One thing I’ve noticed is that I’m less verbose. Yes. Really. I have cut off a lot of the niceties at the end of the sentence. I just don’t know how to use them any more, and they were ineffectual to begin with. If everyone already thinks I lack empathy then I might as well stop trying so hard.
I’m still kicking myself a bit about the final LinkedIn debacle. If only I could have gone out in style. But who cares, really? That place is a mess.
I did however spend 10 years building a strong reputation in a niche market and then.. well.. I didn’t need it any more and put it on pause. I tried to ask the network for help when I found aripiprazole; unfortunately I probably worded it a bit like Kanye.
Anyway; no great loss but I wish I could have just quit like a normal person. We have an explanation for that now. There’s a couple of people I respect who I probably upset during a tumultuous time with brain chemistry meds; I’ve sent an apology but been ignored so I guess that’s just another knot in the stomach for the next few months.
Anyway that was a different tool for a different job. It’s a shame that the network itself wasn’t of help, but the skills I used to build that network could be just what the doctor ordered if I decide to get serious about clinical trials.
That said there’s a growing part of me that just wants to enjoy the second half of life. But I think this is the trap; the people get happiness and forget to share it. This is why I had to move so quickly and embarrass myself; because otherwise I would not move at all.
And I knew this, from a lifetime of adhd. The only way is to act. Then and there, in the moment, while the fire is burning. If you wait, you lose. And this is the neurotypical approach: to wait. Not fond of that word but if we are talking 50%, then 50%+ would wait. Their fires don’t burn so hard and fast.
Well I can’t wait and I had a changing brain and some things were messy but they always have been.
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