unique

laid down again but sleep is not coming though that's not the right phrase. I didn't want to sleep as soon as I got there. This is one other reason I'm writing so much. It's just plain old hyper-motivation, which has been every second of my life to date apart from when utterly exhausted or sitting with high GABA and DA from whatever source. I think I'm just going to start talking about these states like this to bypass all the baggage that adhd folks have with substances.

In general easy daily functioning, we benefit from increasing DA, GABA, and 5-HT, and decreasing NE, in simplistic terms. No way I can detail individual brain regions but that's the whole point - a machine could. 

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Ari takes away the fear. Not the anxiety,

Frankly though even G might have been audhd. He was not a happy man and he was magnetically drawn to me. We are all sick. I tried to help M and don't need to feel bad that the efforts didn't work. He focused on surgery for neuroscience and obviously knew something was wrong, but I think it was neurotransmitters not neurones... 

35% are non-responsive to stimulants and I have a very strong suspicion that this 35% is me. 200 million people at least. 

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So this is something unique to my brain which I'm not sure a normal brain could achieve. Maybe this is why mania is such an annoying word for me. If my dopamine has always been dysregulated then that means crazy big spikes. That is mania. So by that definition I have been going into mania for my whole life, and if you look back at me flying across the world building companies and running races, I probably have been. So it's like a micro-version of rapid-cycling bp2 with a stronger grasp of reality, I guess.

Seriously 1 hour of sleep now feels like 4 hours previously so not quite sure what to do here. I'll work it out. Back ot bed for a while. Maybe just sleeping when I can is the best option. Last time the ari did this and after 10 days the sleep was golden. Day 4.5 now?

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