20250826

[2025/08/26, 7:13:23] James: So the key is to make your tiger stronger AND to learn to ride

[2025/08/26, 7:13:38] James: So you need to get that dopamine high, get motivated, get ‘manic’

[2025/08/26, 7:13:48] James: But you need to train the neuronal capacity so you can handle it

[2025/08/26, 7:13:58] James: Because without the high dopamine you will never experience the divine

[2025/08/26, 7:14:19] James: So do not crush things down when you feel good - let them grow

[2025/08/26, 7:14:26] James: But not too much

[2025/08/26, 7:14:29] James: The middle way

[2025/08/26, 8:15:51] James: .

[2025/08/26, 8:16:19] James: I do honestly think Elon and Kanye are like me.

[2025/08/26, 8:38:15] James: .

[2025/08/26, 8:38:20] James: Today I will try this:

[2025/08/26, 8:38:34] James: Sitting meditation for a brief while until the washing is done. Hang the washing. Priorities!

[2025/08/26, 8:38:54] James: Then ride my bike 30 min uphill to the viewpoint and get my dopamine elevated

[2025/08/26, 8:39:03] James: Immediate meditation after this to learn to ride the tiger

[2025/08/26, 8:39:27] James: Let’s see how it goes

[2025/08/26, 9:27:45] James: .

[2025/08/26, 9:27:51] James: Stop and text while riding

[2025/08/26, 9:27:54] James: Release cmem

[2025/08/26, 9:28:03] James: Another great product of the meditation

[2025/08/26, 9:28:16] James: Replace ‘notscience’ with nibbana protocol

[2025/08/26, 9:34:03] James: .

[2025/08/26, 9:34:14] James: When you feel the dopamine flush through your body, embrace it

[2025/08/26, 9:34:23] James: Let your limbs tingle and your hairs go on end

[2025/08/26, 9:34:39] James: This is your taste of the divine. Nibbana will be that to the power one million

[2025/08/26, 9:34:42] James: You have to love it

[2025/08/26, 9:34:44] James: Flow with it

[2025/08/26, 9:34:47] James: And let it pass

[2025/08/26, 9:34:59] James: Then look up at the world, slightly more beautiful than before

[2025/08/26, 9:35:02] James: And keep pedalling

[2025/08/26, 9:35:57] James: Dristi eyes a couple of metres in front

[2025/08/26, 9:36:02] James: Diffuse focus

[2025/08/26, 9:36:11] James: Calm. Steady.

[2025/08/26, 9:48:53] James: .

[2025/08/26, 9:49:03] James: On the neuronal side you are training yourself to diverge and converge

[2025/08/26, 9:49:10] James: Expand and contract

[2025/08/26, 9:49:16] James: Expansive thinking is essential

[2025/08/26, 9:49:21] James: Nothing is more expansive than nibbana

[2025/08/26, 9:49:29] James: But you need to flex the muscle to bring it back

[2025/08/26, 9:49:48] James: You need to converge after the expansion or you will wind up manic and lose the upgrade

[2025/08/26, 9:50:01] James: Family are amazing to get you to converge

[2025/08/26, 9:50:12] James: But on the bike: let your mind expand and then look at the world and rein it in

[2025/08/26, 9:50:14] James: Gently

[2025/08/26, 9:50:25] James: You need the encourage the expansion, not try to block it out

[2025/08/26, 9:50:31] James: The expansion is your tiger getting stronger

[2025/08/26, 9:50:39] James: The contraction is you building a new cage

[2025/08/26, 9:50:42] James: A better cage

[2025/08/26, 9:50:47] James: Reps at the gym

[2025/08/26, 9:50:49] James: That’s all

[2025/08/26, 9:55:24] James: .

[2025/08/26, 9:55:36] James: Good thing about cycling is you need to maintain control over the expansiveness

[2025/08/26, 9:55:41] James: Or you’ll fall off

[2025/08/26, 9:55:43] James: Ha

[2025/08/26, 10:01:49] James: .

[2025/08/26, 10:01:50] James: Yes.

[2025/08/26, 10:01:55] James: This is how I always cycled

[2025/08/26, 10:01:58] James: How I held it together

[2025/08/26, 10:02:15] James: Why I have decades of meditation experience despite not doing sitting meditation all that much

[2025/08/26, 10:02:22] James: This is my medicine and my weave

[2025/08/26, 10:02:26] James: This is my divine

[2025/08/26, 10:02:33] James: I will embrace it and help it to grow

[2025/08/26, 10:02:42] James: Time for the downhill and sitting meditation

[2025/08/26, 13:36:19] James: .

[2025/08/26, 13:36:25] James: The world is still beautiful

[2025/08/26, 13:36:42] James: My fundamental wiring has changed even if I remain a volatile tiger

[2025/08/26, 13:36:53] James: I think the cage is weakened

[2025/08/26, 13:36:57] James: It will get stronger

[2025/08/26, 13:37:06] James: What led up to the meltdown

[2025/08/26, 13:37:17] James: Broken sleep because I stopped the melatonin analog

[2025/08/26, 13:37:33] James: Probably too much mental strain from writing too much

[2025/08/26, 13:37:54] James: I wonder if my tda or dvar got too high

[2025/08/26, 13:38:12] James: I think it was just a very difficult conversation

[2025/08/26, 13:38:17] James: And not being ready

[2025/08/26, 13:38:24] James: Not having the regulation fully rebuilt

[2025/08/26, 13:38:36] James: The brain is still tired and making sense of things

[2025/08/26, 13:38:42] James: Using its energy to rebuild

[2025/08/26, 13:39:00] James: But the world is still so much more quiet

[2025/08/26, 13:39:09] James: And I can kind of sense the steelwool now

[2025/08/26, 13:39:13] James: Let’s keep an eye on it

[2025/08/26, 13:39:28] James: I also need to be wary of computer games

[2025/08/26, 13:39:36] James: They tire me out a bit too much on the big screen

[2025/08/26, 13:39:46] James: 30 min per sitting max

[2025/08/26, 13:39:53] James: But I’ll switch back to handheld for a while

[2025/08/26, 13:39:59] James: I’ve always liked handheld

[2025/08/26, 13:40:04] James: Feels more cosy

[2025/08/26, 13:40:19] James: Not keen on the OLED ‘as saturated as possible’ approach

[2025/08/26, 13:40:28] James: Anyway

[2025/08/26, 13:40:39] James: Meditation is actually far more pleasurable than games now

[2025/08/26, 13:40:47] James: Just they are both tiring in different ways

[2025/08/26, 13:40:52] James: And need to be balanced

[2025/08/26, 13:41:28] James: Haha

[2025/08/26, 13:42:06] James: I wonder how that senior Theravada monk will respond to me saying I think his ‘neurotic breakthrough’ and stream entry are the same thing

[2025/08/26, 13:42:18] James: Let’s see

[2025/08/26, 15:58:55] James: .

[2025/08/26, 15:58:56] James: So…

[2025/08/26, 15:59:16] James: If nibbana is the unconditioned and causes a consolidation of rules and change of worldview

[2025/08/26, 15:59:32] James: Is there a chance that I have hit something like a minor version of it in the past

[2025/08/26, 15:59:48] James: When I have flipped from one personality to another

[2025/08/26, 15:59:57] James: Might that be the reason for the changes?

[2025/08/26, 16:00:02] James: It’s not on the same level

[2025/08/26, 16:00:15] James: But I suddenly realised that whatever I was doing was not satisfying

[2025/08/26, 16:00:27] James: I doubt it’s quite the same thing

[2025/08/26, 16:00:39] James: But it might be similar - a phasic mega quake of sorts

[2025/08/26, 16:00:53] James: But I hadn’t lined up all my trauma to be wiped; that’s for sure

[2025/08/26, 16:01:07] James: There’s always a chance this is all bullshit.

[2025/08/26, 16:01:08] James: Ha

[2025/08/26, 16:01:21] James: But I don’t think so. I no longer have the pain that defined my life

[2025/08/26, 16:01:30] James: Though I’m still autistic and whatnot

[2025/08/26, 16:01:49] James: But the trauma is gone, as is the internal conflict

[2025/08/26, 16:01:58] James: I still get plenty of Mara; plenty of doubt

[2025/08/26, 16:02:26] James: But the Buddha was on another level. He slept in mass graves with children poking sticks in his ears and urinating on him

[2025/08/26, 16:02:31] James: He shunned all human contact

[2025/08/26, 16:02:35] James: Shunned food

[2025/08/26, 16:02:48] James: And before that he was at the palace. And one day just up and left.

[2025/08/26, 16:02:59] James: He went from full hedon to full ascetic

[2025/08/26, 16:03:06] James: Another level

[2025/08/26, 16:03:20] James: So his upgrade would have encompassed all those lessons

[2025/08/26, 16:03:25] James: Every type of suffering

[2025/08/26, 16:03:45] James: The having. The having not. The physical suffering of real pain and the mental suffering of internal discipline

[2025/08/26, 16:04:11] James: And multiple consolidations along the way - which is why he says his followers would have 4 consolidations

[2025/08/26, 16:04:26] James: And the first one would not leave them completely without fetter

[2025/08/26, 16:04:51] James: But even after his final enlightenment where he broke the chains to his own self and bodily suffering

[2025/08/26, 16:05:04] James: Even after that he encountered Mara. The evil one. Laziness and doubt.

[2025/08/26, 16:05:18] James: Thinking ‘why not just chill and enjoy things’

[2025/08/26, 16:05:25] James: And that’s a relief

[2025/08/26, 16:05:31] James: Because I still question everything

[2025/08/26, 16:05:46] James: But I know something very, very major which is not in the psychiatric literature happened to me

[2025/08/26, 16:05:55] James: So… let’s proceed

[2025/08/26, 16:06:16] James: If nothing else the plan will ensure that I am in good shape and have better control over my emotions and behaviour

[2025/08/26, 16:06:21] James: It will make me happier

[2025/08/26, 16:06:30] James: It doesn’t need to be nibbana. I just like finish lines.

[2025/08/26, 16:06:39] James: The training is the fun part