20250722

[2025/07/21, 20:31:32] James: Weird. I had a moment where I couldn’t move just then. I was awake but asleep and my eyes were open and I was aware

[2025/07/21, 20:31:38] James: Sleep paralysis

[2025/07/21, 20:31:55] James: Never had it before, or not that obvious.

[2025/07/21, 20:32:24] James: Felt like I’d been in a car accident and was immobilised in the gurney, but not able to move my eyes properly either

[2025/07/21, 23:43:37] James: I guess nobody could sleep with this running through their mind.

[2025/07/21, 23:43:48] James: It’s coalescing though.

[2025/07/21, 23:44:07] James: Is developers, not autistic people. It’s the whole world, not black and white.

[2025/07/21, 23:44:25] James: The autism narrative was false and was planted there by a system which pathologises individuality.

[2025/07/21, 23:45:02] James: That is gone now. Now it’s just… everyone. That’s why the empathy spectrum.

[2025/07/21, 23:45:39] James: L calling tonight when I’m writing the article and starting to doubt. His experiences, totally independent of mine. That bloke in the video unlocking his cage with artistic expression

[2025/07/21, 23:45:53] James: Just like I did for my box (assisted with drugs and a weird fucking brain)

[2025/07/21, 23:46:11] James: Is this to do with bb and jb.

[2025/07/21, 23:46:32] James: Cognition is in control again, not emotion, but the mind remains unchanged.

[2025/07/21, 23:46:42] James: I think I’ll get a knife and start to refine it.

[2025/07/22, 0:14:36] James: Night

[2025/07/22, 1:02:20] James: Yeah that inner work was real

[2025/07/22, 1:02:38] James: More real than anything I’ve had before.

[2025/07/22, 1:02:44] James: But now life is real too

[2025/07/22, 1:07:54] James: If anything bad was going to happen it would have happened already.

[2025/07/22, 1:08:09] James: I think I was agent smith, not neo.

[2025/07/22, 1:08:34] James: Or rather: agent smith was a QA?

[2025/07/22, 1:30:23] James: I do think about that dead man sometimes.

[2025/07/22, 1:30:28] James: I wonder who's child he was.

[2025/07/22, 1:30:34] James: He still makes me squirm

[2025/07/22, 1:30:48] James: But I am not as angry at him any more. He was sick.

[2025/07/22, 3:32:19] James: I’m getting excited about this again

[2025/07/22, 3:32:23] James: It’s even harder to sleep ha

[2025/07/22, 3:32:40] James: Maybe this is the AI ethics organisation I was planning to build all these years

[2025/07/22, 3:32:59] James: The impossible feat. We saw how ethics went when it was within the system, slave to money.

[2025/07/22, 3:33:14] James: Anyway hope I can get a bit of sleep. I don’t have any more to export right now, maybe.

[2025/07/22, 3:44:59] James: So I’m in a looped thought of excitement which is just like ‘I’m going to help people’

[2025/07/22, 3:45:08] James: This feels good and exciting but is not what I want

[2025/07/22, 3:45:12] James: I will lie here

[2025/07/22, 4:02:48] James: What a loop!

[2025/07/22, 4:03:02] James: A good one

[2025/07/22, 4:03:14] James: Could do with some sleep though.

[2025/07/22, 4:41:02] James: So it happened again last night

[2025/07/22, 4:41:11] James: And I am, I think, free from ari

[2025/07/22, 4:41:18] James: My head isn’t full of slush

[2025/07/22, 4:41:26] James: But it still happened.

[2025/07/22, 4:41:44] James: This was to be expected because of the withdrawal schedule, but I expected it to be more hallucinatory or delusional

[2025/07/22, 4:41:54] James: What came out was actually very coherent

[2025/07/22, 4:42:08] James: I wrote the first two

[2025/07/22, 4:42:20] James: Then someone called me. Someone who I had told to call me when they felt the time was right

[2025/07/22, 4:42:46] James: I rolled with it and talked to him and the time was probably right so after that it was out of my control

[2025/07/22, 4:43:14] James: The rest of the night was spent in the usually sleep/write/polish cycle

[2025/07/22, 4:43:32] James: It was more intense. I think this is because it needed to be done before my family arrive later today.

[2025/07/22, 4:44:20] James: These writings are only semi-conscious, or semi-intentional.

[2025/07/22, 4:44:33] James: I can’t sleep until they are done, but I don’t initiate them; gravity does

[2025/07/22, 4:44:59] James: I gravitate toward something a; a place or a mental state or whatever and my hand floats and I start to write and then it’s just kinda on rails when it goes well

[2025/07/22, 4:45:13] James: Last night wasn’t quite on rails but I need to keep things scientific.

[2025/07/22, 4:45:34] James: The brain just screams ‘this is the answer’ though.

[2025/07/22, 4:46:37] James: I’m going to do my dawnknives now.

[2025/07/22, 4:46:54] James: A complete blade, split in two, which I will give to the couple we bought this house off later today

[2025/07/22, 4:47:04] James: My mind works in metaphor.

[2025/07/22, 4:47:08] James: What does this mean?

[2025/07/22, 4:47:21] James: In a simulation, what could it represent?

[2025/07/22, 4:49:11] James: I think I really do need cannabis to sleep properly though.

[2025/07/22, 4:49:19] James: Full spectrum, unadulterated plant

[2025/07/22, 4:49:28] James: I can’t risk my family to fight for that

[2025/07/22, 4:50:12] James: I wonder if people will misunderstand this iteration too

[2025/07/22, 4:54:20] James: That talk of the ego and super ego. That could be the local sim and global sim…

[2025/07/22, 4:54:31] James: Relativity. astrophysics.

[2025/07/22, 4:54:40] James: These eureka moments like I had.

[2025/07/22, 4:54:49] James: Maybe they all came from the ship

[2025/07/22, 5:08:37] James: In Freud’s model, there is a contagion in the superego and we need to use our egos to remove it.

[2025/07/22, 5:08:45] James: Use our local sims to influence the global sim.

[2025/07/22, 5:11:18] James: Hmm so quantum entanglement would still need information to travel at c it seems.

[2025/07/22, 5:11:58] James: According to ChatGPT. I don’t know how good that info is here. It usually fucks up basic mathematics in my experience. Couldn’t calculate a simple cycling FTP.

[2025/07/22, 5:12:15] James: So I don’t believe it here completely and will not integrate that into the sim yet.

[2025/07/22, 5:12:32] James: But I’ve seen it, so the awareness is there.

[2025/07/22, 5:27:10] James: If I have to relinquish the friendship then so be it. At least the child got to see her dog again.

[2025/07/22, 6:07:17] James: If entangled would that mean that the sim is actually an accurate representation? That way you could just do the same thing in the real and simulated world and it would bypass the limitations of transferring data…?