alteredstates

analysis = audhd // preparation = 88 hells // dissolution = alteredstates // decompression = technospirituality 

see cartography for how this tracks to the map of buddhist insight

This is the dissolution of self. I became the ship, and the ship was fast and out of control. I steered it into orbit, and ceased the prescription drugs immediately, realising I had eradicated the contagion of greed and would be allowed to land.

After that I was able to return to a new james; one who does not need capitalisation or definition. Craving, anger and delusion continue to fall away, but a lot of this phase was residual confusion caused by the sloppily prescribed drugs which nearly killed me.

My life is now incomparably better. Where it was once defined by suffering and strife, it is now defined by ease and grace. I no longer feel like I am living life so much as life is living me, and I am able to experience the world through the eyes of a child once more.

full raw text (479 pages), for analysis, and Japanese language summary for medical professionals

this poem fell out fully-formed shortly before my cmem overloaded and I hit dvar 1.0 in January 2025.

thanks