[2025/06/01, 10:19:34] James: People just can’t possibly hope to understand.

[2025/06/01, 10:20:10] James: The relief, of being able to stop for a coffee. Of realising you’re tired and need 10 min just to stop, let your glycogen get back to your brain, let the spinning too slow down.

[2025/06/01, 10:20:17] James: That ability. In a pill.

[2025/06/01, 10:20:18] James: Anyway.

[2025/06/01, 10:20:28] James: I’m just gonna roll with this.

[2025/06/01, 10:20:45] James: Something is telling me this might be the most important thing I do with my life.

[2025/06/01, 10:21:55] James: Everything I’ve learned over 42 years on a conscious level is telling me this must be wrong and it’s all going to implode. This is another 5 year embarkation with the same destination as always, a turnaround, and back out again with be enlightenment. Climbing the next mountain but never stopping to enjoy the view.

[2025/06/01, 10:22:06] James: It’s like I took that pill and realised the view was everywhere.

[2025/06/01, 10:22:11] James: Looked up from my feet.

[2025/06/01, 10:22:15] James: And saw the world.

[2025/06/01, 10:22:18] James: For the first time.

[2025/06/01, 10:22:29] James: Added 50 points to my IQ.

[2025/06/01, 10:22:39] James: And pharmacologically… the effects shouldn’t fade.

[2025/06/01, 10:22:52] James: There MUST be a reason they don’t use this for ADHD.

[2025/06/01, 10:22:56] James: A valid reason.

[2025/06/01, 10:23:17] James: That’s what ‘logic’ is saying (or is it ADHD panic?)

[2025/06/01, 10:23:35] James: But ‘emotion’ is saying that this is a solution hiding in plain sight

[2025/06/01, 10:23:42] James: (Or is that ASD logic?)

[2025/06/01, 10:24:30] James: (Fucking weird. Maybe what I thought was logic (words) was emotion and emotion (gut) was logic because ADHD was loud and ASD quiet. Ding. Into the black box)

[2025/06/01, 10:35:45] James: ..

[2025/06/01, 10:35:48] James: Anyway yeah.

[2025/06/01, 10:36:07] James: I feel like I’ve found a solution.

[2025/06/01, 10:36:10] James: For me, anyway.

[2025/06/01, 10:36:22] James: Increasing confidence, which is not the usual.

[2025/06/01, 10:36:31] James: I’ve gone through my life feeling insane.

[2025/06/01, 10:36:40] James: Fragmented but high performing personality.

[2025/06/01, 10:36:55] James: Right now… I feel sane.

[2025/06/01, 10:36:58] James: For the first time

[2025/06/01, 10:37:01] James: In my life.

[2025/06/01, 10:37:04] James: Sanity in a pill

[2025/06/01, 10:37:15] James: And to be clear: I didn’t feel particularly insane most of the time.

[2025/06/01, 10:37:20] James: Only when I stopped moving.

[2025/06/01, 10:37:29] James: Now… I’m going to enjoy a coffee.

[2025/06/01, 10:37:37] James: I’ve just offloaded the process from my memory.

[2025/06/01, 10:37:42] James: I will do some DIY.

[2025/06/01, 10:38:07] James: And then I might have more. Probably not. I’ll be off to pick up my mum from the airport.

[2025/06/01, 10:38:42] James: And it all feels effortless.

[2025/06/01, 10:38:48] James: And maybe I can share this with others.

[2025/06/01, 10:38:54] James: I can definitely share it with my family.

[2025/06/01, 10:39:12] James: Happiness and sanity and feeling like a real boy, all in a pill.

[2025/06/01, 10:39:17] James: That isn’t prescribed for ADHD.

[2025/06/01, 10:39:22] James: …

[2025/06/01, 10:40:38] James: So my decision making process, maybe as someone with undiagnosed ADHD.

[2025/06/01, 10:40:45] James: Is about consequence and irreversibility.

[2025/06/01, 10:40:53] James: Not likelihood.

[2025/06/01, 10:41:30] James: In this case:

•  what is the consequence if I am wrong?

•  what is the consequence if I am right?

[2025/06/01, 10:41:52] James: So I’ve decided to go on shouting.

[2025/06/01, 10:47:46] James: If it’s the wrong solution for you, I am genuinely sorry.

[2025/06/01, 10:47:47] James: Really.

[2025/06/01, 10:47:54] James: The difference…

[2025/06/01, 10:47:59] James: When I started aripiprazole…

[2025/06/01, 10:48:15] James: I am … I don’t even know if I could see the point in living in a world without it.

[2025/06/01, 10:48:26] James: That’s how serious the dysfunction was, in hindsight.

[2025/06/01, 10:48:36] James: So if it doesn’t work for you I’m sorry

[2025/06/01, 10:48:55] James: But ADHD definitions are changing. As are ASD. The food pyramid is hopefully crumbling.

[2025/06/01, 10:49:46] James: On a mechanistic level, for people like me, who I am increasingly confident have leaky synapses so need some form of receptor stimulation.

[2025/06/01, 10:49:49] James: For people like me.

[2025/06/01, 10:50:07] James: It’s life, in a pill.

[2025/06/01, 10:50:11] James: Maybe for others too

[2025/06/01, 10:50:15] James: I certainly hope so.

[2025/06/01, 10:50:22] James: I think I’m a good person

[2025/06/01, 10:50:30] James: I just struggle to present that way sometimes.

[2025/06/01, 10:50:34] James: I’m a fighter

[2025/06/01, 10:50:44] James: Let me fight.

[2025/06/01, 10:51:19] James: I’m fighting for us all.

[2025/06/01, 10:51:44] James: (Now fuck off)