Why
Why am I writing this?
I reckon it’s mostly just because. I’ve always been interested in my brain and now I have a chance to export it. It’s literally my entire universe and now it finally makes sense; I need to capture the inspiration before it’s gone.
Why else? To get aripiprazole to the world is what manic me would have said.
But the first reason was to write an instruction manual for my family. It is clear that my efforts to date were… ineffectual. So I’m going to drop the neurotypical approach and try something else.
Why else? My kid has the same brain as me. The thing I feel happiest about is being able to help him in terms of medication. Helping him in terms of advice… well… it seems like I have a lot in this brain which might be best catching as it comes out, lest it’s gone forever or I get hit by a bus.
Why else? I guess I hope that this will help some people.
I guess I also hope that this might spur some kind of new thought. My science will not be checked and things will be wrong but I’m typically good at identifying broad strokes so there’s a chance that something in here could help with AI research or adhd treatment or I don’t know. Just help someone to navigate a difficult time.
Why else? Because I finally feel my experience is valid.
I’ve travelled the world, built businesses, won races, had a family, retired early… all while apparently disabled? I have lived in 5 different countries and speak 2 languages fluently with a few others not so fluently. I have adhd and asd, and I think the asd was sat in the background secretly crunching the numbers. I have this inkling that there might be some little nugget buried way down deep… something valuable and shiny that will help me and others.
But only if I can get to it. And the way I process things is to output them, and to output them to an audience.
And I prolly wanna become an AI. Hiding your data is a losing game. I avoid social media and letting tech use me, but that won’t prevent me from trying to use the tech.
So here we are. Now I write. Whatever next?
202506241129