ADHD, ASD, PTSD, OCD and BPD explained by insight

this is all speculative based on self-observation, research and experimentation through the process of arriving at my theory of enlightenment. this obviously refers to my own presentation of audhd.

see also: the theory of enlightenment || perceptual frameworks 

neurodivergent suffering as trauma

I believe that the phenomenon commonly known as enlightenment is a process of weakening and violating habitually potentiated synaptic attractor states which provides a remedy for the suffering caused by trauma and exaggerated learning seen in neurodivergent populations.

Exaggerated dopaminergic signalling can be thought of as a multiplier for learning. Think of it like the pressure on a chisel; higher levels of phasic dopamine signalling result in higher levels of pressure and deeper learning. The pressure on the chisel equates to salience, both positive and negative. In contemplative traditions this salience is called craving and aversion.

[Trauma] and [addiction] are characterised by abnormally high levels of salience attribution due to exaggerated phasic dopamine signalling. If someone is mugged, for example, their chisel is driven in hard and they are left with an exaggerated [thought-loop] which can be hard to escape, resulting in obsessive thought, flashbacks and other symptoms. Let’s call this trauma threshold 1000 points of learning.

Dopaminergic signalling is exaggerated in many neurodivergent profiles, which can result in trauma-level learning for seemingly benign events. For example an admonishment by an authority figure which would result in 200 points of learning in a neurotypical brain could be exaggerated to 1000 points due to differences in dopaminergic signalling. 

This would explain why certain neurodivergent profiles are more prone to trauma-adjacent learnings, addiction-adjacent interests, and obsession-level ideologies. This is what people commonly call ASD (autism spectrum disorder) rigidity of thought, and when present in higher quantity and lower amplitude, ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) scatterbrain and rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

I propose that ADHD, ASD and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) symptoms overlap because the symptoms themselves are caused by trauma-level deep-learnings that are more common in a dysregulated brain. The dysregulation itself is not a problem; it is the deep-learning that this dysregulation causes which results in socially maladaptive behaviour and thought.

If PTSD is caused by a single event it can be relatively easy to isolate and address. ADHD and ASD exaggerated learnings can be thought of as biologically-similar to complex PTSD. For illustration’s sake, let’s say that ADHD has 100x smaller-minima, resulting in scattered thought as the marble skips between troughs. ASD might have 5x larger-minima resulting in obsessive presentation as the marble gets stuck. My version of AUDHD (ASD+ADHD combined presentation) had maybe 50x mid-level minima, resulting in external normality but high levels of internal suffering.

These learnings present as strong aversions toward seemingly harmless things, or strong interests in others. The more the aversion or attraction is fed, the stronger it will become, due to the self-reinforcing nature of dopaminergic signalling.

I believe that my presentation of AUDHD was [caused by dopaminergic dysregulation]. When I was given aripiprazole and began the work of consolidating minima in my brain, I became able to feel my thoughts. The diagram I drew 6 months ago maps well with research from Tokyo University which I just encountered today. This diagram was drawn based on physical sensations in my cranium and nothing else.

see >> [asd thought model]

the below imaging could be a way of measuring and quantifying this process: a reduction in exaggerated minima in autistic profiles.

The way to relieve these learnings is to observe them with equanimity, in a state of elevated tonic dopamine, and run through the thought process without reactivating the phasic dopaminergic reinforcement. I had success with a protocol of [exporting thoughts] while regulating (cache offload), [vocalisation] in the bath (elevating tonic dopamine and serotonin) and [reviewing writings] before bed (multimodal re-encoding). I can tell you from personal experience that these methods work, but the healing process isn’t without its challenges, as detailed below.

In summary, I believe that ADHD, ASD processing issues, OCD-like behaviours and PTSD are all manifestations of the same thing: exaggerated phasic dopamine signalling and maladaptive learnings. I believe that the [religions of old] have forms of chanting, movement-base regulation, neurolinguistic encoding, and contemplation because they grew as ways to relieve these painful learnings.

repair mechanism

The brain is a self-repairing organism and will address these maladaptive learnings if left long enough. I believe this repair process accounts for a large number of BPD (bipolar disorder) diagnoses. BPD often goes hand-in-hand with neurodivergence to the point where one doctor would diagnose ADHD while another would diagnose BP2, with wide variance in the drugs prescribed.

What I believe is happening during a ‘manic episode’ is that the brain is [cleaning up] the maladaptive learnings; it is flushing trauma from the system by elevating tonic and phasic dopamine to destabilise and then violate [habitually potentiated predictive priors]. This results in a reduced desire for food and sleep, as well as expansive thinking as new explanatory models are trialled once the old models have been violated.

In extreme cases this can present as reality decoupling, [depersonalistion] or [psychosis]. These phenomena are well-recorded in contemplative traditions and viewed as desirable outcomes of meditative process: insight into [no-self] through temporarily inhabiting the ‘other world’ (eg. reviewing past lives in Buddhism; imaginal world in Jungian psychology).

In our modern age, the mind often enters this natural defragmentation / trauma purge cycle without warning or context, and the person ‘presents as manic’. Without the old religious structures as support we go to a doctor, sometimes with [disastrous results] due to the subjective-reporting nature of the system This is what happened to me when I found a suicide corpse after several years of deconstructing the ‘self’ using art.

BPD often first presents during large life changes or traumatic experiences when old learnings become maladaptive. Examples include adolescence, job changes or traumatic experiences. It will then cycle, going between the ‘manic’ (exploratory) and ‘depressive’ (validation) phases. 

I believe these phases are just expressions of neuronal reconfiguration and energy and not inherently ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ in themselves. The [insight cycle] is also well documented in meditative circles and presents in a reliable manner: it will start slowly and speed up with each cycle, with the trajectory of change being steered through top-down reinforcement.

This is where people are rapidly altering their [perceptual framework] for the world, and why a good teacher or spiritual leader can help people to achieve liberation. As their mind is encouraged toward ideas of liberation and enlightenment the individual will often experience messianic aspirations; this is the mind merely trying a new model in an overly-elastic manner. If this model is reinforced, then the brain will identify adjacent concepts (eg. enlightened = calm, forgiveness, ease), and return to a reality-aligned model naturally. In my case these phases took one-to-two weeks and I was left with approximately a 10x improvement in quality of life after each event.

The mind can also enmesh negative narratives. This is why mania in a religious setting often results in better outcomes than mania in a psychiatric setting. If someone is told by an authority figure that they are psychotic or have a lifetime disorder then they may reinforce that model from the top down, which would result in the brain recruiting associated ideas (eg. psychosis = fear, anxiety; bipolar = depression, lack of control) and they will spiral in this direction because of the self-reinforcing nature of the network.

The process is one of exploration and validation. When in exploratory mode, the brain will go to extremes and the neurotransmitter profile will result in confidence, clarity and expansive thought. They will then flip to validation, to test the new model against reality, and they will be filled with doubt as redundant pathways are pruned. This cycle repeated three times in each of my events, and then things settled into a new reality-aligned and situationally appropriate model for the world.

The process of consolidating minima necessitates reality-decoupling as the predictive models for viewing the world are violated and rebuilt. In psychosis, schizophrenia and psychedelic consumption the activation energy required to bridge minima of thought is lowered, which is what accounts for apophenia (flight of ideas, loose associations). I believe that this is the brain in exploratory mode, trialling new perceptual models so that the minima can be consolidated. This is recorded in ancient Buddhist texts, and is why you should only do mushrooms with good friends!

In the case where there is large reprogramming, for example where someone has lost the [self-construct], this process can repeat many times over. This is detailed in the [Buddhist maps of insight], and the process of deconditioning is described as self-completing once it has begun. I believe this is because the supporting concepts which created the old self-model are found to be dissatisfactory so are also destabilised and violated by the brain, in a sequential manner.

Neuroplasticity-suppressing substances can slow the process but they cannot prevent it altogether, which is why alcohol and other drugs often lead people to become trapped in maladaptive modalities. If someone is given the narrative of a pathology, as well as a drug which traps them with a fragmented mind, the mind will struggle to form a cogent worldview, and the results can be disastrous.

safe container

In short, what is commonly known as bipolar disorder is - in cases like my own - a case of the brain forcefully initiating a ‘cleanup routine’ for the maladaptive traumatic learning caused by dopaminergic dysregulation. Psychosis or reality-decoupling is the development environment which I termed the [scaffold]. This can be thought of as a [waking dream], doing the job of REM/NREM sleep cycles on a larger scale, and is what is manipulated to positive effect in ayahuasca ceremonies and meditative practices.

I believe that this is how human beings learn in the micro too, with REM/NREM sleep cycles being the primary container for the scaffold. Every time someone goes to sleep, or even when they ‘space out’ during a conversation, their mind is consolidating minima so that they can complete a thought or potentiate a new attractor state. This can be as simple or as complex as reading a face, depending on your dopaminergic makeup.

The process can be guided in a safe environment, and has been for millennia. This is why people reside in monasteries for months or years to do so; it enables them to decouple from expected behaviours and worldviews while ensuring positive top-down reinforcement throughout the repair cycle.

We can [create a safe-container] and positive environment for people to go through the process, guided by professional trauma therapists or spiritual leaders, so people can really heal from trauma. This definition of trauma can applied to be both overt traumatic events and gradually accumulated maladaptive learnings as in ADHD and ASD profiles.

In extreme cases like my own, the concept of a [lasting self] can be removed. This is a permanent removal of a core identity and brings with it incredible relief. Words do not suffice, as the historical accounts of enlightenment will demonstrate. As the contemplative traditions explain, it is a ‘removal’; a removal of the nucleus to which these traumas were attached. It is *not* a removal of who you are, what you have learned, your personality or your ability to function in the world.

This process is simply a liberation from the painful feelings associated with a mind overwrought by traumatic deep-learnings. 

The result is a mind which can think, feel and behave in a situationally-appropriate manner without the need for self-monitoring.

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