Hands are floaty now and I think the serotonin is kicking in? floaty hands like gatecrasher, silken dancing through the park. This is serotonin.
Above was dopamine. I am going to record how my chemistry is looking for each day. Not each post, unless it’s impacted by something like cannabis (which I use a lot; legal analogs here in Japan and not the real thing unfortunately, but legal, so…)
Ok I’d say I’m stepping up to S3 right now, D1. N also down, I think the med is finally starting to level. Maybe silly dosing again; seems I’m making all the mistakes. Shoulda just double dropped to get the plasma levels up half-life 72h. getting floaty and sleepy now because the serotonin is creeping int.
More than that though, what I feel with this med, is the face. I feel my entire face go slack. I cen feel those cheekbone muscles tensing up again as the dopamine creeps in. Is this why I made the studiy of the facial muscles? I thought it was cos I was autistic but it turned out to be a ddha paperweight
Ok we are up to D2 now but we are still swaying back and forth a little so S3. This the serontinin binding is happening now - that takes longer than dopamine which is just like boomph.
Yeah I like this experiment. And I feel like the data is valid.
I am not going to look up anything.
I don’t do that. It puts a filter on things and I become unable to feel them properly. Probably something to do with being locked in all these years, as I’m going to call it.
Maybe this is why adhd folks have a tendency to feel trapped.
Ok to so now I’m getting into a flow I can feel that my cheekbones I need a better word they are just kinda hovering neither raising or lowering and I’m going to tr stopping typng now andj just sitiit and cosing my eyes
Yeah nothing because I’m waiting to come back to this task. I think when this task ends the doamine will flush.
Maybe this is the sand I say I feel with my autistic thought process of sand peeling into funnels. That’s how it feels. But maybe I can feel the dopamine somehow leaving the gland or something.
Wait
I need to check if the gland is there. That I need to check.
Well it’s close enough. Nice. I’ll take that. The VTA seems to have a couple of dooburys popping off which come to the nosey area.
Ok good. We are building the process for the next step.
I guess the next step is going to be some kind of riff on vipassana meditation to get a handle of my new sense data.
I can’t sense sleepinesss or hunger well and that’s a problem. So I and going to teach myself how to, using… fucking ghrelin no way how the fuck would I get that.
Using magic.
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