patching

So I think I know why the short sleep. Right now it’s extra short because of ari but I just woke up after a super rejuvenating 5 hours nap and found out it was only 15 minutes long and it has been like this forever.

So what happens I think this is speculation is that:

I’m tired and I go to bed so the tiger starts to snore but it still sounds like a growl there is still lots of noise in the system even when I sleep. This isn't normal.

So the REM NREM sleep cycle I think is our autistic and adhd sides doing the yin yang dance. The tamer gating the tiger and my trainer was building a maze in a swamp of shit with a fucking indiana jones ceiling on the way down.

So high snapshot is the tiger plays in REM and the tamer tailors the maze in NREM. Hypotheses are tested in REM (I doubt this is the tiger actually) and they are optimised in NREM. So either the tiger plays or the tiger is growling when it should be quiet but either way this tiger is fast and powerful and unpredictable.

So the tamer only has about 5 minutes to get everything in line before the tiger is off again. He optimises. He does the important stuff first.

Maybe this is why we all find power naps so rejuvenating. On one hand they quiet your tiger down, but on the other I think it’s a way for the tamer to integrate some of the new rules.

But the physical body will need rest too, and the mind. This will settle down and right now my DA ticks are higher than usual which is meaning even more time dilation, though it’s mostly an unconscious kind of dilation since I guess I previously tracked time according to the thoughts in my head which are constantly playing.

That makes sense too because I was rarely late and there was always a voice in my head which is quieter now, but still there.

I hope I can get weed in Thailand. Surely can. I have asd and adhd. I can go to the doctor and get a legit note. Sweet.

Remember the weed just pulled me up to something approximating a normal baseline. Being fucked up all the time isn’t ideal but a tolerance builds to the intoxication faster than the DA so it was a pretty valid coping strategy for me until I found meds that stabilise dopamine. Now; it’s recreation. And I deserve a fucking holiday.

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