So that was textbook mania but with a kernel of truth which might be even riskier. I still think that this med has treated all my ADHD symptoms as well as anhedonia but my baseline has been thrown out.


Anyway I am going to compartmentalise the experience into two: 

1 - the ‘this was mania’ approach (meds page)

2 - the ‘this was an awakening’ approach (thoughts page)


Because objectively it was mania but subjectively it was an awakening and aren’t they all?


The mania could have been dangerous. I’m not joking when I say that I think my drug history helped me. Want to be very cautious with dosing and I’ll be telling my psychiatrist so (remember nobody who can self-report has taken this on-record).


Anyway I was so convinced I was right. I still am! Ha! Extra risky! But.. The med treated everything that ailed me AND made me high for a week or two. So; understandable excitement.


But nobody told me the science didn’t work (because it does work) so I wound up offloading ideas like this, which probably created a feedback loop. It took someone removed from the situation to snap me out of it.


Need concrete prompts to avoid it in the future:

Basically mania is being high, and the high person rarely knows they’re high. Speaking in tongues. Racing thoughts. It’s a religious experience for the person and a confusing mess for everyone else.


So…. Food, sleep, idea quantity. Those are the flags.


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