So - the why of what happened

First off: thank god for my drug use history or things could have gotten dangerous. 

The med will have likely been shelved because of what I think is pharmacologically expected, and it could be managed with better dosing.

Anyway three things:

1 - drug ‘come up’ as it binds to receptors

2 - delayed processing

3 - treatment of ADHD and ASD symptoms

So… muddy waters.

Basically I think this drug was tested 45 years ago and they saw people go a bit mad for a week and thought ‘kids and non verbals can be restrained’ so took the easy route. I think it could be managed with sensible dosing. So I basically douple dropped on my first try.

Anyway this is a powerful drug. It cranked my dopamine and serotonin up, and the acceleration phase for the first 3 days was near identical to coming up from a ‘speedy’ pill. Now that sounds bad, until you remember that ADHD meds are speed and pills are great but anywaaaay.

It’s making the world and my brain quiet. So it’s having the real clinical effect too.

And then it frees up a lifetime of delayed processing from vipassana meditation, all these projects and achievements, etc. All this floods me because of the lower sensory input. I process it and output it.

So… it was all expected, in hindsight.

Now:

1 - the medicine is working on all my ADHD and ASD issues

2 - not quite as much as when I double-dropped and became Elon Musk for a week

Seriously I felt like I could have started a cult if I wanted to, but I'm a terrible manager.. The insights were just… thick and fast. And a lot of them were valid; how my autistic traits play out, etc. A lot of them weren't. I wanted to carve them in stone.

So it was an enlightenment in a way, but it was chemically explainable. Euphoria from the med, a lifetime of delayed processing, and relief from ADHD symptoms. An awakening to the self.

Intense though, and this would need management. Again - titration could fix it.

Thank fuck I double dropped on my 16th birthday. Everything for a reason.

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