20250909

[2025/09/09, 6:14:05] James: ’m just looking at my son sleep after an hour of meditation

[2025/09/09, 6:14:17] James: All I know is that I love my family and want them to be happy

[2025/09/09, 6:14:38] James: I know I can give him a happier start to life

[2025/09/09, 6:15:04] James: Lots of hugs, being there for him when his friends get a bit bullyish

[2025/09/09, 6:15:08] James: He’s so sensitive

[2025/09/09, 6:15:17] James: I guess I was like this

[2025/09/09, 6:15:26] James: So innocent

[2025/09/09, 6:15:39] James: The other kids are more like lord of the flies kinda thing

[2025/09/09, 6:15:49] James: Not that bad, but some of them aren’t great

[2025/09/09, 6:16:10] James: And he’s there with his box for collecting insects and lizards and just so fascinated by them

[2025/09/09, 6:16:21] James: It’s adorable

[2025/09/09, 6:17:00] James: Anyway I’m gonna watch him for a while

[2025/09/09, 8:37:37] James: .

[2025/09/09, 8:37:42] James: Finances on my mind a little after doing the finances yesterday

[2025/09/09, 8:37:53] James: Causality? Ha

[2025/09/09, 8:38:01] James: No wonder I was embroiled in that

[2025/09/09, 8:38:21] James: All the negotiating salaries and stuff for people. Chasing clients for payment. Trying to balance the sheets

[2025/09/09, 8:38:29] James: Such a painful way of living

[2025/09/09, 8:38:43] James: The initial buzz of seeing the money come in wears off fast and then you have a new normal

[2025/09/09, 8:38:52] James: You stocks rise and then you have a new normal

[2025/09/09, 8:38:57] James: The only way becomes down

[2025/09/09, 9:11:27] James: .

[2025/09/09, 9:11:41] James: I can feel the silken buttered joints again

[2025/09/09, 9:11:48] James: Maybe tonic dopamine?

[2025/09/09, 10:19:36] James: .

[2025/09/09, 10:19:56] James: It’s so much easier to release thoughts if you’re like ‘this isn’t helping my dvar’

[2025/09/09, 10:20:22] James: I guess this is what the Buddha meant when he said to let go of unwholesome thoughts

[2025/09/09, 10:20:27] James: But I never could

[2025/09/09, 10:20:34] James: Not until dvar

[2025/09/09, 10:20:39] James: Quantifying it

[2025/09/09, 10:20:49] James: Very coherent framework

[2025/09/09, 20:34:59] James: .

[2025/09/09, 20:35:04] James: That was interesting

[2025/09/09, 20:35:15] James: I was meditating and fell into no self mode

[2025/09/09, 20:35:23] James: I felt myself as a ball of whirling yarn

[2025/09/09, 20:35:31] James: Around the focal point of my breath

[2025/09/09, 20:35:50] James: All these wisps spinning around like the electrons around a nucleus

[2025/09/09, 20:36:00] James: Just an eternally changing construct of processes

[2025/09/09, 20:36:18] James: No centre and no beginning

[2025/09/09, 20:36:29] James: Sounds coming in and influencing things

[2025/09/09, 20:36:54] James: A bird this morning cried and I felt a wave of tingles start from that side of my body and spread

[2025/09/09, 20:37:00] James: Everything connected

[2025/09/09, 20:37:04] James: Nothing standing along

[2025/09/09, 20:37:15] James: Eternally revolving electrons

[2025/09/09, 20:37:21] James: With the breath as the nucleus

[2025/09/09, 20:37:43] James: But the breath was just a chosen object, also never stil and never the same

[2025/09/09, 20:45:13] James: .

[2025/09/09, 20:45:41] James: It is kind of annoying that I have to work so hard just to attain the level of stability most people are born with

[2025/09/09, 20:45:49] James: Oh well

[2025/09/09, 20:46:01] James: That’s the hand I was dealt. I’ve never known anything else.