to work so hard over the years to not just do the craziest stuff. It’s good energy, to a point. I needed 20 tall cans or ironman world championship level training just to tone it down enough to not Darwin myself.
It’s all dopamine. But it’s not the current narrative. The current narrative about dopamine is broken. More is not better or worse. We all have our homeostasis.
The thing with dopamine is the fluctuations, up or down, make you feel motivated and antsy. This happiness or peace that all the scriptures speak of? This is dopamine regulation and dopamine stability, not ‘more’.
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