Maybe one of the reasons I’m getting up so early is the peace and quiet. I have so much processing to do and I have so little control over it, that maybe brain is just like ‘no kids for this mate’.
So anyway. inappropriate emotions. Not nice as someone with a very strong moral compass. It can really make you question yourself when you don’t grieve loss or experience joy in the same way as the people around you.
I think there are two factors at play in me: adhd and asd. Surprise! And one caused the other.
So adhd is randomosity and drive. It pushes you to do shit without thinking, Darwin yourself or set up a company to change the world. This is evolution and it’s good up to a point but then it becomes very unpleasant for the user if it goes too far.
So this data shapes the asd wires and they mostly stay that way forever. This means that now I am medicated, I do not have rsd but I do have rsd.
So I have all the learned anticipatory behaviours of wondering if I’m pissing someone off, etc. But then I just don’t care.
I get huge spikes in adrenaline sometimes when dealing with people; especially confrontationally. Because I am autistic and learned to fistfight. My body knows the score. Don’t worry I’ve never struck first.
So these factors can make human relationships very challenging.
missing timestamp