[2025/06/03, 5:17:12] James: I so there’s like this little boy with his eyes screwed against the storm. He has a process in front of him which he want to execute to perfection and it’s very important to him.

[2025/06/03, 5:17:37] James: But the storm in the temples is not abating and he needs to screw his eyes against that as well as the noise from the world.

[2025/06/03, 5:18:17] James: All the while trying to focus on this very important process. But all he can do is either glance or grasp. No ease.

[2025/06/03, 5:18:23] James: And it’s so very important.

[2025/06/03, 5:18:28] James: And so very loud.

[2025/06/03, 5:18:35] James: And he’s really trying to finish it.

[2025/06/03, 5:18:43] James: And then someone comes in and …

[2025/06/03, 5:18:48] James: Yeh.

[2025/06/03, 5:18:59] James: No more irritability. Fucking amazing drug.

[2025/06/03, 5:19:21] James: Thoughts still angry but maybe even that will change with time.

[2025/06/03, 5:19:48] James: It’s like the scene in trainspotting where he overdoses with ‘lovely day’ as the soundtrack

[2025/06/03, 5:19:52] James: That’s been my life.

[2025/06/03, 5:19:55] James: I had no idea

[2025/06/03, 5:20:09] James: Now… well. I’m going to flip the metaphor.

[2025/06/03, 5:20:32] James: The music is lovely day. And I’m no longer dying inside.

[2025/06/03, 5:20:45] James: Jesus Christ if I was talking to my wife about this…

[2025/06/03, 5:21:09] James: She’s already going insane with me only mentioning it a few times a day. But this is everything. This is the entire universe.

[2025/06/03, 5:21:18] James: I hoped for a mood lift

[2025/06/03, 5:21:23] James: And I got a fucking life

[2025/06/03, 5:21:29] James: For 620 yen a month.

[2025/06/03, 5:21:31] James: Fuck me.

[2025/06/03, 18:05:03] James: Time cells. I keep coming back to time cells.

[2025/06/03, 18:33:29] James: For some reason I think they are the key to all of this.

[2025/06/03, 18:33:43] James: Time cells and dopamine regularity (not amount)

[2025/06/03, 18:33:50] James: I think the power goes out

[2025/06/03, 18:33:54] James: The record skips.

[2025/06/03, 18:34:13] James: And that’s what causes the disconnect between emotion and thought?

[2025/06/03, 18:34:20] James: Inappropriate emotional responses.

[2025/06/03, 18:34:25] James: So you’re there.

[2025/06/03, 18:34:29] James: Thoughts are in words.

[2025/06/03, 18:34:32] James: Stringing along.

[2025/06/03, 18:34:46] James: They aren’t reliant on the clock. They are a string. Like my brain processes.

[2025/06/03, 18:34:51] James: Holding so far.

[2025/06/03, 18:35:02] James: ABCD doesn’t matter on timing.

[2025/06/03, 18:35:16] James: So then emotions are the hormones.

[2025/06/03, 18:35:23] James: Neurotransmitters whatever

[2025/06/03, 18:35:31] James: Soup

[2025/06/03, 18:35:38] James: The soup relies on the clock.

[2025/06/03, 18:35:48] James: Because it’s shot out of guns every 4 seconds

[2025/06/03, 18:35:56] James: To keep the soup the right composition

[2025/06/03, 18:36:01] James: But your clock misses a beat

[2025/06/03, 18:36:07] James: 3 second. Reset.

[2025/06/03, 18:36:28] James: You look around.

[2025/06/03, 18:36:38] James: What are the expressions on the faces in the moment?

[2025/06/03, 18:36:42] James: Mid-sentence.

[2025/06/03, 18:36:46] James: Are they angry?

[2025/06/03, 18:37:01] James: Farting

[2025/06/03, 18:37:56] James: In all seriousness a fart face would look quite intimidating to brain that’s just reset.

[2025/06/03, 18:38:27] James: Neurotransmitters are release according to the new image (fart/fear)

[2025/06/03, 18:38:35] James: While thoughts go on with love

[2025/06/03, 18:38:40] James: You think ‘what the fuck’

[2025/06/03, 18:38:49] James: On some level. Unconscious.

[2025/06/03, 18:38:55] James: Too fast. Every moment it happens.

[2025/06/03, 18:39:14] James: Every moment. I felt it in the meditation retreat b

[2025/06/03, 18:39:31] James: Thought everyone was like that I guess

[2025/06/03, 18:40:04] James: Before adhd

[2025/06/03, 18:40:10] James: So

[2025/06/03, 18:40:56] James: Fuckers made fruit gums soft

[2025/06/03, 18:40:59] James: Sent them a complaint

[2025/06/03, 18:41:01] James: Anyway

[2025/06/03, 18:41:39] James: Soups fucked. Thoughts not. But next one comes in fast. Too fast to register. In the PFC. But it registers in the amygdala.

[2025/06/03, 18:41:41] James: Yeah

[2025/06/03, 18:41:49] James: Fear

[2025/06/03, 18:41:51] James: RSD

[2025/06/03, 18:42:03] James: Self loathing for inapporate emotions.

[2025/06/03, 18:42:15] James: All because your clock is fucked

[2025/06/03, 18:42:41] James: Because the flow of dopamine drops to 0 instead of staying at 10

[2025/06/03, 18:43:00] James: Feels like a decent thread to follow

[2025/06/03, 18:43:31] James: All of it fixed I think by this med. but let’s see on that front. For now RSD is done with and I’m being fucking rude to people n

[2025/06/03, 18:43:49] James: I don’t want to be but I learned to ride a bicycle and now I’m on a hog

[2025/06/03, 18:43:57] James: But

[2025/06/03, 18:44:13] James: Swearing already down to normal kind of level and dropping effortlessly.