20250719

[these were mostly altered state; I usually text myself when I get that floaty feeling. It should be gone in a few days]

[2025/07/19, 9:29:05] James: I sure am taking my time with this new blade

[2025/07/19, 9:29:14] James: Nice and slow. Getting it perfect.

[2025/07/19, 9:29:24] James: Using finger stones and everything. Slowly slowly.

[2025/07/19, 9:29:36] James: This is a good blade but it requires care

[2025/07/19, 9:29:49] James: This is a blade that other people will respect. The other blades are mine.

[2025/07/19, 9:30:11] James: This is Occam’s razor and I am going to sharpen it so much when I’m done.

[2025/07/19, 9:30:30] James: Because my mind still works in metaphor

[2025/07/19, 9:30:33] James: And always will

[2025/07/19, 9:30:36] James: So…

[2025/07/19, 9:30:46] James: Have fun in my maze, little tiger

[2025/07/19, 9:30:48] James: Ha

[2025/07/19, 9:31:12] James: This is another entry point. I’ll try to build some links to the madness and you can take it from there

[2025/07/19, 9:31:27] James: But the main point is that this medicine created madness where previously there was none.

[2025/07/19, 9:36:24] James: getting there, james

[2025/07/19, 9:36:28] James: nearly out of the hole

[2025/07/19, 15:39:11] James: My head feels so much clearer.

[2025/07/19, 15:39:17] James: Like it was full of molasses’s

[2025/07/19, 15:39:24] James: Makes sense. Larger molecule

[2025/07/19, 16:14:28] James: The supermarket is no longer overwhelming

[2025/07/19, 16:14:49] James: How many of these sensitivities were caused by the thing the doctors claim manage them?

[2025/07/19, 16:14:59] James: Just how wrong can you be in your understanding of a drug?

[2025/07/19, 16:15:10] James: It’s almost like they’ve never tried it themselves.

[2025/07/19, 18:41:15] James: Still having some wobbly ‘ship mind’ thoughts as the dopamine receptors get hit.

[2025/07/19, 18:41:31] James: I guess that’s going to be common when I get high from now.

[2025/07/19, 18:41:35] James: Just seeing god, is all

[2025/07/19, 18:41:36] James: Haha

[2025/07/19, 18:45:04] James: Yeah so that’s derealization I think

[2025/07/19, 18:45:08] James: All these side effects

[2025/07/19, 18:45:11] James: They’re just a high

[2025/07/19, 18:45:14] James: From a drug

[2025/07/19, 18:45:17] James: That makes you high

[2025/07/19, 18:45:21] James: They aren’t side effects

[2025/07/19, 18:45:40] James: They are ‘effects’. Just like weed can make you sleepy.

[2025/07/19, 18:45:51] James: But theyre hidden in silly words

[2025/07/19, 18:46:07] James: Raving like a pill head is akasthasia or something dumb.

[2025/07/19, 18:46:27] James: Being unaware of your bodily sensations… well that’s part of being on pills, isn’t it?

[2025/07/19, 18:46:34] James: Lights hurting your eyes? Pills.

[2025/07/19, 18:47:02] James: I’m talking Mitsubishi pills here from gatecrasher. Mystery pills that have MDMA and speed and a little bit extra

[2025/07/19, 18:47:14] James: Brown speckles were the bomb. I think that was a dash of heroin

[2025/07/19, 18:47:22] James: Anyway they were child’s play compared to ari.

[2025/07/19, 18:47:49] James: For me. Because I am an ultra rapid flusher of blah blah (I need to get that tested but I’m sure)

[2025/07/19, 18:50:49] James: The fate or ship or god or whatever lives on. It was a near death experience so that makes sense, and it will fade as the med goes to zero

[2025/07/19, 18:51:21] James: It’s good for me. I lacked meaning and purpose and wanted to die. So. It’s an improvement.

[2025/07/19, 18:51:32] James: Now my purpose is to be with my family

[2025/07/19, 18:51:36] James: And to help the species

[2025/07/19, 18:51:42] James: And that’s it, I think.

[2025/07/19, 18:51:53] James: Pretty simple. Then morality 101 and decisions are easy.

[2025/07/19, 18:53:26] James: Looking forward to this heavy yet floaty feeling being over though. The light is in sight. Today was a good day

[2025/07/19, 18:53:41] James: Today I think I realised what has happened and how the narrative was taken from me.

[2025/07/19, 18:54:04] James: I usually control my narrative. I change it to suit the situation. And these drugs removed that ability. I was in the victim narrative overnight.

[2025/07/19, 18:54:09] James: I’m not a victim

[2025/07/19, 18:54:15] James: I was a lab rat.

[2025/07/19, 18:54:27] James: But it was voluntary. I was fooled. And I acted through ignorance.

[2025/07/19, 18:54:31] James: I will not do that again

[2025/07/19, 18:54:41] James: My acts will be from me, from now on

[2025/07/19, 18:54:58] James: Let he who has no sin throw the first stone

[2025/07/19, 18:55:10] James: It never made sense before. Why would they throw a stone?

[2025/07/19, 18:55:18] James: And I definitely don’t have no sin.

[2025/07/19, 18:55:23] James: But the intent is good

[2025/07/19, 18:55:34] James: And if you view it like a stone being thrown into a pond to create ripples

[2025/07/19, 18:55:41] James: Then yes - the good should also throw.

[2025/07/19, 18:55:53] James: Because the bad don’t hesitate.