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[2025/08/04, 5:30:11] James: Waking up on the beach with my 5 year old

[2025/08/04, 5:30:27] James: Mess tin boiling water. Coffee and cup noodle.

[2025/08/04, 5:30:32] James: This is life

[2025/08/04, 5:30:48] James: All the training and work and respect and baubles

[2025/08/04, 5:30:52] James: That was not

[2025/08/04, 8:13:49] James: .

[2025/08/04, 8:13:52] James: Ha

[2025/08/04, 8:14:20] James: The japantoday comments section is definitely NOT a good nutriment.

[2025/08/04, 11:14:55] James: .

[2025/08/04, 11:15:14] James: No major change from the coffee but I will likely stick to decaf

[2025/08/04, 11:15:22] James: Why get hooked if you’re not already?

[2025/08/04, 11:16:10] James: I have always been able to take it or leave it and never got headaches when stopping despite drinking about 6 double espressos a day

[2025/08/04, 15:00:24] James: .

[2025/08/04, 15:00:30] James: So I was feeling tired and tense

[2025/08/04, 15:00:35] James: 10 min lie down to clear the head

[2025/08/04, 15:00:39] James: This wellbeing feels real

[2025/08/04, 15:00:48] James: I am waking up with positivity instead of dreariness

[2025/08/04, 15:00:53] James: I need to keep the brain clean

[2025/08/04, 15:01:04] James: I will not clog it with caffeine and other things

[2025/08/04, 15:01:22] James: If something doesn’t match, I can compare it to baseline and the craving will drop away

[2025/08/04, 15:01:24] James: In theory

[2025/08/04, 15:01:29] James: I know how craving feels

[2025/08/04, 15:01:33] James: I’m done with that!

[2025/08/04, 15:03:25] James: Although actually that kinda feels like it was a bit of an FLE thing

[2025/08/04, 15:03:37] James: I woke up with total clarity that vanished in a second

[2025/08/04, 15:12:57] James: .

[2025/08/04, 15:13:10] James: So I think I will spend 6 months completely clear of all substances

[2025/08/04, 15:13:23] James: Apart from valproate and other things this real doctor prescribes

[2025/08/04, 15:13:41] James: The trauma of the aripiprazole experience has likely reset my dopamine receptors or something

[2025/08/04, 15:13:48] James: Something has changed, maybe permanently

[2025/08/04, 15:13:56] James: And my system is adapting to this new ‘quiet’

[2025/08/04, 15:14:03] James: I don’t want to risk destabilising it

[2025/08/04, 15:14:20] James: If I’m honest, I feel more wellbeing now making knives than I did while off my head on drugs before

[2025/08/04, 15:14:22] James: Maybe ever

[2025/08/04, 15:14:25] James: That was a buzz

[2025/08/04, 15:14:26] James: A high

[2025/08/04, 15:14:30] James: And a crash afterward

[2025/08/04, 15:14:46] James: But I always felt like I needed it

[2025/08/04, 15:14:53] James: Like something was missing from life

[2025/08/04, 15:15:02] James: And that predated any drugs. I always felt like that

[2025/08/04, 15:15:07] James: I don’t feel like that any more

[2025/08/04, 15:15:19] James: So why would I want to risk getting that way again?

[2025/08/04, 15:15:35] James: Maybe consider it when I hit my 42nd birthday

[2025/08/04, 15:15:43] James: So I got free of it in July

[2025/08/04, 15:15:49] James: And my birthday is October

[2025/08/04, 15:15:54] James: Too soon, probably

[2025/08/04, 15:15:57] James: Maybe year end.

[2025/08/04, 15:16:00] James: Maybe never

[2025/08/04, 15:16:31] James: I feel like the real problem was all the training and work though

[2025/08/04, 15:17:02] James: But I definitely feel lighter without having the will I won’t I debate in my head all the time

[2025/08/04, 15:52:13] James: .

[2025/08/04, 15:52:47] James: If by renouncing a lesser happiness one may realise a greater happiness, let the wise man renounce the lesser, having regard for the greater

[2025/08/04, 15:52:50] James: So simple

[2025/08/04, 15:52:52] James: Thanks b-man