20250809

@skruffbag

[2025/08/09, 8:59:06] James: Yeah I guess that’s why I could see the worsening addiction

[2025/08/09, 8:59:14] James: More erratic social media posts

[2025/08/09, 8:59:20] James: More clinging to the old

[2025/08/09, 8:59:34] James: He needed a slap

[2025/08/09, 8:59:42] James: But you can’t talk to an addict

[2025/08/09, 8:59:53] James: You slap them and walk away and hope they come to their own conclusions

[2025/08/09, 9:00:07] James: Anyway first bike ride since the breakdown

[2025/08/09, 9:00:12] James: A pleasure ride

[2025/08/09, 9:00:17] James: This will be nice

[2025/08/09, 9:02:32] James: I shall go on believing that everyone is good deep down

[2025/08/09, 10:03:30] James: .

[2025/08/09, 10:03:33] James: Well that was nice

[2025/08/09, 10:03:47] James: A lot nicer than when I stared at my garmin holding 320w to the top

[2025/08/09, 10:03:50] James: Fuck that shit

[2025/08/09, 10:03:58] James: I’m out to enjoy the trees and the view

[2025/08/09, 10:04:17] James: I wonder if that photo will copy across to the site

[2025/08/09, 10:04:24] James: Will I become a photo person? Ha

[2025/08/09, 10:04:40] James: Try to sow the seeds of envy?

[2025/08/09, 10:04:42] James: Nah.

[2025/08/09, 10:04:45] James: Delete it

[2025/08/09, 10:04:56] James: The memories are for me

[2025/08/09, 10:05:53] James: Wife’s about to tell that guy who accused me of trying to kill his dog some uncomfortable truths

[2025/08/09, 10:05:56] James: What a cunt

[2025/08/09, 10:06:01] James: Swallowed by his ego

[2025/08/09, 10:06:08] James: Unable to see that he is in the d-hole

[2025/08/09, 10:06:18] James: That’s another valid one

[2025/08/09, 10:06:21] James: The d-hole

[2025/08/09, 10:06:29] James: That’s what I wrote about today with the addiction post

[2025/08/09, 10:06:39] James: And AI is just sucking people further and further in

[2025/08/09, 10:07:05] James: Once you’re deep enough there’s no getting out

[2025/08/09, 10:07:10] James: You’ll become an orangeman

[2025/08/09, 10:07:17] James: Or a hungry ghost

[2025/08/09, 10:07:27] James: The most horrible mode of being there is

[2025/08/09, 10:07:52] James: That guy was so obsessed with money

[2025/08/09, 10:07:59] James: And how he wasn’t obsessed with it

[2025/08/09, 10:08:02] James: Ha

[2025/08/09, 10:08:14] James: Like the drinker who white knuckles it

[2025/08/09, 10:08:22] James: Just making the craving stronger

[2025/08/09, 10:08:35] James: Dopamine is gravity

[2025/08/09, 10:08:40] James: There’s no escaping it

[2025/08/09, 10:08:44] James: You have to look at it

[2025/08/09, 10:08:46] James: And accept it

[2025/08/09, 10:08:59] James: And kind of… bend like a willow

[2025/08/09, 10:09:09] James: You’ll never beat it in a straight fight

[2025/08/09, 10:50:13] James: .

[2025/08/09, 10:50:17] James: Oh wow

[2025/08/09, 10:50:21] James: That’s really powerful

[2025/08/09, 10:50:37] James: Recognising that any kind of phasic dopamine will feel into addiction and suffering

[2025/08/09, 10:50:50] James: Looped thoughts have been an issue for me for my whole life

[2025/08/09, 10:50:59] James: Getting stuck on some kind of perceived slight

[2025/08/09, 10:51:09] James: I guess it’s attachment to respect?

[2025/08/09, 10:51:13] James: Anyway being able to say

[2025/08/09, 10:51:19] James: This is spiking your phasic dopamine

[2025/08/09, 10:51:25] James: This thought or memory or imagine

[2025/08/09, 10:51:39] James: Being able to see how that will feed into all other suffering in your life

[2025/08/09, 10:51:47] James: Not just then and there but how it increases your dvar

[2025/08/09, 10:52:08] James: Across all domains

[2025/08/09, 10:52:43] James: It’s so easy to drop a line of thought when you view it that way

[2025/08/09, 10:52:57] James: And instead look out the window at the forest

[2025/08/09, 10:52:59] James: And just be

[2025/08/09, 10:53:44] James: I honestly think this is the dhamma that the Buddha talked about

[2025/08/09, 10:53:48] James: But in neuroscience terms

[2025/08/09, 10:54:04] James: Longstanding meditators have been shown to have moderate tonic dopamine

[2025/08/09, 10:54:09] James: And very low phasic dopamine

[2025/08/09, 10:54:13] James: This is equanimity

[2025/08/09, 10:54:17] James: Acceptance

[2025/08/09, 10:54:19] James: Wellbeing

[2025/08/09, 10:54:44] James: It’s not allowing the dvar to build by feeding it with toxic thoughts, behaviours, substances, media

[2025/08/09, 10:55:06] James: So on a biochemical level, aripiprazole did put me into that state

[2025/08/09, 10:55:16] James: Shame it made me insane too, ha!

[2025/08/09, 10:55:35] James: Time to see if I can achieve it without the insanity now.

[2025/08/09, 10:55:46] James: Many people have, and continue to do so.

[2025/08/09, 10:55:56] James: Good old b-man was just a man after all

[2025/08/09, 10:55:59] James: As am I

[2025/08/09, 10:56:12] James: But I no longer crave enlightenment

[2025/08/09, 10:56:20] James: Or crave to be, or to not be

[2025/08/09, 10:56:24] James: Not like I did

[2025/08/09, 10:56:29] James: It’s all relative

[2025/08/09, 10:56:49] James: And it’s so fucking good to not give a shit what people think

[2025/08/09, 10:56:55] James: Like honestly not care

[2025/08/09, 13:00:02] James: .

[2025/08/09, 13:00:04] James: So funny

[2025/08/09, 13:00:12] James: Slandering the name of the great skruffbag

[2025/08/09, 13:00:13] James: Haha

[2025/08/09, 13:00:23] James: I keep cracking up about it

[2025/08/09, 13:00:29] James: I think it’s ok to laugh about

[2025/08/09, 13:00:44] James: Poor guy if his parents christened him that

[2025/08/09, 13:00:53] James: No wonder he’s drug kingpin of japan

[2025/08/09, 13:01:10] James: Hope he stops pushing these dodgier and dodgier substances though

[2025/08/09, 13:01:16] James: Because he is now the pusher

[2025/08/09, 13:01:20] James: Steppenwolf

[2025/08/09, 13:01:24] James: There is no name to slander

[2025/08/09, 13:01:44] James: Maybe back when these were cannabinoids. But his character seemed different back then

[2025/08/09, 13:01:58] James: Anyway hide behind an avatar, little addict

[2025/08/09, 13:02:23] James: Just stop hurting other people with your zeal for the unknown drug of the day

[2025/08/09, 13:02:27] James: Yoroshiku

[2025/08/09, 13:02:29] James: .

[2025/08/09, 13:03:30] James: This is all good practice for when I take on the real big fish

[2025/08/09, 13:03:32] James: Start small

[2025/08/09, 13:03:36] James: One rung at a time

[2025/08/09, 13:03:40] James: Make sure you don’t fight them

[2025/08/09, 13:03:46] James: You beat them with compassion

[2025/08/09, 14:44:12] James: .

[2025/08/09, 14:44:14] James: Ha

[2025/08/09, 14:44:20] James: Wife gave that guy a piece of her mind

[2025/08/09, 14:44:40] James: He was still unable to admit that it was his own negligence that nearly killed his dog

[2025/08/09, 14:44:50] James: 50 years old though; he will never change

[2025/08/09, 14:44:53] James: Good riddance

[2025/08/09, 14:45:01] James: She had to have her say though

[2025/08/09, 14:45:12] James: How he behaved was unacceptable from a teenager never mind an adult

[2025/08/09, 14:45:46] James: I guess he will go and rage against a wall or something

[2025/08/09, 14:45:55] James: It’s a hard cycle to break

[2025/08/09, 14:46:05] James: When you can’t look at your own issues

[2025/08/09, 14:46:17] James: I guess it’s an attachment to a self-image you have curated

[2025/08/09, 14:46:31] James: And then when you do something that doesn’t fit, your self image crumbles

[2025/08/09, 14:46:51] James: So you find someone else to blame as a self defence mechanism

[2025/08/09, 14:47:19] James: Anyway that’s that

[2025/08/09, 14:47:26] James: One less low-quality person in my life

[2025/08/09, 14:47:30] James: Curate the 5

[2025/08/09, 14:47:36] James: Because you’ll become their average

[2025/08/09, 14:47:43] James: It’s a lovely day

[2025/08/09, 14:47:50] James: The smells and sounds

[2025/08/09, 14:47:59] James: Nature and kids playing

[2025/08/09, 14:48:09] James: The slurry from those tomae stones

[2025/08/09, 14:48:20] James: Something else. The blade just glides. It cuts just right

[2025/08/09, 14:48:32] James: Like a 30,000 grit but finer.

[2025/08/09, 14:48:47] James: And that one I got that arrived broken - the one I fixed

[2025/08/09, 14:48:53] James: Maybe my favourite so far

[2025/08/09, 14:49:16] James: To think Mercari wanted to dispose of it as a prerequisite for a refund

[2025/08/09, 14:49:26] James: That company doesn’t live to its vision any more either

[2025/08/09, 14:49:44] James: NFTs and other worthless shit. Aliexpress resellers.

[2025/08/09, 14:49:55] James: This is what always happens when money gets involved though

[2025/08/09, 14:50:00] James: People forget their morals

[2025/08/09, 14:50:05] James: Forget why they are doing it

[2025/08/09, 14:50:13] James: Too easy to quantify

[2025/08/09, 14:50:21] James: The lazy thinker’s proxy for success

[2025/08/09, 17:34:21] James: .

[2025/08/09, 17:34:27] James: I have never known peace like this

[2025/08/09, 17:34:28] James: Never

[2025/08/09, 17:34:41] James: My mind is still exhausted from the experience

[2025/08/09, 17:34:57] James: And that means low executive function and tolerance of external stressors

[2025/08/09, 17:35:02] James: But my internal landscape

[2025/08/09, 17:35:06] James: It has never been so calm

[2025/08/09, 17:35:09] James: Never so collected

[2025/08/09, 17:35:24] James: Even after the meditation retreat

[2025/08/09, 17:35:31] James: That felt like something I had to work to maintain

[2025/08/09, 17:35:38] James: This just feels like… it is

[2025/08/09, 17:35:44] James: It just ‘is’

[2025/08/09, 17:35:53] James: And all I have to do to maintain and even develop it

[2025/08/09, 17:36:03] James: Is to not do dumb shit that spikes phasic dopamine

[2025/08/09, 17:36:08] James: It’s a fucking realisation

[2025/08/09, 17:36:11] James: And enlightenment

[2025/08/09, 17:36:18] James: I am not chemically enlightened any more

[2025/08/09, 17:36:26] James: My brain state is not at that extreme

[2025/08/09, 17:36:30] James: But the sheer realisation

[2025/08/09, 17:36:46] James: Knowing, in my bones how the suffering in life works

[2025/08/09, 17:36:53] James: This is exactly what the Buddha talked about

[2025/08/09, 17:36:55] James: The craving

[2025/08/09, 17:36:58] James: The phasic dopamine

[2025/08/09, 17:37:02] James: It’s fucking exactly the same

[2025/08/09, 17:37:09] James: And the entire world is going the wrong direction

[2025/08/09, 17:37:14] James: I was leading the charge

[2025/08/09, 17:37:20] James: The dhamma has been forgotten

[2025/08/09, 17:37:33] James: But there is a scientific basis for it now

[2025/08/09, 17:37:37] James: You can measure it

[2025/08/09, 17:37:44] James: Quantify it

[2025/08/09, 17:37:51] James: But is there money in it? Ha

[2025/08/09, 17:38:00] James: Money in enlightenment?

[2025/08/09, 17:38:04] James: Sure as fuck there is

[2025/08/09, 17:38:40] James: Better than selling dodgy drugs online

[2025/08/09, 17:38:50] James: Or introducing greedy developers to companies that have lost their way

[2025/08/09, 17:38:54] James: But not yet

[2025/08/09, 17:39:02] James: Let it bed in a bit

[2025/08/09, 17:39:06] James: The tree is just a trunk

[2025/08/09, 17:39:15] James: It needs branches and leaves and then the fruit can grow

[2025/08/09, 17:39:18] James: Easy does it

[2025/08/09, 17:40:56] James: Phwoar this dry curry my wife made is amazing

[2025/08/09, 17:41:01] James: Simple pleasures

[2025/08/09, 17:41:11] James: Impossible to enjoy properly before

[2025/08/09, 17:41:15] James: Always a sense of forcing it

[2025/08/09, 17:41:18] James: Needing a little spice

[2025/08/09, 17:41:20] James: Now…

[2025/08/09, 17:41:26] James: This is life

[2025/08/09, 17:41:34] James: How to explain it to people?

[2025/08/09, 17:41:44] James: I tend to jump too many steps ahead for them to understand

[2025/08/09, 17:41:53] James: Like with that message board

[2025/08/09, 17:42:01] James: People need one step at a time

[2025/08/09, 17:42:05] James: Fucking skip thinking for you

[2025/08/09, 17:42:07] James: Ha

[2025/08/09, 17:42:16] James: Well…

[2025/08/09, 17:42:19] James: Branches first

[2025/08/09, 17:42:56] James: And too much GABA from valproate made me depressed

[2025/08/09, 17:43:01] James: So it’s not just dopamine

[2025/08/09, 17:43:14] James: But let’s look into how that might have affected dopamine signalling too

[2025/08/09, 17:43:23] James: A complete system - change one thing change them all

[2025/08/09, 17:51:27] James: .

[2025/08/09, 17:51:34] James: Yeah; definitely a stream enterer

[2025/08/09, 17:51:40] James: Even if my entrance was drugs

[2025/08/09, 17:51:48] James: Oh and meditation and study of Buddhism too

[2025/08/09, 17:51:50] James: Ha

[2025/08/09, 17:51:52] James: Forgot about that

[2025/08/09, 17:51:58] James: Fucking decades of it

[2025/08/09, 17:52:03] James: Just needed a little help

[2025/08/09, 17:53:45] James: I wonder how replicable it is

[2025/08/09, 18:07:17] James: .

[2025/08/09, 18:07:24] James: Man it’s so nice sat here on the balcony

[2025/08/09, 18:07:31] James: Taking historied pieces of rust

[2025/08/09, 18:07:38] James: And turning them into useful and beautiful tools

[2025/08/09, 18:07:43] James: No rush

[2025/08/09, 18:07:55] James: The smells and the sound and the feel and the reality

[2025/08/09, 18:07:58] James: It’s all here

[2025/08/09, 18:19:01] James: God I love making these knives

[2025/08/09, 18:19:04] James: It can’t be rushed

[2025/08/09, 18:19:10] James: That’s the beauty

[2025/08/09, 19:51:03] James: .

[2025/08/09, 19:51:08] James: Yeah so this is starting to make sense too

[2025/08/09, 19:51:24] James: Altered state was different but now I am naming and shaming intentionally

[2025/08/09, 19:51:34] James: This is why I used my real name when going back onto that board

[2025/08/09, 19:51:49] James: Instead of just using some moniker so I could back out and pretend it wasn’t me

[2025/08/09, 19:51:55] James: If I’m going to be an ethicist

[2025/08/09, 19:51:59] James: Then I need to use real names

[2025/08/09, 19:52:05] James: No fluffy shit. No abstracts

[2025/08/09, 19:52:08] James: Names. Actions.

[2025/08/09, 19:52:25] James: Be specific

[2025/08/09, 19:52:33] James: This is easy prey

[2025/08/09, 19:52:36] James: Good practice

[2025/08/09, 19:52:41] James: The guy doesn’t even use his real name

[2025/08/09, 19:52:52] James: I don’t know if he’s addicted to the drugs or his reputation on that board

[2025/08/09, 19:52:54] James: Probably both

[2025/08/09, 19:53:25] James: But skruffbag (ha!) is operating irresponsibly and actively encouraging thousands of people to use unknown drugs

[2025/08/09, 19:53:30] James: He has no idea what is in there

[2025/08/09, 19:53:44] James: And his consumption has gone from 5% stuff to 35% stuff in 2 months

[2025/08/09, 19:53:48] James: It’s all he can talk about

[2025/08/09, 19:53:54] James: It’s a lot like me on aripiprazole

[2025/08/09, 19:54:11] James: And he shoots down anyone who flags how dangerous these drugs might be

[2025/08/09, 19:54:21] James: Because he is irresponsible and doesn’t realise the impact of his actions

[2025/08/09, 19:54:24] James: I hope he stops now

[2025/08/09, 19:54:43] James: And actually starts collating information on adverse effects, medication interactions, sources of the drugs. Etc

[2025/08/09, 19:54:47] James: That would be responsible

[2025/08/09, 19:54:53] James: Currently he is just pushing unknowns

[2025/08/09, 19:54:58] James: Onto thousands of listeners

[2025/08/09, 19:55:02] James: And if people start dying

[2025/08/09, 19:55:06] James: He will probably regret it

[2025/08/09, 19:55:11] James: Because he is probably a nice guy

[2025/08/09, 19:55:17] James: Most stoners are

[2025/08/09, 19:55:22] James: I’m a stoner

[2025/08/09, 19:55:26] James: I love stoners

[2025/08/09, 19:55:29] James: But that ain’t weed

[2025/08/09, 19:55:35] James: And you need to get a grip, my friend

[2025/08/09, 19:55:38] James: You’re losing the plot

[2025/08/09, 19:55:42] James: Look at your posts

[2025/08/09, 19:55:52] James: Look at how obsessed you are with that single substance

[2025/08/09, 19:55:54] James: That is not weed

[2025/08/09, 19:56:06] James: If you want to carry on consuming, be my guest

[2025/08/09, 19:56:28] James: But if you are running a board called ‘altnoids japan’… you have to recognise that comes with responsibilities

[2025/08/09, 19:56:50] James: Back when it was THCO and stuff we could look up the ingredients online and verify that they were cannabinoids

[2025/08/09, 19:56:51] James: Now…

[2025/08/09, 19:56:54] James: Smoke and mirrors

[2025/08/09, 19:57:02] James: Because the yakuza are in charge

[2025/08/09, 19:57:05] James: Make no mistake

[2025/08/09, 19:57:20] James: They are businessmen who like things like drugs

[2025/08/09, 19:57:29] James: And they don’t care about your health

[2025/08/09, 19:57:39] James: So you are funding organised crime and pushing unknown drugs

[2025/08/09, 19:57:56] James: When you should be collating information about any adverse effects, and trying to figure out where these things come from

[2025/08/09, 19:58:03] James: The days of innocence are over, my friend

[2025/08/09, 19:58:11] James: And if you are going to continue running that Reddit board

[2025/08/09, 19:58:23] James: You had better grow the fuck up and start acting like a responsible adult

[2025/08/09, 19:58:41] James: Because your actions will result in broken minds, broken families, and deaths

[2025/08/09, 19:58:45] James: So yeah

[2025/08/09, 19:58:51] James: I don’t give a fuck if you’ve blocked me

[2025/08/09, 19:58:58] James: But you need to look after your peeps

[2025/08/09, 19:59:05] James: Or you need to give the reins to someone else who can

[2025/08/09, 19:59:08] James: Laterrr

[2025/08/09, 19:59:10] James: .