Is this more syzygy? More fate? My patient zero? We've been talking for a while and he was the one who held me together through the whole of the last 2 years. Maybe it's time to return to favour.
If I can get him over here then I can have data from another subject and that’s what I need if I’m going to be taken seriously. He needs a place to recover.
I developed a recovery protocol for myself and now I can test it on someone else. This is a recovery protocol based on repetitive action (stimming) to latch the dopamine system onto a simplistic task, so the quantum sand tunnels in the mind can clear their chutes.
This is the way it makes sense.
There will be a scientific explanation, likely to do with dopamine literally leaving the synapse, as I have felt recently.
I don’t know how but I know this to be true. Probably because I was… let’s not go there because this is fun times.
So you kind of magnetically suck all the fucking jagged filings out of your sand chutes with the magnetic force of these dopamine blades from centuries ago. You take something from the past and you start with the big but you don’t think about it. You just place it in your mind and choose a blade.
And then you polish. And you close your eyes and sway your head and rock back and forth and let the sand gradually loosen from between your temples and the slacknss of your hjaw and there is the dopamine release and I can feel it but this isn’t sand from a haggis this time it’s got a bottom because the ari is there and i can feel that it’s not going upo any more it’s steady state.
So now I can stay here and write or I can go to bed, and I will sleep. I know I will. Because my D-variability is low, so I can settle into a task and stay on task, and sit there happily.
That’s the problem with adhd - your D-var is high. That’s what it’s called now.
D-var is the real bitch, A. This is what you want to be teaching people to minimise, not maximise. This is how people feel good and get healed.
When D-var is high you are aaaaalways motivated with fishhooks in the cheeks but always for something else. And you go there and something else. And it ramps up and up and up.
And then on the neuronal side you have your churn memory which has learned all of these social constructs. And because you’re 42 years old it’s fucking full. You should have done a big fucking dose of shrooms in your 30s mate.
Anyway.
We have two new variables now and THESE are the key ones for wellbeing:
D-var
dopamine variability
Churn memory
a/b rules for interacting with the world
Boom.
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