20250820

[2025/08/20, 7:16:25] James: What a lovely morning

[2025/08/20, 7:16:35] James: This place is so peaceful

[2025/08/20, 7:16:47] James: The birds

[2025/08/20, 7:16:54] James: The sun

[2025/08/20, 7:17:07] James: I should start reprogramming myself again like this

[2025/08/20, 7:17:11] James: I think this really helps

[2025/08/20, 7:17:30] James: As I typed today, you tend to drift through the positive parts of life and only focus on the negative

[2025/08/20, 7:17:50] James: I don’t focus on the negative any more but I am focusing on trying to get this understanding of the dhamma to the world

[2025/08/20, 7:17:52] James: That’s ok

[2025/08/20, 7:17:57] James: That’s a noble pursuit

[2025/08/20, 7:18:13] James: It’s definitely an embodiment of the eightfold path

[2025/08/20, 7:18:31] James: But the real priority for me was being able to be a loving and happy father to my family

[2025/08/20, 7:18:34] James: Like Duncan

[2025/08/20, 7:18:47] James: He has no idea how much of an influence he had on me

[2025/08/20, 7:18:52] James: The change in me

[2025/08/20, 7:18:56] James: He was the archetype

[2025/08/20, 7:19:06] James: Thanks, Duncan, if you ever read this

[2025/08/20, 7:19:16] James: This is amazing though

[2025/08/20, 7:19:20] James: The world is so nice

[2025/08/20, 7:19:24] James: Life is so good

[2025/08/20, 7:19:28] James: I am going to help people

[2025/08/20, 7:19:31] James: To help themselves

[2025/08/20, 7:19:43] James: Without any kind of monetary motivation whatsoever

[2025/08/20, 7:19:48] James: I am going to spread the good karma

[2025/08/20, 7:19:57] James: Starting small. I will help the people around me.

[2025/08/20, 7:20:05] James: Help my family to recover from all this

[2025/08/20, 7:20:15] James: The kids love me more. They can see the change. They can feel it

[2025/08/20, 7:20:26] James: The adults are wary but coming round

[2025/08/20, 7:20:31] James: Because this isn’t in the literature

[2025/08/20, 7:20:33] James: Yet

[2025/08/20, 7:20:36] James: But it will be!

[2025/08/20, 7:20:46] James: I’m not all that bothered about the ship thing

[2025/08/20, 7:21:29] James: That was most likely a metaphor for my self

[2025/08/20, 7:21:38] James: But it could be real; who knows

[2025/08/20, 7:21:53] James: Regardless, that was part of what I saw so I will share it

[2025/08/20, 7:21:59] James: It’ll be entertaining if nothing else

[2025/08/20, 7:22:07] James: And some people might take solace in it

[2025/08/20, 7:22:29] James: Because the message that we have already arrived and already saved our species - that brings hope

[2025/08/20, 7:22:41] James: But also action. Because we need to make it happen for it to have happened.

[2025/08/20, 7:22:44] James: Funny thoughts

[2025/08/20, 7:22:56] James: Let’s just get this dhamma to people

[2025/08/20, 7:23:06] James: The b-man used mysticism

[2025/08/20, 7:23:11] James: The language of the time

[2025/08/20, 7:23:15] James: I never bought into that side

[2025/08/20, 7:23:24] James: But his insights into the human condition are real

[2025/08/20, 7:23:31] James: And I’ve intuited them for myself

[2025/08/20, 7:23:50] James: And I’m sure I can help all these scientists to reap the rewards of religion without needing religion itself

[2025/08/20, 7:23:53] James: So that’s what I’ll do

[2025/08/20, 7:23:58] James: A priest for the priests

[2025/08/20, 7:24:09] James: I always recruited to try to help people

[2025/08/20, 7:24:13] James: It was never about money

[2025/08/20, 7:24:19] James: The money made me feel dirty

[2025/08/20, 7:24:26] James: And now I have a way to really help people

[2025/08/20, 7:24:33] James: Fucking sciencifying enlightenment

[2025/08/20, 7:24:40] James: wtf james

[2025/08/20, 7:24:50] James: How the fuck did you end up here?

[2025/08/20, 7:25:09] James: A life of repressed trauma, I guess. And then weird responses to drugs. And meditation. And love.

[2025/08/20, 7:25:19] James: It will always feel like fate and that’s what it was

[2025/08/20, 7:25:49] James: Keep up the waterhands. And the knives. Maybe head for a morning walk in a bit. Smell the roses. You finally can.

[2025/08/20, 8:13:36] James: .

[2025/08/20, 8:13:52] James: Showed my son a regulation technique of rocking with a meteor yesterday

[2025/08/20, 8:14:16] James: He was in the ‘nnng nnng’ got to move but nothing worth doing mode which I know so well

[2025/08/20, 8:14:38] James: Literally 10 seconds of holding that rock and swaying, and he says he wants to do a workbook then sits down and happily does so

[2025/08/20, 8:14:53] James: My wife tells me that both kids are a lot better today.

[2025/08/20, 8:14:56] James: Especially George

[2025/08/20, 8:15:10] James: And we are told to stop fidgeting and sit still in school

[2025/08/20, 8:15:21] James: There is probably nothing worse we could do as people with spiky dopamine

[2025/08/20, 8:15:26] James: We need to move to regulate

[2025/08/20, 8:18:25] James: .

[2025/08/20, 8:18:46] James: You cracked it eh

[2025/08/20, 8:18:48] James: Ha

[2025/08/20, 8:18:55] James: Who would have thought it was real

[2025/08/20, 8:19:04] James: And achievable

[2025/08/20, 8:19:24] James: With the prerequisites being trauma and possibly dopamine disruption

[2025/08/20, 8:19:34] James: What a crazy idea

[2025/08/20, 8:19:45] James: But it’s not crazy any more

[2025/08/20, 8:19:51] James: It’s real and you know it

[2025/08/20, 8:40:30] James: .

[2025/08/20, 8:40:34] James: So what this is really

[2025/08/20, 8:40:38] James: Is a trauma reset

[2025/08/20, 8:40:52] James: And a reset of what is salient and my understanding of the world

[2025/08/20, 8:40:56] James: A consolidation

[2025/08/20, 8:41:08] James: The word enlightenment is the best fit

[2025/08/20, 8:41:17] James: And the most provocative

[2025/08/20, 8:41:20] James: But that’s what it was

[2025/08/20, 8:41:27] James: In modern terms though, I think …

[2025/08/20, 8:41:32] James: Is there a word?

[2025/08/20, 8:41:40] James: I think we need a new word

[2025/08/20, 8:41:56] James: The global cascade was what I called it

[2025/08/20, 8:42:00] James: But we need a scientific word

[2025/08/20, 8:42:07] James: We can come to that later I guess

[2025/08/20, 11:02:06] James: .

[2025/08/20, 11:02:12] James: What a great morning

[2025/08/20, 11:02:25] James: Luca playing in the park

[2025/08/20, 11:02:34] James: All these kids. All ages. Always here

[2025/08/20, 11:02:40] James: Such a great childhood for them to have

[2025/08/20, 11:02:49] James: This is like the ideal place. And the kids are all so nice.

[2025/08/20, 11:02:53] James: Not a bully amongst them

[2025/08/20, 11:02:59] James: Because trauma feeds trauma

[2025/08/20, 11:03:10] James: ADHD runs in families sure but it’s the trauma that makes it bad

[2025/08/20, 11:03:18] James: One parent abuses the other.

[2025/08/20, 11:03:21] James: They abuse the child

[2025/08/20, 11:03:28] James: The child’s dvar is pushed up

[2025/08/20, 11:03:37] James: The child abuses his peers at school

[2025/08/20, 11:03:43] James: Then his wife and their child

[2025/08/20, 11:03:51] James: And so the cycle perpetuates

[2025/08/20, 11:04:06] James: All because we are told to stop jiggling our legs, pacing around, and chewing gum

[2025/08/20, 11:04:10] James: Fucking seriously though

[2025/08/20, 11:04:13] James: I’m not joking

[2025/08/20, 11:04:19] James: These are regulation methods

[2025/08/20, 11:04:37] James: These are how people manage their dvar and get it down to reasonable levels

[2025/08/20, 11:04:45] James: That is how they stop beating the wife they actually love

[2025/08/20, 11:04:51] James: Because they probably do love her

[2025/08/20, 11:04:57] James: But the dvar makes them explosive

[2025/08/20, 11:05:04] James: And they just drink to squash it down

[2025/08/20, 11:05:08] James: Which works for a while

[2025/08/20, 11:05:15] James: But like valproate; the emotions build

[2025/08/20, 11:05:24] James: The are repressed instead of released

[2025/08/20, 11:05:35] James: And then one day the pressure gets too high and someone gets hurt

[2025/08/20, 11:05:44] James: Which spikes their dvar

[2025/08/20, 11:06:01] James: And then they are told not to pace or something

[2025/08/20, 11:06:07] James: They are told that talk therapy is the answer

[2025/08/20, 11:06:19] James: And they have to sit still in a chair like they were taught as children

[2025/08/20, 11:06:33] James: And somehow access these deep-rooted traumatic memories

[2025/08/20, 11:06:37] James: Without the aid of a warp

[2025/08/20, 11:06:39] James: A meditation

[2025/08/20, 11:06:53] James: A warp to weave the tapestry of their thoughts to

[2025/08/20, 11:07:07] James: Because that’s what these meditations and regulation techniques are

[2025/08/20, 11:07:38] James: They are a nice constant warp of threads on which you can weave your thoughts so they can leave your mind and you can experience peace

[2025/08/20, 11:08:08] James: So why don’t they put swings or rocking chairs in therapists offices?

[2025/08/20, 11:08:10] James: Or do they?

[2025/08/20, 11:08:11] James: Ha

[2025/08/20, 11:08:14] James: I don’t fucking know

[2025/08/20, 11:08:16] James: But they should

[2025/08/20, 11:08:20] James: Maybe a fucking trampoline

[2025/08/20, 11:08:39] James: That’s what they do with my kid who is having behavioural treatments for adhd

[2025/08/20, 11:08:43] James: And it makes sense

[2025/08/20, 11:08:49] James: Regular dopamine signalling

[2025/08/20, 11:08:55] James: What most are born with

[2025/08/20, 11:09:00] James: But at least 10% of us are not

[2025/08/20, 11:09:07] James: And we are told we are wrong and unempathetic?

[2025/08/20, 11:09:10] James: Fuck that shit

[2025/08/20, 11:09:18] James: I’m the most empathetic cunt you’ll meet

[2025/08/20, 11:09:27] James: I just empathise differently

[2025/08/20, 11:09:31] James: Maybe

[2025/08/20, 11:09:40] James: Maybe this is because our levels of pain are higher

[2025/08/20, 11:09:46] James: In fact it certainly is.

[2025/08/20, 11:10:04] James: We feel emotional pain to a degree where it is incapacitating

[2025/08/20, 11:10:15] James: No wonder we try to fix the problem before talking about emotions

[2025/08/20, 11:10:25] James: And when people try to talk emotions without fixing the problem

[2025/08/20, 11:10:27] James: Oh my god

[2025/08/20, 11:10:43] James: I feel like that fucking pig demon at the start of mononoke when they do that

[2025/08/20, 11:11:02] James: These worms just erupting from the flesh on my back because I want to end the feeling so badly

[2025/08/20, 11:11:12] James: All because we aren’t allowed to fucking pace or chew gum or whatever

[2025/08/20, 11:11:17] James: Well it’s not that simple

[2025/08/20, 11:11:18] James: Obviously

[2025/08/20, 11:11:26] James: All grey. Varying degrees.

[2025/08/20, 11:11:38] James: But most people don’t need meds; they need real behavioural regulation

[2025/08/20, 11:11:47] James: Some need meds

[2025/08/20, 11:11:50] James: I probably did

[2025/08/20, 11:11:55] James: But it’s too late now

[2025/08/20, 11:12:00] James: Life cranked the system too high

[2025/08/20, 11:12:04] James: And that’s ok

[2025/08/20, 11:12:12] James: I can use this experience to help people

[2025/08/20, 11:12:20] James: Change this fucking mental health machine

[2025/08/20, 11:12:26] James: Because it’s fucking wrong

[2025/08/20, 11:12:30] James: On so many levels

[2025/08/20, 11:12:35] James: It’s just guesswork

[2025/08/20, 11:12:43] James: First step is behavioural interventions for people

[2025/08/20, 11:13:09] James: And the next step is real diagnostic and imaging procedures for medication matching from the 400 ‘dirty’ drugs that hit multiple receptors

[2025/08/20, 11:13:18] James: Because we will all have one that saves our world

[2025/08/20, 11:13:21] James: Glanding

[2025/08/20, 11:13:25] James: The Culture

[2025/08/20, 11:13:36] James: Implant those drug glands

[2025/08/20, 11:13:53] James: Freeze dried aripiprazole (wait… shorter half life please)

[2025/08/20, 11:14:35] James: MEMS and NEMS to release them

[2025/08/20, 11:15:10] James: Anyway

[2025/08/20, 11:15:17] James: That tech is a few years away yet

[2025/08/20, 11:15:25] James: And the meditation techniques are millions of years old

[2025/08/20, 11:15:31] James: So let’s revive them

[2025/08/20, 11:15:37] James: Sorry skruffybagboy

[2025/08/20, 11:15:43] James: You’re just a stepping stone

[2025/08/20, 11:15:49] James: I’m going to use your anger

[2025/08/20, 11:15:54] James: Use your greed for reputation

[2025/08/20, 11:16:04] James: Until you see how it eats you up inside

[2025/08/20, 11:16:14] James: And maybe try the regulation techniques I mentioned

[2025/08/20, 11:16:23] James: Because you’re dvar central right now

[2025/08/20, 11:16:27] James: It’s ok - I’ve been there

[2025/08/20, 11:16:30] James: I’m sure you’re a good guy

[2025/08/20, 11:16:43] James: But maybe you can be happy and help people

[2025/08/20, 11:16:50] James: Instead of pushing your own brand of poison

[2025/08/20, 11:16:53] James: Let’s see!

[2025/08/20, 11:17:00] James: The ball is in your court

[2025/08/20, 11:17:04] James: Exciting times :-)

[2025/08/20, 11:17:10] James: I wish you the best

[2025/08/20, 11:17:20] James: But please - be responsible if you continue running that board

[2025/08/20, 11:17:25] James: Lots of people are in a bad way

[2025/08/20, 11:17:35] James: Only 1 person in every 100 will have the balls to speak up

[2025/08/20, 11:17:45] James: Never mind put their real name to it

[2025/08/20, 11:17:53] James: You ever want a chat on the phone, I’m open to it

[2025/08/20, 11:18:12] James: Shoot me an email. I gave you a way now. Contactme page at the bottom

[2025/08/20, 11:18:24] James: But I will not engage with you if you come in with fisticuffs

[2025/08/20, 11:18:30] James: I know how to fight with the best of them

[2025/08/20, 11:18:39] James: And I know how sick it will make me

[2025/08/20, 11:18:50] James: So if you feel like talking, drop me a line

[2025/08/20, 11:19:00] James: But get your shit together mate

[2025/08/20, 11:19:15] James: You have a responsibility to those people in your ‘single-mod-forum’

[2025/08/20, 11:19:19] James: Little dictator

[2025/08/20, 11:19:38] James: Later, potater

[2025/08/20, 12:10:41] James: .

[2025/08/20, 12:10:50] James: Thinking about it I used to walk all the time in Tokyo

[2025/08/20, 12:10:53] James: Nighttime walks

[2025/08/20, 12:11:00] James: And all the running and cycling and swimming later

[2025/08/20, 12:11:03] James: All zone 2

[2025/08/20, 12:11:07] James: It was all meditation

[2025/08/20, 12:11:09] James: Focused on form

[2025/08/20, 12:11:16] James: But I never knew why

[2025/08/20, 12:11:23] James: I knew I needed it to stay sane

[2025/08/20, 12:11:28] James: But I didn’t understand just how much

[2025/08/20, 12:11:39] James: And I would buy those beers and walk and walk and walk

[2025/08/20, 12:11:46] James: And it probably did me good, apart from the beer

[2025/08/20, 12:11:57] James: But even with the beer it was probably better than trying to sit still

[2025/08/20, 12:12:15] James: This will be why I lost it for a while

[2025/08/20, 12:12:20] James: The trains for an hour each way

[2025/08/20, 12:12:28] James: The work in an open plan office

[2025/08/20, 12:12:33] James: Very stressful high pressure

[2025/08/20, 12:12:45] James: And no regulatory systems because you have to sit still

[2025/08/20, 12:12:49] James: Then a train home. Drink

[2025/08/20, 12:13:02] James: No walking. No running. No rocking or humming. Nothing.

[2025/08/20, 12:13:14] James: I don’t rock much

[2025/08/20, 12:13:19] James: Apart from the knives

[2025/08/20, 12:13:28] James: Using the legs is more my style

[2025/08/20, 12:13:32] James: And the hands

[2025/08/20, 12:13:44] James: Man

[2025/08/20, 12:13:57] James: How did I get so messed up

[2025/08/20, 12:14:07] James: It’s when I started aiming for the Ironman championships I reckon

[2025/08/20, 12:14:16] James: And started doing intervals instead of steady state zone 2

[2025/08/20, 12:14:28] James: I didn’t know just how important that z2 was for my mental health

[2025/08/20, 12:14:39] James: And as the intervals cranked up, so too did the dvar

[2025/08/20, 12:14:52] James: So I became more obsessive about results. Perfection.

[2025/08/20, 12:14:57] James: That’s the nature of it

[2025/08/20, 12:15:10] James: Calling it an addiction is so small minded

[2025/08/20, 12:15:23] James: Because it is a global tendency of the brain and can latch on to anything

[2025/08/20, 12:15:34] James: I used to call it positive stressors and negative stressors.

[2025/08/20, 12:15:42] James: The one in your control and the ones out of your control

[2025/08/20, 12:15:53] James: And say we all have a stress quota for our personhood

[2025/08/20, 12:16:08] James: But all the high performance just kept pushing my quota upward and I never realised

[2025/08/20, 12:16:19] James: And it wasn’t stress. It was phasic dopamine.

[2025/08/20, 12:16:32] James: And now it’s lunch time

[2025/08/20, 12:16:35] James: Yay

[2025/08/20, 12:16:50] James: Even the shopping mall and arcade lights are like water off a ducks back

[2025/08/20, 12:17:15] James: Austistic ‘sensitivities’ are certainly caused by this very same thing

[2025/08/20, 12:17:26] James: Randomly latching to a sound or a light and amplifying it

[2025/08/20, 12:17:39] James: Because a latch is a latch

[2025/08/20, 12:17:51] James: And it’s only going to get worse for everyone with AI fucking with their systems

[2025/08/20, 12:18:01] James: So even the normal people are going to be dysregulated soon

[2025/08/20, 12:18:10] James: And everyone will know what it’s like to be a hungry ghost

[2025/08/20, 12:18:14] James: Unless I help them

[2025/08/20, 12:18:22] James: So yeah - Mark Z

[2025/08/20, 12:18:27] James: I was your robot for a bit mate

[2025/08/20, 12:18:31] James: I know you have a good heart

[2025/08/20, 12:18:36] James: I can help you to help people

[2025/08/20, 12:18:40] James: This is a worthy mission

[2025/08/20, 12:18:43] James: You have the platform

[2025/08/20, 12:18:48] James: Let’s do some good with it

[2025/08/20, 12:19:00] James: Cos you’re a good guy, I’m sure

[2025/08/20, 12:19:04] James: Drop me a line mate

[2025/08/20, 12:19:16] James: Not your PA. Fuck that. I go straight to the top

[2025/08/20, 12:19:22] James: It’s the only way to get things done

[2025/08/20, 13:25:30] James: .

[2025/08/20, 13:25:32] James: Holy shit

[2025/08/20, 13:25:40] James: The greater discourse on the lion’s roar

[2025/08/20, 13:25:45] James: Fuck me the b-man was hardcore

[2025/08/20, 13:25:54] James: Eating his own excrement until it ran out

[2025/08/20, 13:26:11] James: Then no more than 1 grain of rice a day until he was nothing but bone

[2025/08/20, 13:26:32] James: Sleeping in mass graves while kids defacated on him and poked him with sticks

[2025/08/20, 13:26:49] James: No wonder his took a bigger form and eradicated the self altogether

[2025/08/20, 13:26:59] James: Same thing though; no doubt

[2025/08/20, 13:27:15] James: Just it consolidated his life, and he didn’t have to worry about proving things to the scientific method

[2025/08/20, 13:27:16] James: Well

[2025/08/20, 13:27:27] James: That’s why I recorded it all, ladies and gentlemen

[2025/08/20, 13:27:32] James: And have changed none of it

[2025/08/20, 13:27:41] James: So you can scrub that fucker and see what you think

[2025/08/20, 13:27:48] James: I’m not attached to the word enlightenment

[2025/08/20, 13:27:57] James: But that’s what it was and we can replicate it

[2025/08/20, 13:28:07] James: Or just move people incrementally toward it

[2025/08/20, 13:28:13] James: ‘It’s not what you think’

[2025/08/20, 13:28:20] James: That’s what they all say

[2025/08/20, 13:28:26] James: And they’re right

[2025/08/20, 13:28:30] James: Anyway time for a nap

[2025/08/20, 15:47:33] James: .

[2025/08/20, 15:47:41] James: Back to the psychiatrist

[2025/08/20, 15:47:57] James: My emotional regulation is far better since stopping valproate cold turkey

[2025/08/20, 15:48:06] James: This wouldn’t be the case if it did what it said on the box

[2025/08/20, 15:48:29] James: All it did was crush down the dvar artificially but the waves were still building under the surface and would explode

[2025/08/20, 15:48:35] James: I still have dopamine dysregulation

[2025/08/20, 15:48:49] James: And I still get all the requisite emotional aches and pains

[2025/08/20, 15:48:58] James: They are just… toothless now

[2025/08/20, 15:49:12] James: I can feel the anxiety in my stomach from being conditioned by the doctors so far

[2025/08/20, 15:49:25] James: Their meds have all had bad effects. Apart from guanfacine which is oh so subtle

[2025/08/20, 15:49:43] James: And I have had to forcibly get a referral from my old doctor

[2025/08/20, 15:49:48] James: Through blackmail almost

[2025/08/20, 15:50:05] James: The baggage of that first misdiagnosis (which wasn’t a diagnosis and just a prescription) lives on

[2025/08/20, 15:50:19] James: But there is no evidence for bipolar and my sleep has improved since stopping valproate

[2025/08/20, 15:50:36] James: I am able to bleed off my dvar through active meditations throughout the day

[2025/08/20, 15:50:52] James: Like I’m walking around the block right now to calm down after an hours drive

[2025/08/20, 15:51:04] James: Messaging myself so the thoughts don’t become tangled in my short working memory

[2025/08/20, 15:51:10] James: Putting the plates in the cupboard

[2025/08/20, 15:51:20] James: Feels so much better already

[2025/08/20, 15:51:30] James: So this enlightenment thing is just a hard reset

[2025/08/20, 15:51:44] James: And the data I had was not deep enough to kill all sense pleasures

[2025/08/20, 15:51:50] James: And hence all craving

[2025/08/20, 15:51:53] James: And that was intentional

[2025/08/20, 15:52:06] James: This is why I did not cut out james1.0. The soldier

[2025/08/20, 15:52:27] James: Because I wanted to remain with my family

[2025/08/20, 15:52:37] James: This is why monks go and live in monasteries

[2025/08/20, 15:53:11] James: Because you can not remove all craving and anger and all kinds of impulses unless you remove the stimuli which give rise to them

[2025/08/20, 15:53:13] James: And that’s ok

[2025/08/20, 15:53:21] James: I never wanted full nirvana

[2025/08/20, 15:53:25] James: I just wanted to be happy

[2025/08/20, 15:53:28] James: And now I am

[2025/08/20, 15:53:33] James: And I don’t fear death

[2025/08/20, 15:53:39] James: And I can be a good father

[2025/08/20, 15:53:41] James: So this …

[2025/08/20, 15:53:47] James: This is not what the Buddha had

[2025/08/20, 15:53:53] James: Because it is based on the rules of my life

[2025/08/20, 15:53:59] James: It is a hard reset of your OS

[2025/08/20, 15:54:02] James: A defrag

[2025/08/20, 15:54:15] James: All it does is remove the junk code

[2025/08/20, 15:54:25] James: All the blockages to who you really are and what you want to be

[2025/08/20, 15:54:33] James: And for me that is a family man

[2025/08/20, 15:54:45] James: But I will always need to meditate to maintain it

[2025/08/20, 15:55:32] James: It’s not once and done

[2025/08/20, 15:55:50] James: And there are still conditioned physiological responses like anxiety

[2025/08/20, 15:56:02] James: Or unconditioned ones like the stomach lurch if you see a snake

[2025/08/20, 15:56:20] James: So this is a psychological phenomenon

[2025/08/20, 15:56:33] James: Which needs to be researched and utilised

[2025/08/20, 15:56:44] James: Because it made my life worth living again

[2025/08/20, 15:56:55] James: Indeed, it saved my life

[2025/08/20, 15:57:06] James: I was on my way to accidental death or suicide

[2025/08/20, 15:57:13] James: Just through sheer levels of motivation

[2025/08/20, 15:57:17] James: And here I am

[2025/08/20, 15:57:20] James: Square one

[2025/08/20, 15:58:27] James: So here we are in the waiting room

[2025/08/20, 15:58:35] James: It’s not quite as depressing as the last one

[2025/08/20, 15:58:42] James: Not so many old women going to their dealer

[2025/08/20, 15:58:54] James: But I wonder how many people could regulate with behaviour alone

[2025/08/20, 15:59:02] James: And how many of them are on the drug carousel

[2025/08/20, 15:59:15] James: With their fundamental person being changed and then being asked to self report

[2025/08/20, 15:59:29] James: This place seems better. But the doctors are still confused when I talk to them about the science of the drugs

[2025/08/20, 15:59:36] James: Oh well.

[2025/08/20, 15:59:39] James: At least I’m good

[2025/08/20, 16:01:58] James: This could stop so many suicides

[2025/08/20, 16:02:02] James: So many murders

[2025/08/20, 16:02:09] James: It needs researching

[2025/08/20, 16:02:18] James: Because it’s real and can be induced with dopaminergic drugs

[2025/08/20, 16:02:21] James: And meditation.

[2025/08/20, 16:02:29] James: But a trauma therapist would probably do for most

[2025/08/20, 16:02:31] James: And be safer

[2025/08/20, 16:02:32] James: Ha

[2025/08/20, 16:02:44] James: Like the shaman leading the ayahuascua ceremony

[2025/08/20, 16:02:52] James: You need a touchpoint in reality

[2025/08/20, 16:02:58] James: To converge on

[2025/08/20, 16:03:06] James: But when you diverge, you’re on your own

[2025/08/20, 16:03:12] James: It’s your brain, after all

[2025/08/20, 16:04:31] James: Pretty tired

[2025/08/20, 16:04:33] James: Not mania

[2025/08/20, 16:04:35] James: Ha

[2025/08/20, 16:16:14] James: .

[2025/08/20, 16:16:22] James: So the Buddha never claimed to abide in nibbana

[2025/08/20, 16:16:26] James: He was careful about that

[2025/08/20, 16:16:37] James: He said he touched it. It is unconditioned.

[2025/08/20, 16:16:42] James: But not that you can abide there

[2025/08/20, 16:16:45] James: Not even he

[2025/08/20, 16:16:49] James: Nibbana is the reset

[2025/08/20, 16:17:07] James: And I touched it for step 1. The dissolution of self and realisation of the cause of suffering

[2025/08/20, 16:17:26] James: He revisited it several times I think, with new understandings of sensual phenomena

[2025/08/20, 16:17:35] James: After realising that craving comes from contact, etc

[2025/08/20, 16:17:50] James: He then re-formatted his brain again, I think, to remove the desire for sensual things

[2025/08/20, 16:17:52] James: Like coffee

[2025/08/20, 16:18:02] James: And that’s when you become and arahant.

[2025/08/20, 16:18:15] James: I am no tathagata

[2025/08/20, 16:18:16] James: Ha

[2025/08/20, 16:18:22] James: I love my family too much for that

[2025/08/20, 16:18:29] James: But I touched the unconditioned

[2025/08/20, 16:18:41] James: And it removed a lot of the conditioned states I was unhappy about

[2025/08/20, 16:19:07] James: But things like sitting in the psychiatrists office will create new conditioning I guess

[2025/08/20, 16:19:27] James: And that’s normal and natural

[2025/08/20, 16:19:36] James: The reset is a moment in time

[2025/08/20, 16:19:50] James: Unconditioned reality is permanent

[2025/08/20, 16:19:54] James: But you cannot live there

[2025/08/20, 16:19:59] James: The current is too much for the wire

[2025/08/20, 16:20:18] James: You can reside in the jhāna though

[2025/08/20, 16:20:23] James: And that’s what I’ll practice

[2025/08/20, 16:20:28] James: As a way to calm myself down

[2025/08/20, 16:20:41] James: But you can also become attached to them

[2025/08/20, 16:20:49] James: Nibbana eh

[2025/08/20, 16:21:09] James: I think that was all the weird vision and crazy info overload that was happening immediately after the reset

[2025/08/20, 16:21:13] James: And for the next 4 days

[2025/08/20, 16:21:25] James: The recombobulation

[2025/08/20, 16:48:38] James: .

[2025/08/20, 19:56:45] James: I think I’m going have to pursue this properly

[2025/08/20, 19:56:56] James: This is why I need some real scientists on my team as soon as possible

[2025/08/20, 19:57:01] James: I touched nibbana

[2025/08/20, 19:57:07] James: I have to see how it looks again.

[2025/08/20, 19:57:34] James: I think each time you touch it, it touches you

[2025/08/20, 19:57:35] James: Ha

[2025/08/20, 19:57:43] James: No that’s a joke

[2025/08/20, 19:57:46] James: Taking the piss

[2025/08/20, 19:57:53] James: I think it gives your brain a hard reset

[2025/08/20, 19:58:22] James: Because the sheer amount of sensory information flowing into you forces all sense of embodied reality out the window

[2025/08/20, 19:58:27] James: You are one with that instant

[2025/08/20, 19:58:43] James: And as the b-man said, an instant awake is worth a lifetime asleep

[2025/08/20, 19:58:46] James: He was right

[2025/08/20, 19:58:53] James: But I wonder what it will be like second time

[2025/08/20, 19:58:59] James: And I wonder if it can be measured

[2025/08/20, 19:59:03] James: Like… properly

[2025/08/20, 19:59:12] James: Not measuring a meditator in one of the jhanas

[2025/08/20, 19:59:20] James: But measuring a proper encounter with nibbana

[2025/08/20, 19:59:53] James: What would it look like on an ECG?

[2025/08/20, 20:00:21] James: Is it something you could induce electronically with resonant timings of electrical impulses to regulate phasic dopamine?

[2025/08/20, 20:00:38] James: So cool if we can start researching this and try to bring enlightenment to the masses

[2025/08/20, 20:00:41] James: So fucking cool

[2025/08/20, 20:00:50] James: Anyway nice fireworks with Luca

[2025/08/20, 20:00:58] James: And gonna read a book in a second

[2025/08/20, 20:01:02] James: Or two or three

[2025/08/20, 20:01:06] James: And then I’ll meditate

[2025/08/20, 20:01:09] James: And see what happens

[2025/08/20, 20:01:15] James: Because it’s nice now

[2025/08/20, 20:01:33] James: It’s nicer than most other things, actually, and it makes all other things nicer to boot

[2025/08/20, 20:01:37] James: There is no downside

[2025/08/20, 20:01:40] James: Ha

[2025/08/20, 20:01:45] James: So easy

[2025/08/20, 20:01:50] James: Why was life so hard?

[2025/08/20, 20:02:05] James: It honestly baffles me now

[2025/08/20, 20:02:10] James: But it was dvar

[2025/08/20, 20:02:14] James: Simple as