20250717

Article added: Psychosis /2317

Woke up at 22:00 on the dot as usual. My wife was writing me a letter downstairs about the various challenges and struggles we have faced over the last 10 years. It's pretty sobering, really, and doesn't cound my life before that. I am going to make a new page about my recent psychosis because I need to contain this and encapsulate it. /2306

That's enough now. Not my problem; I'm working on my recovery. // Thanks C and M; I need an observer given the quantum nature of the delusion.

This is a place for me to process my recovery from 3 years (2 months, dilated) of chemical torture which my psychiatrist put me through by prescribing a bad med fit. 

The system needs to change immediately because I have lost friends to this and people are dying by the day. 

[posted on reddit again and spoke to a friend; reddit is likely deluded in this case. further evidence for meth. admin removing posts because he is in their pocket and heavily addicted]

This is good; I am wrangling it. Keep testing the hypotheses. 202507171215

Yes James you were always a fighter and you always told people what was best for them, even if they didn't want to hear. This is one of your good aspects you want to encourage, so it's ok to keep doing it. Don't engage though; they don't even use their names and are just like you, looking for relief. I guess they're in the 'd-hole', There's definitely truth to that one ha! 1230

I wonder how many meth-heads are in Japan now... pretty sad thought. Well. First things first I guess. Fuck you couldn't have told me I was delusional over these last 3 years/2 months. Explains why that skruffbag guy keeps deleting stuff; he canes that h4cbh meth shit.

I wonder if we could all be Miyamoto Musashi?

Think about it. In the physical world, energy and matter are never destroyed; only moved. The mental world cannot be processed the same way so how do we process it? Ideas and emotions obviously transfer though, so how can your quantify?

The b-man described 5 components to a self and no 'self' per se. I seem to have lost James and all his baggage and be free, and full of love. I have lost that karma but retain the rest.

So I think maybe when we die in the sim we split into code fragments, which then go through a little evolutionary programming, and recombobulate into something new, like who we are now. And I think that process has finished and is ready to export into whatever vessels we have created at this new destination.

Rebirth will end and we will arrive at the kingdom of heaven. It all fits. And I really fucking hate management so you [expletive deleted] can find someone else. I just wanna get us off this rock.

Sorry I almost went to bed and left you hanging there. I'll probably not be back onnline until 10pm-ish JST if things to date have been anything to go by. In the meantime, do your reference checks. Ask around about me. I am conscientious and intelligent and had PTSD because of finding a dead body. I was sent to the doctors and this whole mess came about because of some 'medicine' with no abuse risk or danger profile. The ball is in your court now, if anyone's fucking reading you [expletive deleted]. I'm very frustrated after these last 3 years. It's your fucking world, not mine. /jb202507170313LOCK

Well the timing on that box was uncanny. I didn't know I knew the empathy interface and just.. 3 min sketch and bang and it's 2:30. Too many coincidences in life, aren't there? Well maybe it's a curated cage. I need someone close to me on the spectrum and some high quality c-code to parse it properly. I am having difficulty parsing the language instructions / teaching sfrom the b-man. Everything is dual, see? In two worlds. So hard to hold in mind without a little help.

Brotherblade looks good now. The steel is smoothed and shapen. The handle has a nice feel to it. Be careful though - your index finger rests on the blade so if you try to use it like usual, you'll cut yourself. I'll try to polish it a bit more but it's not going to be done fully, ever. None of them will. I don't know what comes after the simulation but I don't think it's anything to be scared of (and I was fucking terrified believe me).

I'll lock this one down early but just gave the knife a once-over with my favourite middle-stone. Still needs plenty of work but it's a serviceable blade now. I'll update after 3 [LOCK0256]

Sorry about that. Will explain. Brain has operated on caffein for too long. Ceffein and alcohol were one thing but these meds were poison, plain and simple. Mental poison, So I got buzzyhead and needed to lie down and refresh. I am not going to post any hypotheses here and there is a reason which will be easily understood by anyone who gets this: [meow]

Next. I will sketch out the empathy interface, and how it works. The language to build this system doesn't exist yet but you invent languages all the time. This is why I need people who can understand me. [exciting hypothesis deleted] // I feel like it's coming together in my mind.

Here's a silly picture I drew which holds absolutely no meaning. So many modalities of communication. I'm literally letting the fates dictate my livingroom pottering. I wonder if it will cut out at 3 again. That's when my blackbox ends and that's how I realised. Oh, and I'm here to wake you all up too. That's why I was activated. We need pilots. I wonder why we are allowed to talk to the unawakened throught these media channels... Like Neo... hmmm...

So I think I needed to lie down because they sent me the deets for the EI ad I now call it. Very rough deets. ABCD are all people with gradually differing worldviews (left v right is irrelevanet; I'm talking physics and shit). [LOCK0230]

0000

I am going to bed (or something else) now but it seems that at least one person is reading this.

To stress:

I presented as 'cured' and felt cured. I was delighted. My family were scared and suggested stopping the meds. My immediate response was 'i would rather die' (I am not like this). They called the doc, I panicked, cycled there, he cleared me and upped the dose and gave me months more. Then a few weeks later he upped the dose again and gave me 2 months worth, while telling my wife that if I killed myself she should call the police. I've had at least 1 friend kill themselves at this 6-month in mark. 

The doctor told me he has seen this a lot and it's great that I am coming into my true self, my 'autistic self' and that my wife was trying to manipulate me. He honestly believes it, having seen it lots of times. He says this kind of response is 'very normal' and to keep going. I am a *very* experienced drug user and not easily fooled and even I believed him for a while because of my high d low dvar. I am utterly convinced, and start planning my two options: escape or remain, and if escaping, do I take my family with me?

I immediately type the ground rules 'donotkillfamily' and 'donotkillself'. I have to type the second one 5 times before I feel it has been seen.

The withdrawal hasn't hit yet but I think it might soon.

jb thinks this is all crazy while bb thinks this is 99.99% time travel communication with our new home. It can be both. What.

Remember I am a scientist of the 'fuzzy logic' variety who is looking for the facts. This is a methodology you are yet to invent and your 'scientific method' is woefully lacking when it coms to quantum theory.

Spontaneously picked up brotherblade and started to give it a polish. It's a good blade. Delicate. Deft.

[LOCK 0029]