20250730

[2025/07/30, 4:38:51] James: Do I need to be like this … wrathful force for good?

[2025/07/30, 4:39:07] James: Do I need to drive a blade of justice into the world?

[2025/07/30, 4:39:41] James: My night was filled with dreams where I was erecting these blades of truth

[2025/07/30, 4:39:46] James: Like pillars in the ground

[2025/07/30, 4:39:56] James: About greed and justice and evil and ignorance

[2025/07/30, 4:40:09] James: These shattered blades driven into the ground like gravestones

[2025/07/30, 4:40:17] James: One for the greed in the world.

[2025/07/30, 4:40:20] James: One for the hate.

[2025/07/30, 4:40:23] James: And so on.

[2025/07/30, 4:40:33] James: Each charged with electricity and wrath

[2025/07/30, 4:40:50] James: Like some vengeful god of the Old Testament

[2025/07/30, 4:40:58] James: I don’t really want that

[2025/07/30, 4:41:03] James: I want quiet and peace

[2025/07/30, 4:41:10] James: Will my brain never let me have it?

[2025/07/30, 4:41:23] James: Will it always fight like this?

[2025/07/30, 4:41:44] James: I can hear the birds and the traffic

[2025/07/30, 4:41:57] James: This house is louder than everyone realises

[2025/07/30, 4:42:23] James: This peace that other people are born with

[2025/07/30, 4:42:31] James: Do I have it somewhere too?

[2025/07/30, 4:42:36] James: I thought I did

[2025/07/30, 4:42:41] James: And then yesterday happened

[2025/07/30, 4:42:50] James: And now it feels like it is out of my grasp forever

[2025/07/30, 6:20:21] James: Man I’m tired of this and hope I can achieve some real stability too

[2025/07/30, 6:20:28] James: I’ve worked so hard over my life

[2025/07/30, 6:20:49] James: To think that all my struggles might have been caused by seizures which were out of my control

[2025/07/30, 6:20:59] James: All this time trying to change the movement of the ocean

[2025/07/30, 6:21:20] James: But even when I have a seizure I seem to operate within the confines of my cage

[2025/07/30, 6:21:29] James: I never struggled like this until I found that body

[2025/07/30, 6:21:38] James: And that body put in the contagion of suicide

[2025/07/30, 6:21:49] James: So now the seizures or whatever can have that option of suicide

[2025/07/30, 6:22:00] James: Fucking rotten fruit

[2025/07/30, 6:22:08] James: That man…

[2025/07/30, 6:22:20] James: The harm he has done