This reminds me of quitting beer. Waking up every morning with some nugget that my brain has cooked up; some little insight that bubbled it’s way through overnight. Or not, but usually something, and usually better accessed for not filling your head with noise before typing.
So I sit there and rub steel in the day and think but don’t really think, then the next day I tend to have insight into whatever topic it was. It’s kind of effortless; like a kind of divining. Like knitting! If your emotional mind - the juices - have always been louder than your coherent self, yet somehow you seemed coherent to everyone all these years, and you were able to do this already, oh the wonders you may see.
So I try to write about the usual stuff; frustration and how an abundance of motivation are my issues… but honestly I’m a bit bored of the audhd rubbish now and want to get into the self. The juicy stuff. Philosophy. The audhd is just a framework and a way of understanding my brain. Some people have Freud; I have neuroscience. It fits. I needed a baseline to work through the existential issues that have bothered me my whole life and thanks to audhd I now have that baseline.
Kinda worry this might come across as culty but it’s not and nobody’s reading it apart from the G-man anyway (not God, ha). I hate management! You can all fuck off. No contact details on the site. But I am so tired of these supposed intellectuals I used to work with blanket-rejecting millennia of wisdom of the soul because they don’t like the language used and the fact that we can’t measure it yet (see cartography).
Anyway what I want to do is create a holistic picture of humanity and if you think that’s ambitious or weird or whatever then go sit on your football. I’m human and so are most of the people I care about. Buddhism and Christianity and all the others (?) have common threads of (basically) a midlife crisis, mental breakdown, and awakening. These religions have helped millions over the years and maybe now we have the science to cherry-pick, and put 20 years of meditation practice into a pill. There’s a brain state that can be replicated with science.
Yes yes we might already be in the matrix but being in a game wouldn’t stop you trying for a high score. And in all seriousness the Matrix is the only way we survive as a species anyway.
I am starting to feel like the ‘symptoms’ page needs a brush up. It probably sounds a bit angry. But this is my ‘creative process’. Throw shit at the wall. Wait and see what doesn’t fall off. Scoop it up. Throw harder.
Lovely.
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