ease

Watching my second kid today at nursery, naturally skipping behind the other kids and high fiving. It all seems so easy, frictionless. How could I not see that I was not the same way? 

My wife mentioned that my first child was struggling with patty-cake; I remember struggling too. And skipping rope. Escalators, until I stopped looking. But the narrative… back then autism was nonverbal, so I was just normal and weak. I toughened up.

I was watching her in the garden just now. I stopped my furious knifing. She was pottering around the potatoes, went away for 5 minutes and came back with a watering can. Tending them like babies, almost. Such a nicer life. Such ease in existence. Such a peaceful world.

Maybe that’s why I did all this crazy shit like ironman and skydive and backcountry. My world was already scary and that’s all I knew. All I knew was louder or quieter. And quieter out there meant louder in here, so louder out there was the way to go.

I can’t tell you how much worse your own thoughts are than most modern external situations. Not torture or anything, but just the pain of existence. When the mind decides to devour it know no bounds.

Such ease. And there’s me, gurning away, looking to the next thrill. Are these people not enlightened? Do they not live in the eternal now?

Or is the eternal now something that only people with audhd can experience, because their mental hardware lacks the capacity for more. So once you either raise your land through meditation or lower your clouds through medication, you can live in the moment and enjoy it. But only with the caveat that you forget everything else. And unless your dopamine system is fixed, meditation also drastically increases your awareness of your own discomfort.

Maybe other people hold everything in their mind? Maybe time is one long continuum instead of… an ever-evolving now?

Whatever it is, their way of living seems so much more frictionless. 

She also said this is why they might get carried away in foolish public movements like our current political clime. The instinct is to follow the herd.

But then there’s some people who are more like rocks in the ocean. It’s not easy being a rock in an ocean. And it’s not particularly nice. But it’s valid. You get worn down by the waves though.

That’s a nice analogy. They’re starting to come together now. The weaver and the planet for emotive talk.

Any planet needs both land and sea. Neither is superior nor inferior. It’s divergence and convergence and the interplay of the two is the progress of the species.

202507031852