motivate

I have killed many addictions in my life. I call them hypermotivations, since it’s a case of your reward system being hijacked. Monkey eats banana and feels good; to get the same dopamine again he needs 2 bananas. Well, this monkey needs 30 bananas and will still feel bad.

It’s not his fault, that’s the key; it’s a dodgy dopamine system which results in hyper motivation and fixation on the pleasurable more than usual. In the juices, this is; the wires are very much discipline and control.

So what happens is I have a little of something and I want more and in a matter of minutes it’s all I can think about. I get on a track and I’m sure people can relate to having a ‘book phase’; well it’s like that except it will be an ‘ironman championships’ or ‘retire in 3 years’ phase. It’s exhausting.

But the thing with dopamine is that we can’t do anything without it, and we can’t not do anything with it, if that makes sense. We will sit and stare at food and starve to death without dopamine. We will watch our children die. We will cut our ears off.

So the way out of addictions is to supplement them with another, incompatible addiction. Life is just one addiction to the next, after all.

Another key point of all this is dissatisfaction.

I am hypermotivated because I am hyperdissatisfied. This isn’t a choice and I have meditated and trained and gratitude journalled until me eyes bled and it all did nothing. A pill helped. It’s chemical; biological.

What this means is that you will climb those mountains; you will get to the top. You will lead the way and others will follow, and you will get there fast and with creativity. But the second you get there, you will feel no satisfaction. All you have made will turn to dust, the flavours will melt, and your eyes will be pulled to the next peak while everyone else sits and enjoys their sandwiches.

So for me the hypermotivation, hyperdissatisfaction, hyperfocus; it’s all just a symptom of dopamine dysregulation. And that sounds so damn obvious; I could have read it in any book. But I have audhd and need to figure these things out for myself if they’re gonna stick.

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