Well that was… probably good in the grand scheme. Like most seemingly bad things in my life. Finding that corpse. The troubles in the UK. They always seem to be the impetus necessary for some kind of good change. Reprogram. Divert.

For me… I now have a blog! They’ll trend again.

And I’m hoping that I have a few kernels of truth and a way to finally cut the ties with my past lives, or maybe even reconcile them with each other. That's what this was about.

I can say ‘sorry Linkedin but you fucking suck you absol…’ nah I’ll stop but that place elicits some kind of slow-little-t-trauma response. Stress response. Whatever. I burned out hard, many times, and kept going back for more. Fucking place.

Productivity though. AI. Built a company recruiting for AI 10 years before it exploded. Back when it was all dreamers. Everyone wanted to save the world and cure cancer.

Well I mentioned a kernel. And I don’t see percentage risk; I look at consequence. My brain goes to extremes. And there’s this med sitting here not being used.

I mean… here’s an extreme: evolution went wrong and our current obsession with productivity is because our synapses are leaking more and more dopamine. Now think about the downstream effects of a potential solution to that. Anyway that’s for another page.

This page is more for the ‘fluffy stuff’. I’ll build a process and meditate on the things that are important to me. For the next month or so I plan to look out of the window, polishing swords, and thinking about things like identity and the human experience, brain chemistry, tech, etc. Lots of variety in this brain. Maybe. I might get bored and go for a bike ride. The whole point is, this is for me after a lifetime for others.

I think that the last 2 years have been me training myself to come out of my mask. I sat and did morning pages, then art, medication… and I think all that was me trying to get through the storm of emotions which is ADHD out of the way so the ‘real me’ could come through. Have the brain in charge instead of the chemicals.

Hypomania started this and I’m now falling into regulation. In the olden days it would have been a religious experience. I’m interested in that interplay.

So why not. Making knives. Taking my time. Let's see what comes to the surface.

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*coming out of a hypomanic phase caused by medication. Stabilised now. I used the phase to start this audhd subpage and stream consciousness to try to deduce how my brain functions.