I’m pretty sure my PTSD just up and floated away yesterday.
I sat to meditate in the evening and got into a deep and pleasant flow, then the guy’s face came up, drool and snot and rope. He was there for a minute or so and I was an impartial scientist, observing, equanimous, happy. He faded, and then I had a flash of my own nearest-death experience, and then felt a release.
I slept, and dreamed about how we turn this into a formal trauma therapy course. And I’ve woken up pretty confident I am free, or nearly free.
Because this is what this is: trauma therapy. Religion has been replaced by zumba classes, therapists and hard drugs, when all we need is a good on-ramp in the form of exercise, some efficient reprogramming, and a behavioural modification of dopaminergic states.
This is the ultimate upgrade in addictions.
I went through life upgrading addictions. This is what I thought life would be. After a violent schoolhood I started drinking. Then smoking. Then smoking and drinking and drugs. I settled into weed and smoking for a while but coming to Japan I had to switch back to booze.
After that I bounced between booze and cigs, quitting one and upping the other, not realising the mechanism was the same. Dvar, ever growing.
Then I replaced both with athletic training, and was pretty good for a few years. In Thailand I started my own company and balanced a few: work, lifting, drinking, weed, smoking. It was actually one of the easier times since I wasn’t all-in on any of them, but the drinking kept creeping up.
Then back in Japan I went from booze to work to athletics to legal weed analogs to art to yoga to ptsd and my dvar latched onto the idea of suicide which is why I went to the doctor. About 5 years with no ‘bad’ addictions but all the while my volatility was growing.
These addictions were all just my dvar flipping over to a new behaviour, ever intensifying. If you end up all-in on any one addiction, you’re in trouble.
By the end my spikes in motivation were so bad they were a physical wave of pain every 3 seconds trying to get me to act on the images that the dead guy planted in my mind. The contagion.
And now it’s… gone. I think. Or it’s on its way out. Even if it’s still there it doesn’t bother me.
Because I’ve stopped using my dvar chisel and I’ve sharpened my tda planer. Rather than trying to carve out a deep groove by making more grooves around it, I have started taking slices off, bit by bit, with tonic dopamine and observation. It doesn’t happen all at once, but one of these slices will be the one, and then it will be gone.
This is the ultimate upgrade in addictions.
I still have my dvar latch; I’m still motivated. That’s the system architecture. But now I am motivated to remove my duff programming by seeking another encounter with nibbana. The buddha clearly said that this is the way to end suffering, with the final craving to remove being that of nibbana itself.
I am hooked on sharpening the tools of the mind. The planer. I need a blank slate; a smooth piece of lumber that I can carve a new reality into. And that just take time. Multiple passes, steady and smooth, and one of these days it’s done. Nibbana is a tool you use to fix your soul, and when you are done, you put it down.
This is what the b-man talks about when he says “the mind knew: ‘it is liberated; what had to be done has been done” and ““The wise man delights in the removal of impurities of the mind, day and night he is ever mindful.”
This is just a new dopamine latch. This is a latch toward removal of all other latches.
This is the way.
There is no doubt.
I wonder how I can share this with people.
Because this is science and the buddha was way ahead of where we are right now.
We have regressed. Rather that using movement and chanting to calm ourselves down and then refining it to sitting meditation (with rocking and swaying if you like) to remove the programming that hurts us, we have monetised people’s trauma.
Trauma is great for business.
Drugs to force a dopaminergic state, therapists to try to manipulate it. But you have to keep going and paying the bills. The conditioning creeps back in and you need to be ever vigilant. A few thousand dollars per person per year. A goldmine.
And here we are, with the answer just sat there, gathering dust because people have been programmed to be self-conscious about actions which help them on biological level. Somehow it’s good and admirable to go to a therapist but weird and culty to hum in the bath and meditate? That’s just more conditioning, folks.
The language, I guess. I could never get a religion because it required too much faith.
But I am pretty sure that I figured out exactly how and why it works while I was in the hells. And I know I can replicate it. So I just keep exporting the plan I saw, cultivate it through my own experience, and then plant the seed and see if it grows.
Because it fucking works, make no mistake.
/jb202509060751