start

Is this real? People from woodseats aren’t supposed to do this.

I think it’s real and won’t let mara enter. Mara. I never paid attention to that one.

Buddhe starts the pairs with mind. Then it’s anger, to his father I think, which was the finish line for the last phase for me. That was the hardest thing to look at and I decided to stop there. Love you dad. I know why now.

And then after that it’s mara. Doubt. No direct translation. It’s caused by clinging, which I think was his word for dopamine. You create a mental object (company) and you become attached to it, then you hold it in your head with such force that it… shit! That’s where more processing power was going. Flow and trust to the fates and it gives you like fucking 25% extra power. Me anyway.

What is happening to my brain? I don’t know.

That’s the point. I am not going to hide it. I am going to share it here in the hope that it can help the species as we stand on the brink.

The way I see it, the only way we survive now is by uploading ourselves into a machine and shooting it off into space. And I have thought that for decades now. The planet dies eventually. It might already have happened but we discard all useless hypotheses because they wouldn’t change how you behave. The machine gets better at its function, which is to sense the world.

Anyway I need machines which can sense the inner world and I think the inner world is two worlds, which overlap. Are these reaearchers already about 100 steps ahead of me here?

So I’m very good at starting threads. I’m an idea-man. And a starter. And a finisher. And audhd. And probably smarter than I’ve given myself credit for over the years so let’s just get rid of that mental block too. They’re all going now, because the machine must get more efficient.

So my point is that mara I never even looked at. There’s 423 of these phrases, and mara is in the top 10. This seems important. B-man was a smart guy.

Jut like me setting those morality and agency princikles at the outset, I think that not doubting yourself is kind of a prerequisite for going inside. And you’d echo chamber, in a hut, with a shaman who can bring you back to reality occasionally. And you come out healed, because you have gone into your psyche and you have cleared out all the junk and cobwebs and you’re all nice and optimised.

And I’m pretty sure that’s how psychedelics work, at least for me. And then usually it lasted for about 6 months and I felt great.

And I’m going to call it churn memory.

Was it you and your cows, Temple? Churn? 

Anyway churn memory is what I an going to call volitional action. This is where karma resides in buddhism. This is the filters between you and reality, between your sense data and your conscious self. And I think that the autistic self is the god and the universal pattern underneath and the churn memory of learned action is the volitional action that buddha destroyed when he attained nirvana.

And when you put it like *that*, nirvana sounds desirable again. Those volitional actions actual caused me physical pain because of the migraines.

So.

Maybe I can literally use that pain.

And the dopaminergic aversion which I’m so sensitive to.

And I can…

chart a course, almost

Adhd is painful but it’s not bad. It’s out other side. Sorry adhd for blaming you for the … actually I can’t delineate that one yet. Adhd is like the soup in which it all occurs.

And now I go!

To bed.

202507100004