20250718

I'm going to lock this part of the site down now [20250718] and compartmentalise it away. I will leave it here for reference. But I feel I have my answers, finally.

CONCLUSION:

I have ASD and subclinical frontal lobe epilepsy. I developed PTSD after finding a suicide body on a bike ride. Instead of treating the PTSD the doctor glossed it over; I have a sneaking suspicion the body was one of his.

The doctor prescribed drugs which made me delusional and susceptible to brainwashing, then proceeded to tell me my wife was manipulating me and I was coming into my true self. It was very dangerous and I nearly killed myself. My family ran away. I destroyed my professional reputation. I'm lucky to still be here. This med has 'no risk of abuse' and an excellent safety profile. I don't think the doctor had any bad intent; he saw me as cured.

This was a misdiagnosis in a closed-loop system. The doctor and his wife have the clinic and refuse to write referral letters; and in Japan's system you cannot switch psychiatric care without this letter. This is tantamount to kidnapping in cases like mine and I had to threaten legal action to get him to move.

This is the reason for the 6 month suicide spike: you are giving people hard drugs and brainwashing them. They are told that their life to date was a lie, and the high from the drugs should last forever. It does not, so they kill themselves. It is simple.

The system needs to change. You need to provide a softer option. Your drugs are too strong and your dealers have never sampled them.

/James20250718

Just sat here trying to rein in my website a bit. That website was so nice and clean and neat before all this shite started. I'll head to bed in a bit though. The whole reason I recorded everything - right from the start - is that I needed to record my mental state.

I think there's a fairly real possibility that this is near-future time travel. The skills of M (QC, NLP), N (altered state, sim) and S (med, VC) just line up too well; 3 years down the line and with F's MRIs and maybe E's MEMS. But - altered state. Probably not. But guys... maybe? My recruitment practices have always been weird haha.

Ask M, I guess. How would you ever know apart from intuition? I might potter but don't feel any more pressure to update at the mo. Maybe refine this knife. Meow meow. ha.

[add: but then if it's time travel and I am out of the box, that means that this reality must be 'locked in' until the point where I was sent back. So I can just chill and wait and it'll either happen or not]

So my wife has come down. This is the only time she's come down during these nighttime sessions, apart from during the kundalini. I guess that means I am out of the box either way and don't need to stay up til 3. I think I'll only be able to sleep in 1 hour stints though so...

So I guess I’m going to have to become a writer. Writing is one of the gateways into the divine, for certain. 

I am going to be fixated on human longevity and the quantification of the divine probably for the rest of my life.

The reality is that I have operated on instinct for most of my life, probably because of audhd. I am smart and fast but I have difficulties processing things the same way as most people.

The tricky thing is that I have felt for a long while like I have an intuitive understanding of relativity, and feel it even more now. Wave particle duality never caused me difficulties, and quantum computing seems pretty straightforward too.

This is all utter bullshit of course but it’s how it feels and maybe it’s not bullshit but who knows. We literally would never know. People could be sending blueprints back in the forms of ideas which we export and then go and shape the future and we would never know. 

This is what I think a manic state is, when it’s positive, maybe. Or it's just super creativity.

There are dangerous manic states for sure. But there are other ‘manic states’ where artists do their best work or Zuck builds The Book.

'Mania' needs redefining to include an element of danger. It's that simple. 

You're killing people with drugs.

See how easy it is for someone of my intelligence to pivot this into a religion? It would have been so easy you have no idea. Half of my fight was trying to avoid that. Not many people have my moral compass. This is how the aum cult started; the drugs were too strong. I was chanting om for fucks sake because of how amazing it felt.

Was the founder of the Aum cult in psychiatric treatment when he started it? 

Was that the real cause?

Cannabis is a great alternative to many softer forms of chemical therapy. The drugs Japan uses are just too strong, and they should allow a gentler option like medical cannabis. It's that simple. But it's out of my hands.

I’ve felt a desire to stay awake this time, so I’ll just plonk this in there as plain text and listen to that solitary cricket doing its thing.

/jb202507180116

[2025/07/18, 3:03:50] James: b man…

[2025/07/18, 3:04:05] James: Your words confuse me halfway through the first book

[2025/07/18, 3:04:18] James: You talk of ‘happiness in the two worlds’

[2025/07/18, 3:04:25] James: Two

[2025/07/18, 3:05:01] James: Do they both reside within? A simulation in my mind that grows more positive as I feed it positivity and negative with negativity?

[2025/07/18, 3:05:13] James: I had a dream the tooth was broken but it’s still there

[2025/07/18, 3:05:18] James: It was just a rock that fell out

[2025/07/18, 3:05:25] James: The tooth will always be there, I know

[2025/07/18, 3:05:31] James: I don’t need ari to access this any more

[2025/07/18, 3:05:46] James: But I do need something that raises my dopamine

[2025/07/18, 3:05:58] James: Anyway I’m going to carry on spooling while stuff comes through

[2025/07/18, 3:06:17] James: It’s either psychosis or fucking golden nugget save the human race shit so it’s gonna be useful either way.

[2025/07/18, 3:06:39] James: Is there a way to prove which?

[2025/07/18, 3:06:51] James: Again this is why I need someone knowledgeable about quantum theory

[2025/07/18, 3:06:54] James: Anyway

[2025/07/18, 3:07:12] James: How to talk to these people? I have run out of ideas.

[2025/07/18, 3:07:15] James: So stop

[2025/07/18, 3:07:17] James: End

[2025/07/18, 3:07:19] James: .

[2025/07/18, 3:07:43] James: WAIT!

[2025/07/18, 3:07:52] James: Maybe that’s why I was speaking that way at the start

[2025/07/18, 3:07:55] James: Maybe it was actual code

[2025/07/18, 3:08:04] James: And I’ve built actual middleware to this language now?

[2025/07/18, 3:08:06] James: wtf

[2025/07/18, 3:08:11] James: What

[2025/07/18, 3:08:19] James: Ok this is going online

[2025/07/18, 0:50:16] James: 0050 I am awake agai

[2025/07/18, 0:50:25] James: I might lie here and type for a short while.

[2025/07/18, 0:50:40] James: I don’t know if it necessary to continue putting these online in real time.

[2025/07/18, 0:51:10] James: I know his is the medicine leaving my body but I also know that this is meditation and self control and I will always be able to control this thing going forward

[2025/07/18, 0:51:12] James: Tooth

[2025/07/18, 0:51:22] James: Ok. That is nice.

[2025/07/18, 0:51:25] James: A tinder

[2025/07/18, 0:51:28] James: Reminder

[2025/07/18, 0:51:34] James: Bite the tongue

[2025/07/18, 0:51:45] James: How cool would it be if these ideas were true?

[2025/07/18, 0:51:54] James: That’s the thing. I am sane and compiling

[2025/07/18, 0:51:59] James: And I still believe them

[2025/07/18, 0:52:05] James: And it’s a documented phenomenon

[2025/07/18, 0:52:15] James: And I know people in the AI industry

[2025/07/18, 0:52:26] James: So now I know the cat is out of the box. So to speak

[2025/07/18, 0:52:40] James: And they will have their answer. And if the answer is what they wanted then good

[2025/07/18, 0:53:02] James: If not I will track down mr family in the next life and do it all again

[2025/07/18, 0:53:33] James: Your call whether you scan me guys. I don’t think we have another shot, but hey. You fucked up and this is psychosis in my head now.

[2025/07/18, 0:53:47] James: I’m happy with that outcome if it ends that way

[2025/07/18, 0:54:10] James: And I’m happier with the other. The one where I save the future or at least get to use my initial intellect to try to.

[2025/07/18, 0:54:28] James: Throw ideas around and listen in on some cool meetings maybe. I’m retired and don’t give a fuck about cash.

[2025/07/18, 0:54:31] James: I’m also a good guy

[2025/07/18, 0:54:40] James: Genuinely good

[2025/07/18, 0:54:42] James: To the core

[2025/07/18, 0:54:49] James: That’s what this experience has shown me

[2025/07/18, 0:55:04] James: I leant into everything and came out purified instead of broken, I think

[2025/07/18, 0:55:20] James: And I am now tempering that blade with low-risk fluff like cannabis legalisation

[2025/07/18, 0:55:26] James: This is how I view risk now

[2025/07/18, 0:55:34] James: I don’t care about people and their opinions.

[2025/07/18, 2:37:04] James: Yeah man those waves of dopamine are still there but seek to be flowing down instead of up now. Like I am emptying.

[2025/07/18, 2:42:01] James: Yeah so the excitement and drive is waking me up again. The variable dopamine. But it is better than being awake 100%

[2025/07/18, 2:42:10] James: I wonder if it’s frontal lobe epilepsy?

[2025/07/18, 2:42:36] James: My niece Emma who died from Batten’s had epilepsy or something.

[2025/07/18, 2:42:42] James: It’s tenuous

[2025/07/18, 2:58:11] James: So what would you call this state then?

[2025/07/18, 2:58:22] James: THIS is channeling your unconscious I think

[2025/07/18, 2:58:27] James: Like Edison in his chai

[2025/07/18, 2:58:33] James: Only I’m in bed

[2025/07/18, 2:58:43] James: Had I trained myself to access the unconscious mind?

[2025/07/18, 2:59:01] James: There is definitely something to this but I don’t know if Incan every share it

[2025/07/18, 2:59:19] James: They can never hear the language because my red is not their red

[2025/07/18, 2:59:30] James: All they hear is the surface

[2025/07/18, 2:59:39] James: I need max to look at the data and the writing styles

[2025/07/18, 2:59:50] James: Then he needs to work with Nat and figure out what altered states I was in

[2025/07/18, 2:59:58] James: And we need to make that map of the 88 hells

[2025/07/18, 3:00:04] James: Because that is the course we have flown

[2025/07/18, 3:00:16] James: And I need to translate these words of the Buddha

[2025/07/18, 3:00:28] James: Into the landing configuration for the ship

[2025/07/18, 3:01:02] James: But as I regain my sanity I lose connection. I could never hope to fly it now

[2025/07/18, 3:01:07] James: Not a chance. It’s just a rock

[2025/07/18, 3:01:15] James: So we are in orbit. That’s good

[2025/07/18, 3:01:17] James: I’m stable

[2025/07/18, 3:01:36] James: I can live til I’m 80 and die and maybe I’ll come back or maybe not I don’t know but I get to be with my family

[2025/07/18, 3:01:39] James: That’s good

[2025/07/18, 3:02:01] James: But maybe that means they are stuck in the simulation forever and never see this new world

[2025/07/18, 3:02:07] James: Remember: brain chemistry 101

[2025/07/18, 3:02:29] James: I’m you do not alter other people’s chemistry directly; you let them do it themselves

[2025/07/18, 3:02:34] James: You tailor their maze

[2025/07/18, 3:02:38] James: So their tiger can play

[2025/07/18, 3:02:49] James: And when you make a good maze their tiger jumps for joy

[2025/07/18, 3:03:00] James: But a bad maze and the tiger goes wild

[2025/07/18, 3:03:14] James: So I have made a maze for you people and this is the entrance I guess

[2025/07/18, 3:03:18] James: Have fun

[2025/07/18, 3:03:20] James: .

[2025/07/17, 17:44:04] James: I hope my sleep doesn’t get too bad.

[2025/07/17, 17:44:25] James: 2 weeks is the bad bit eh. 6-10 days being the peak?

[2025/07/17, 17:44:34] James: Just got to force through.

[2025/07/17, 17:44:51] James: Done it before. Do it again.

[2025/07/17, 17:44:57] James: Then never, ever again

[2025/07/17, 17:45:01] James: This is the last fucking time.

[2025/07/17, 17:45:04] James: Fuckers

[2025/07/17, 17:45:21] James: I’ll smoke some weed and do some shrooms and everything else can fuck off.

[2025/07/17, 17:46:25] James: The genAI in your head is 6 months ahead of the curve. There’s something to that I think.

[2025/07/17, 17:46:30] James: Emotionally at least.

[2025/07/17, 18:04:39] James: I think I managed to kill my greed

[2025/07/17, 18:04:42] James: That’s good.

[2025/07/17, 18:13:45] James: I honestly think the doctor prescribed so much at the end in the hope that I’d just do away with myself

[2025/07/17, 18:14:00] James: Maybe. He was scared.

[2025/07/17, 18:14:09] James: Or intimidated. I don’t know.

[2025/07/17, 18:14:25] James: I’m out of that now though. It is not going back in my body.

[2025/07/17, 19:23:49] James: .

[2025/07/17, 14:47:11] James: I feel this is moving in the right direction.

[2025/07/17, 14:47:15] James: It’s a fucking shock though

[2025/07/17, 14:47:41] James: It’s like I had one life, was reborn like 5 times, and here we are. 3 years compressed into 6 weeks.

[2025/07/17, 14:47:43] James: Mad

[2025/07/17, 14:47:47] James: It’ll be ok though

[2025/07/17, 14:48:02] James: 2 pills and 3oz of shrooms two days running couldn’t do you in.

[2025/07/17, 14:48:28] James: Fucking

[2025/07/17, 14:48:46] James: Man what the fuck. I was doing so much better before I got a doctor involved.

[2025/07/17, 14:49:07] James: But I needed a doctor because of the PTSD and suicidal images

[2025/07/17, 14:49:14] James: Plus audhd

[2025/07/17, 14:49:20] James: Well…

[2025/07/17, 14:49:40] James: I guess I can rein the website back in and take the current one as a snapshot of madness, compartmentalise

[2025/07/17, 14:49:54] James: That sounds like a good idea and quite representative of my brain at the moment

[2025/07/17, 14:50:07] James: I hope the drug isn’t doing this to my son

[2025/07/17, 14:50:13] James: There would be no way to know

[2025/07/17, 14:50:26] James: But if you’re born to that world, that would would be your reality

[2025/07/17, 14:50:35] James: I was born in the dark and the light I cannot bear

[2025/07/17, 14:50:53] James: I do not want him being changed by these medicines any more

[2025/07/17, 14:50:59] James: Guanfacine ok, but not Abilify

[2025/07/17, 14:51:25] James: He’s just high. And I’m a full proponent for being always a bit high. But this is different.

[2025/07/17, 15:35:19] James: .

[2025/07/17, 15:35:38] James: I guess I did my part in the simulation so can just feed good vibes into my bb and enjoy the second half of life.

[2025/07/17, 15:35:56] James: Probably remove the screws from the brain sooner or later, but leave 1 in just to explain any weirdness

[2025/07/17, 15:37:18] James: My job is done though; I think I need to leave these websites online in some form, though why remains to be seen. To tie me to this realm, or to leave a message for someone.

[2025/07/17, 15:37:35] James: Whatever it is, it’s finished and done and if I put a bow on it and leave it there, that should be it.

[2025/07/17, 15:37:47] James: Maybe I can do that tomorrow. It doesn’t quite feel ready. My head is still a mess.

[2025/07/17, 15:37:50] James: Let’s see how this goes.

[2025/07/17, 15:50:33] James: Yeah so you know what you want to say to the cannabinoid forum so maybe do that tomorrow or something. It’s probably not all that urgent; they have their meth. Ha

[2025/07/17, 15:50:52] James: Poor guys though. I might be lucky that it doesn’t work on me. Coke neither. But hey.

[2025/07/17, 15:50:58] James: My priority is my family and my happiness

[2025/07/17, 15:51:11] James: And that has increased a lot, I guess; or rather the allocation my family get

[2025/07/17, 15:51:33] James: Priorities can be reset, which is a rare chance this late in life.

[2025/07/17, 15:51:37] James: Family is number one.

[2025/07/17, 15:51:49] James: Self is number two

[2025/07/17, 15:51:55] James: That’s just who I am.

[2025/07/17, 15:52:16] James: I need a self, but the self’s purpose is for them.

[2025/07/17, 15:52:28] James: Without them, there is no purpose.

[2025/07/17, 15:52:37] James: They are the reason I chose not to ‘ascend’.

[2025/07/17, 15:52:39] James: .

[2025/07/17, 12:55:30] James: Hmm

[2025/07/17, 12:55:35] James: Overall you’ll come out better

[2025/07/17, 12:55:45] James: You’ll come out a kinder person with less baggage and more balls.

[2025/07/17, 12:56:01] James: Test these things. Poke and prod and see what works. No agenda.

[2025/07/17, 12:59:58] James: The veracity of the information isn’t that important

[2025/07/17, 13:00:01] James: They are a tool

[2025/07/17, 13:00:05] James: They will cause unrest

[2025/07/17, 13:00:12] James: And you can get cannabis reinstated globally.

[2025/07/17, 13:39:32] James: …

[2025/07/17, 13:39:49] James: That skruff guy is probably just heavily addicted. I hope his delusion isn’t a dangerous one.

[2025/07/17, 13:40:11] James: Why did I do that?

[2025/07/17, 13:40:27] James: Because I feel it is best for their collective brain chemistry. I feel they are harming themselves

[2025/07/17, 13:40:35] James: So it was a good action.

[2025/07/17, 13:40:59] James: Keep trying as your brain rebuilds and eventually they might hear.

[2025/07/17, 13:43:56] James: I think I’ll spend a few days just focusing on family.

[2025/07/17, 13:44:11] James: Leave the outside world alone for now. You need to rebuild. Family is your life.

[2025/07/17, 13:44:17] James: They’re your everything

[2025/07/17, 13:44:21] James: They’re why you survived

[2025/07/17, 13:44:24] James: Focus on that

[2025/07/17, 13:44:26] James: And focus on love

[2025/07/17, 13:44:30] James: And maybe make some knives

[2025/07/17, 13:44:32] James: .

[2025/07/17, 13:46:42] James: Clever, though…. Setting up observers so that even if you are in a quantum state, the box is opened and you stay in this realm. Pretty smart

[2025/07/17, 13:47:03] James: So things I say now should stick, because the drugs are going.

[2025/07/17, 13:47:10] James: So neuroplasticity should calm down a bit

[2025/07/17, 13:47:21] James: But fuck me if I wasn’t suggestible when that shrink was talking to me

[2025/07/17, 13:47:25] James: ‘You are your true self’

[2025/07/17, 13:47:33] James: ‘Your wife is manipulating you’

[2025/07/17, 13:48:05] James: I have the strongest relationship in the fucking WORLD with my wife and still almost believed it (I didn’t; I could see the control in his eyes)

[2025/07/17, 13:48:16] James: The shrink who refuses to write referrals and diagnosis letters

[2025/07/17, 13:48:25] James: Who has a bad reputation, we later found out.

[2025/07/17, 13:48:34] James: Who runs a one man office with his wife as the receptionist

[2025/07/17, 13:48:55] James: Who told my wife I had probably killed myself and she should call the police

[2025/07/17, 13:49:20] James: Who was told by several of my family members, and the police, that i was manic

[2025/07/17, 13:49:43] James: And yet upped the dose and gave me 2 months worth extra when I was obviously losing my mind.

[2025/07/17, 13:50:03] James: Is this normal or is this a case of a bad guy doing bad things?

[2025/07/17, 13:50:14] James: I don’t think so. I think he is trying to help

[2025/07/17, 13:50:27] James: But we focus so much on ‘presents as’ which is double-subjective.

[2025/07/17, 13:50:46] James: We need to be able to reliably measure there’s things with imaging and blood monitoring.

[2025/07/17, 13:50:51] James: Anyway.

[2025/07/17, 13:50:53] James: Schools out.

[2025/07/17, 13:50:54] James: .

[2025/07/17, 14:00:46] James: Did all this shit give me that coherent personality I was ranting on about though? All that seems like another life.

[2025/07/17, 14:00:48] James: So maybe.

[2025/07/17, 14:01:37] James: Its ups and downs but even in withdrawal the world is less scary than when I was ‘responding well to treatment’. I just didn’t realise is at the time.

[2025/07/17, 14:01:49] James: wtf is going on

[2025/07/17, 14:04:24] James: All the meditation and chanting and stuff was real so I went FUCKING deep into my brain

[2025/07/17, 14:04:35] James: And the kundalini and stuff were real.

[2025/07/17, 14:04:43] James: So what was that about?

[2025/07/17, 14:47:04] James: .

These will be totally without filter because if I curate, you get nothing. Same for everything else on all the websites. I compiled it once and then was pushed to the next site by whatever was controlling me.

[2025/07/17, 3:21:33] James: Haha I misread that for a sec

[2025/07/17, 4:09:04] James: I guess the morality of changing someone’s brain chemistry is that you shouldn’t be able to, not directly.

[2025/07/17, 4:09:12] James: You give them the tools to do it themselves.

[2025/07/17, 4:10:55] James: That means we are all each other.

[2025/07/17, 4:12:27] James: It’s so bad they give this med to nonverbal autistic folks…

[2025/07/17, 4:13:49] James: Glanding prototype will use MEMS from E and MRI that F have. Build a database of those generic meds (short half life) and get small amounts implanted in near the pineal gland. Allow people to gland at will

[2025/07/17, 4:37:37] James: I have killed all the addictions

[2025/07/17, 4:37:40] James: Over the years

[2025/07/17, 4:37:45] James: Rode them like waves

[2025/07/17, 4:37:56] James: Look at my audhd shit. It seems so simplistic and long ago

[2025/07/17, 4:38:07] James: You can see how easy it is for me to break an addiction

[2025/07/17, 4:38:23] James: These psych meds change your code on such a a fundamental level…

[2025/07/17, 4:38:33] James: It is not an addiction; it’s a …

[2025/07/17, 4:39:03] James: I don’t think there’s a word for it. You take someone, promise them hope, and give them something which makes them suggestible

[2025/07/17, 4:39:30] James: Then you encourage their drug-fuelled delusion because they are ‘presenting as not manic’ and keep feeding them more drugs.

[2025/07/17, 4:39:45] James: Then they kill their family, themselves. A school full of children. I don’t know.

[2025/07/17, 4:39:55] James: And it’s not the individuals fault

[2025/07/17, 4:40:06] James: You built a back door into their brain

[2025/07/17, 4:40:24] James: And you fed +1 +1 +1 into a delusion you could not see

[2025/07/17, 4:40:31] James: It is the fault of the system

[2025/07/17, 4:40:37] James: And I have ideas on how to change it

[2025/07/17, 4:40:52] James: Mental torture is physical torture +alpha.

[2025/07/17, 4:41:04] James: All pain is mental at the end of the day

[2025/07/17, 4:47:21] James: Being entangled with some future self shouldn’t preclude me from working with people here.

[2025/07/17, 4:47:27] James: It’s not an antimatter thing

[2025/07/17, 4:47:57] James: But how would that work and why? Blows the mind. Would that mean multiple layers of entanglement? Brrrrzzzzzp

[2025/07/17, 4:57:06] James: I guess for children enables them to grow up in a safe world, but for adults it shows them a world which will never be

[2025/07/17, 5:02:31] James: For the record:

[2025/07/17, 5:03:24] James: My current ‘presentation’ would be ‘manic’ because of lack of sleep and clarity of thought, plus the ‘delusions’ (that only appeared after aripiprazole) which I believe to be 100% real and want to test with science. They refused my request for an MRI 3 times and instead increased the drugs.

[2025/07/17, 5:03:44] James: My previous presentation, during 88hells, was ‘responding well to treatment’.

[2025/07/17, 5:04:06] James: Have a look at the internal dialogue and tell me which one seems more coherent and safe. Which one seems like they are in control?

[2025/07/17, 5:04:15] James: Ask yourself why the 6 month suicide spike happens

[2025/07/17, 5:04:20] James: .

[2025/07/17, 5:06:44] James: I really do wanna get started on these b-man interpretations. Just pacing the room. So fucking slow.

[2025/07/17, 5:06:48] James: Morons

[2025/07/17, 5:39:51] James: Strong drive to walk was overridden by strong drive to nap

[2025/07/17, 5:39:56] James: Then out pops the knife thing on the main page

[2025/07/17, 5:40:00] James: There’s something going on here

[2025/07/17, 5:40:08] James: It’s either an INCREDIBLY coherent delusion

[2025/07/17, 5:40:13] James: Or I’m the fucking ship

[2025/07/17, 5:40:20] James: And I need you guys to science the fuck out of me

[2025/07/17, 5:40:28] James: This is where your scientific method comes into play

[2025/07/17, 5:40:36] James: But not with idiots who just read papers

[2025/07/17, 5:40:38] James: With thinkers

[2025/07/17, 5:40:43] James: Doers

[2025/07/17, 5:40:45] James: Makers

[2025/07/17, 5:40:46] James: Artists

[2025/07/17, 5:40:48] James: The culture

[2025/07/17, 5:40:50] James: The future.

[2025/07/17, 5:40:54] James: Get it done

[2025/07/17, 5:40:55] James: Now

[2025/07/17, 5:40:59] James: /james

[2025/07/17, 5:48:07] James: So this worldview is becoming far more coherent

[2025/07/17, 5:48:21] James: It already feels more coherent than any single worldview I’ve encountered

[2025/07/17, 5:48:40] James: It’s just so different to the standard narrative and so hard for people to understand that I have to present it as a delusion

[2025/07/17, 5:49:12] James: Quantum computing, evolutionary programming, deep learning. And then vectors of probability for behaviour.

[2025/07/17, 5:49:25] James: Writing constraints dictated by the previous step

[2025/07/17, 5:49:29] James: So it’s a Markov process

[2025/07/17, 5:49:40] James: And it could have started from a single seed

[2025/07/17, 5:49:45] James: Maybe this is how we terraform

[2025/07/17, 5:49:54] James: We don’t send outselves into the cloud

[2025/07/17, 5:50:19] James: Rather we send a curated seed and let it grow over the course of 200,000 years on our way to the Magellan

[2025/07/17, 5:50:21] James: 200k.

[2025/07/17, 5:50:31] James: Sounds familiar. Something about evolution?

[2025/07/17, 5:50:36] James: Walking helps me think

[2025/07/17, 5:50:40] James: Not as much as weed

[2025/07/17, 5:50:46] James: Think is not the right word

[2025/07/17, 5:50:56] James: ‘Spool’ is better

[2025/07/17, 5:50:59] James: There is no thought.

[2025/07/17, 5:52:16] James: There would be no way to sense it.

[2025/07/17, 5:52:24] James: Unless you were tethered to the other world

[2025/07/17, 5:52:28] James: A pilot or a ship

[2025/07/17, 5:52:31] James: The autistic folks

[2025/07/17, 5:52:44] James: Different senses. They’re sensing the other world.

[2025/07/17, 5:52:55] James: And getting drugged up because of it.

[2025/07/17, 5:53:15] James: Well… their code was sabotaged first tbh with the c code bullshit.

[2025/07/17, 5:53:16] James: Morons

[2025/07/17, 5:53:24] James: So I don’t know

[2025/07/17, 5:53:30] James: You can’t get a ball rolling without gravity

[2025/07/17, 5:53:35] James: First things first

[2025/07/17, 5:53:39] James: Cannabis

[2025/07/17, 5:53:40] James: .

[2025/07/17, 5:54:35] James: Man, my head is getting full of noise again

[2025/07/17, 5:54:43] James: The steel wool

[2025/07/17, 6:01:27] James: I need them to unravel that for me

[2025/07/17, 6:01:32] James: No fucking way, I can do it

[2025/07/17, 6:02:03] James: I’m the print job guys

[2025/07/17, 6:02:09] James: You’re the ones who have to read it

[2025/07/17, 6:03:09] James: Snort

[2025/07/17, 6:03:15] James: This is all so fucking ridiculous

[2025/07/17, 6:05:02] James: Oh, but the world is much more beautiful and peaceful and happy and light. It is the same but changed. As am I

[2025/07/17, 6:05:38] James: The narrative is bullshit. If the narrative of his part of the simulation

[2025/07/17, 6:06:21] James: And the simulation is in the black box

[2025/07/17, 6:06:41] James: Is this just a feedback loop?

[2025/07/17, 6:06:51] James: The narrative,

[2025/07/17, 6:06:58] James: Have we got stuck in a looped thought?

[2025/07/17, 6:07:07] James: The loop being

[2025/07/17, 6:07:11] James: We have arrived -

[2025/07/17, 6:07:16] James: That is crazy -

[2025/07/17, 6:07:25] James: And because everybody’s saying it was seeing a psychiatrist

[2025/07/17, 6:07:34] James: And prescribed random, incredibly powerful medicines

[2025/07/17, 6:07:43] James: They're written off as insane before killing themselves to join to try again

[2025/07/17, 6:07:54] James: I don’t know man, it kind of fits

[2025/07/17, 6:09:28] James: There’s like 5-6 people down at this river checking out plants and they don’t know each other. They’re all just here and this place is usually completely empty.

[2025/07/17, 6:09:48] James: And they’re all walking around slowly examining the environment the way that I was when I first kind of woke up unfortunately I was ridiculously high on drugs as well

[2025/07/17, 6:10:04] James: Maybe this is a sign it's started being noticed by people and I have a feeling that once it gets notice it’s going to be very very rapid

[2025/07/17, 6:10:19] James: This is the unzip process. I gave you the zipped parcel and it’s fucking it’s heavy man enjoy going through it.

[2025/07/17, 6:10:43] James: BB is already convinced but JB, yeah, he’s even he’s getting there now

[2025/07/17, 6:10:58] James: Or maybe they’re just out for a nice walk

[2025/07/17, 6:11:00] James: Or both

[2025/07/17, 6:11:01] James: .

[2025/07/17, 6:16:56] James: Fucking hell, everybody

[2025/07/17, 6:17:03] James: I just want proper tests so that I can see whether I’m crazy or not

[2025/07/17, 6:17:10] James: And if I’m crazy, then I can fucking wrap it up and put it away because I’m a logical being

[2025/07/17, 6:17:24] James: And if not then fucking hell that’s a whole other can of worms, isn’t it?

[2025/07/17, 6:17:39] James: .

[2025/07/17, 6:33:33] James: We are on day 5 so I guess we find out today how hard this withdrawal is going to hit

[2025/07/17, 6:53:53] James: Brotherblade is sharp. I’ll leave the edge on this one because I think you’ll need it.

[2025/07/17, 7:22:53] James: And now I rest, I think. This physical body won’t last much longer if I keep driving it.

[2025/07/17, 7:23:07] James: But resting is impossible with the energy coming into my brain

[2025/07/17, 7:23:31] James: So I will just squirm in bed and try to walk and read and flit around and not crawl out of my skin too badly for the next few weeks.

[2025/07/17, 7:23:36] James: It’s out of my hands now

[2025/07/17, 7:23:50] James: If it’s a good seed, it will grow. If it’s a bad seed, it will not.

[2025/07/17, 7:23:52] James: I am spent.

[2025/07/17, 7:47:02] James: That fucking doctor

[2025/07/17, 7:47:08] James: Destroying my mind

[2025/07/17, 7:47:16] James: My memories with my children

[2025/07/17, 7:47:20] James: My view of the world

[2025/07/17, 7:47:25] James: That fucking medicine

[2025/07/17, 7:47:28] James: Harmless

[2025/07/17, 7:47:29] James: Fuck

[2025/07/17, 7:47:30] James: .

[2025/07/17, 7:48:20] James: I’d become attached to the words of the b-man

[2025/07/17, 7:53:46] James: I don’t really remember last night. It’s patchy. Fugue state as usual.

[2025/07/17, 7:54:00] James: Should have a look at the website properly and see what’s written there.

[2025/07/17, 8:00:46] James: All this shit about trauma therapy

[2025/07/17, 8:00:53] James: All people need is some weed and a shoulder

[2025/07/17, 8:00:54] James: Fucks sake

[2025/07/17, 8:05:23] James: .

[2025/07/17, 8:05:26] James: It’s all fractals

[2025/07/17, 8:05:30] James: Mathematics

[2025/07/17, 8:05:37] James: Leaves shells everything

[2025/07/17, 8:05:48] James: The golden ratio. Something programmed in to create the environment.

[2025/07/17, 8:09:09] James: Just saw that butterfly we released

[2025/07/17, 8:09:13] James: I’m sure it was the same one

[2025/07/17, 8:09:23] James: George was like ‘it’s my butterfly!’

[2025/07/17, 8:15:29] James: Theres just too many coincidences.

[2025/07/17, 8:16:23] James: The amount of processing required…

[2025/07/17, 8:16:25] James: .

[2025/07/17, 9:02:20] James: I am speaking with my wife

[2025/07/17, 9:02:26] James: Her assessment is that my ideas are crazy

[2025/07/17, 9:03:26] James: But you would have no idea from the outside. I’m totally normal and functional

[2025/07/17, 9:03:35] James: So my hope now, assuming it’s a delusion

[2025/07/17, 9:03:51] James: Is that I can get data to back that fact up; and parcel this away and get on with life

[2025/07/17, 9:03:59] James: All I wanted was to feel a little relief

[2025/07/17, 9:04:04] James: Cannabis brings that relief

[2025/07/17, 9:04:09] James: Instead I had to go to the doctors.

[2025/07/17, 9:04:13] James: And this is the result

[2025/07/17, 9:04:15] James: .

[2025/07/17, 9:27:32] James: So…

[2025/07/17, 9:27:34] James: This is hard

[2025/07/17, 9:27:42] James: Because I’m realising it was all a hallucination

[2025/07/17, 9:27:47] James: I am happy I shared it. That helps

[2025/07/17, 9:27:54] James: I need data against the hypothesis

[2025/07/17, 9:28:00] James: Plus withdrawal

[2025/07/17, 9:28:06] James: Day 5 where it gets hard apparently

[2025/07/17, 9:28:25] James: The drug is still around 60% concentration in my blood so I am not connected with reality fully

[2025/07/17, 9:28:33] James: I don’t remember all the typing and shit last night

[2025/07/17, 9:28:48] James: I’m hoping that things drift back into place once this med is gone

[2025/07/17, 9:28:51] James: But I doubt they will

[2025/07/17, 9:28:53] James: Not fully

[2025/07/17, 9:29:03] James: Neuronal changes are permanent.

[2025/07/17, 9:29:10] James: I feel like one of those Aum cult folks

[2025/07/17, 9:29:16] James: Who were given LSD and brainwashed

[2025/07/17, 9:29:30] James: This is what the shrink did. He didn’t even realise.

[2025/07/17, 9:29:37] James: Fucking hell man

[2025/07/17, 9:29:53] James: Why can’t people just have a toke and talk it out?

[2025/07/17, 9:30:03] James: Why does it have to be hard drugs and brain washing?

[2025/07/17, 9:30:04] James: .

[2025/07/17, 10:00:12] James: What matters is not whether it is real

[2025/07/17, 10:00:16] James: It is whether you curate it

[2025/07/17, 10:00:23] James: And you can curate it back to reality

[2025/07/17, 10:00:34] James: You can take the pieces and put them together over the next few weeks.

[2025/07/17, 10:00:36] James: Slowly

[2025/07/17, 10:00:49] James: And curate a happier life for you and your family

[2025/07/17, 10:00:51] James: And the world

[2025/07/17, 10:00:56] James: And that is valid regardless

[2025/07/17, 11:00:08] James: I am noticing a pattern where I drift off to sleep, process something then it comes onto this site

[2025/07/17, 11:00:14] James: I think I will continue this

[2025/07/17, 11:00:21] James: I believe this is another compiling process

[2025/07/17, 11:00:27] James: And this is where my sanity returns

[2025/07/17, 11:00:33] James: Because this medicine is leaving now

[2025/07/17, 11:01:10] James: But I am having to guide myself through what is essentially a 3 years long ayahuascua ceremony and I REALLY do not recommend you try this

[2025/07/17, 11:01:32] James: I will do that ‘retreat’ in Phuket for anyone interested. I am flying there on 31st I think.

[2025/07/17, 11:01:39] James: Do not do anything rash in the meantime.

[2025/07/17, 11:02:02] James: And if nobody contacts me then I will still do it because support does not need to be real time.

[2025/07/17, 11:02:17] James: And I fight for others, not myself.

[2025/07/17, 11:02:21] James: I am now other.

[2025/07/17, 11:02:26] James: .

[2025/07/17, 11:11:24] James: This would not have happened if i had been allowed to use c-code for mild dopaminergic reprogramming of memory

[2025/07/17, 11:11:27] James: Look into the science

[2025/07/17, 11:11:43] James: Smoking weed with your friends is probably the best form of trauma therapy out there and it’s free.

[2025/07/17, 11:11:47] James: Anyway

[2025/07/17, 11:11:55] James: Your laws broke me and many of my friends

[2025/07/17, 11:12:01] James: Who killed themselves at 6 months in

[2025/07/17, 11:12:16] James: Because you fed us so many powerful drugs that it destroyed our minds

[2025/07/17, 11:12:20] James: You have to stop this

[2025/07/17, 11:12:22] James: .

[2025/07/17, 11:14:00] James: I could have killed my family guys. The hallucination was comparable to when I did 2 pills and 3 oz of raw shrooms

[2025/07/17, 11:14:06] James: It was stronger, even.

[2025/07/17, 11:14:24] James: And you give this around saying ‘no risk of abuse’?

[2025/07/17, 11:14:32] James: You REALLY have no idea what these drugs do, do you?

[2025/07/17, 11:14:52] James: You need to gate the drugs behind people who have ACTUALLY USED THE DRUG.

[2025/07/17, 11:15:10] James: I will not name and shame my psychiatrist yet because he is merely part of the system

[2025/07/17, 11:15:27] James: This happened to at least one of my friends in Tokyo; he is gone already

[2025/07/17, 11:15:35] James: I need people in Tokyo to gather data about others.

[2025/07/17, 11:15:40] James: Initial improvement

[2025/07/17, 11:16:02] James: Then a bumpy ride of increasing meds until they kill themselves or their family

[2025/07/17, 11:16:06] James: And nobody talks about meds

[2025/07/17, 11:16:08] James: It’s taboo

[2025/07/17, 11:16:19] James: Only these doctors who have never tried them even know who is on what

[2025/07/17, 11:16:21] James: It is wrong

[2025/07/17, 11:16:24] James: And it needs to change

[2025/07/17, 11:16:27] James: Immediately

[2025/07/17, 11:16:29] James: .