So I stand up and look back and it’s mostly done, I think. As usual. I need to plug some holes but the bones are there. Next up is a cut phase to clean up the mess, and then maybe another push.


I think I am unpacking the rules of my life to date because of how much aripiprazole has freed up my brain for real processing. The initial euphoria / high triggered things to move forward faster, and emphasised some of my autistic traits, but the processing due to less overload is a real clinical effect.


Anyway now I need to see how things lie. Adhd is coming together; autism will still be there tomorrow. What else do I need?

- Practical tips for communicating

these will be far easier than high-James thought ha!

- Other adhd traits and shite. I’m gonna have to google them because I’m forgetting (and that’s not a pun)


I think I needed to unpack and understand so that I can move forward, and I think I will likely write a blog going on. I have a lot of opinions and many of them are valid, but my wife only has two ears and one brain, and I’m not the only child in the house.


And there’s always that side of me that does want to go into the cloud. I think it’s our only chance to survive as a species, and AI needs to be embraced and steered instead of feared and repelled. That wave is too big; it’s a losing battle. Always has been. Because dopamine, you see. Dominoes.


This might already have happened of course; we’d never know if the simulation resolution was high enough. If a tree falls and nobody hears then was it ever rendered? Probably not, really. Why would it be?


Anyway. Yesterday made it very clear that I’m still recovering. It’ll take months. I used to scramble in the swim of ironman, and just hanging around the start line of a trail run was overwhelming. 


It’s amazing that I functioned for so long, and I feel bad, for everything I put myself through. That first step to see a psychiatrist. Fucking hell it took ages. So many years, decades, thinking I was depressed or bipolar or just a bit shit and it was a neurodevelopmental disorder that could be mostly drugged away…


Anyhow. Identify and then plug holes:

And then have a fucking break. Sprint and rest. Train and recover. Build and cut. It’s the only way I can operate.


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These meds have reined in my comfort zone. I spent so many years pushing it out to the point hwere nothing thrilled or excited me any more. Then the art last year was trying to pull it back in. I just had to put down a computer game because my adrenaline was of the charts and that's unheard of.

Wow just looking back at this site and it's quite a lot to do in a couple of weeks. Still not a plodder...