The only way to get the lay of the land… is to leave.
I know that when I left the uk is when I became able to see the uk. Fortnightlong holidays don’t cut it; it needs to be 4+ months immersed.
Probably best I don’t go into my opinion of the uk…
Everything about life and priorities here is different. And then leaving business to do art. That was a huge change and there’s still a conditioned part of me that’s like ‘what will the businessbodies think about this’ but I don’t give a fuck really; I give a fuck about feeding my family and keeping businessbodies happy was a way to do that (plus rsd in J1). Pavlov’s karmic dog frothing away.
Probably best I don’t go into my opinion of business…
Then there’s the process of learning. I’m 42 this year and 41-year-old-me makes me cringe, though to be honest this year is a bit of an outlier so let’s say 41 vs 40 year old me. I have a loads of life experience yet always felt woefully unprepared..
Lovely rain outside this morning. I’m really getting the hang of these knives now. Feels good. Had the usual ‘I’m getting good and should check I’m doing it right’ pang but ignored it; never give in to that pang. That pang is a killer of originality, progress and fun.
Anyway leaving the land. What have I done now if not leave the land of the self, almost. Or rather, leave the land of the superimposed self and enter the land of the real self?
40 years superimposed self? Or 30ish? That’s a weird one. So my experiences and feelings were legitimate. That’s the thing. But other things weren’t. The dance was made for gazelles and I’m an elephant. The amount of realisations I’m having now - around the 4 month mark - is totally expected. Just like that first time I left England. Stopped drinking. Went through any kind of ‘recalibration’
I left the uk and saw that violent crime was not the norm.
I wonder what I’ll discover now I’ve left the superimposed self.
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