I guess I don’t really need to sweat this ‘building a personality’ thing, do I? I already have a personality. Like Jambo. Somehow all the parts came together.
What I did previously though, I guess that was frantically trying to get to some kind of ‘completion’ or finish line. Maybe to complete the task of the mask so I could be genuine; maybe just because every task needs finishing. I don’t know.
But my point is that now the tempest has calmed, the answers are almost all there to see. It’s just a case of coaxing them out.
So I have a couple of blades. Old blades. Likely 800 years or so. They came from a bunch of 5. Family. Bandits. Who knows. One is sharpened down to a nubbin, no signature, but awesome steel. This is my ‘self’ blade. The other is nicked and dented from combat. Bigger, more flamboyant, looks better but not as good.
These are going to be my meditations and I’ll just sit there and … coalesce. I think it’s just a case of keeping the mind busy so the brain can wander, or vice versa. Since the DMN and TPN are active I don’t know why but hey - autistic people need to stim to process emotions. Adhd means I kinda struggle to process anything unless I’m occupied.
So just maybe the autistic necessity for stimming is actually an adhd trait that occupies part of the mind so the other part can process the juicy stuff, even unconsciously.
Anyway the idea is I just sit there and rub steel. Maybe go for a walk. Play some games. Get my kid. Rub more steel. All the while just popping on here and adding if anything seems worth adding.
No structure, as usual, and one day it’ll just be done so I will come back, wipe the whole thing clean, and type it out with the weave in mind.
But right now I’m in the warping phase. I am warping my personality out of my unconscious mind. Sounds cooler that way.
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